Getting back in the groove...so to speak.

[Mae]

My husband and I have only had sex/made love, once, in the past 18 months. We're not spring chickens...but we're not dead, either. I've noticed that he talks about fantasies, and can write about fantasies, but can't "do anything". He says he's tired. We have been through quite a lot in the last year. He gets a little "frisky", and then falls asleep before the clothes are off. I'm frustrated and to the point of not even wanting to do anything with him. I'm even fantasizing about getting with an older gentleman I know. It's weird, but just talking to this man arouses me. So, what do I do to get the fantasy out of my head and put some life in my husband. One thing I will state, and many won't like it. I think a man's penis is highly overrated. This is a first post on a board like this and I'm kind of uncomfortable with it.

[blastpdb]

Talk to your DR. may need a shot to reenergize and ask about those little pills that helps men keep it up. Good luck.

Might want to act some of those fantasies out in the AM when you both are awake.

[Grumble]

I have no answer to your problem but agree that AM seems a good idea.

I want to welcome you to pixies and assure you that airing your views and asking advice is the right thing to do and pixies is the right place to do it. You will find that you will get quite a range of views but you will not be 'flamed' or scorned.

I have put all sorts of personal things on here and have had good advice and great caring support and have witnessed the same for many others.

I hope you can find a resolution to your problem

best wishes

Grumble

[dicksbro]

Grumble said it, Pixies is a great place to share your views and feelings and to ask others their opinions on things. You didn't say, but does your husband suffer from diabetes? Diabetes can definitely affect his ability to have and hold and erection. If that's the case, it doesn't reduce his "desire" for sex, only his ability to perform. Tt really is a good idea for he/you/both to discuss this with a doctor.

Welcome to Pixies. Hopefully you'll find a solution to your problem. Good luck.

[Mae]

My husband is not open to the little pill, counseling, etc... Those varied subjects were approached. He is adamant that there's nothing wrong, and that "we're" just tired. No, he doesn't have diabetes. The medication is to keep his cholesterol down and help with his blood pressure and occasional bouts of depression or anxiety attacks. We've talked about his medications, his vitamins, and his other stuff. He still feels nothing is wrong, and that, maybe, I'm just not in the mood. Well, I went out shopping, today, and picked out some suggestive lingerie. I plan an attack for tomorrow morning...or maybe, even this evening. I feel I have a 50/50 chance. Last time I tried this, he kissed me, squeezed a breast, told me all about a fantasy he was having, went limp, and then spent 1/2 the night writing about a fantasy, (about me), on his computer. Why can he write it but not do it? Anyway, I'll keep trying. One sidenote: My elderly friend emailed me that he had a surprise for me. Uhm...yeah. I'm chuckling, I should feel immensely flattered...Well, we'll see what happens. Thank you for the warm welcome. I wasn't quite sure how to go about this. Wish me luck!

[blastpdb]

Well Mae, I hope all went well for you last night or this AM. You know you since he won't talk to his Dr. maybe you can. The meds he is on maybe a factor in him not keeping the erection. This is just a thought. I'm not a Dr.

Another thought is why don't you act out one of his fantasies. Maybe that is what he really wants but will not tell you this. Might work for both of you you get what you want and so does he. Good luck.

[Mae]

Know his fantasy. He gets too tired. However, things are looking up. We are taking it slower. Mind blowing orgasm last night and we're kind of teasing around, today. I think we'll reach something, later this afternoon. Thank you for the info. Appreciate it.

[Lilith]

Mae~ Most medicines of the sort for depression or anxiety can have severe sexual side effects. This sound like it is not necessarily a case of the not wanting to but possibly of the not being able to. He still has the mind for sex if he is fantasizing. Try to put yourself in his shoes. Fear of failure may be causing him to not attempt at all. I would tell him how much you need him and want to fuck his brains out.....insist he speak with a doc. Or tell him you will. If you refuse to allow this to continue, don't nag just be firm and insistent, tell him once and then follow through, he will understand you are serious.

[Mae]

Thanks for the input. The "final straw" for me was yesterday afternoon. I just went into the kitchen and grabbed him around the waist, told him how much I loved him, kissed him rather soundly and he dragged me out to the living room and threw me on the couch. From there, it just got better. Today we're a little slower. It's 118 degrees out there, and we had to go out. But, as we cool down, it's looking good. We were also able to open up and talk about the whole thing. We were both under the impression that neither of us was interested! I don't know how, but just getting on this site over the past few days has made me a braver soul and I thank you for it. It feels like we're at the beginning of loosening up. It may take awhile to get things where we feel they ought to be. We're moving in 6 weeks. Thank you again, really. :o)

[Mae]

Uhm, 'scuse that. Have to get the hang of the smiley face thing.

[Wildeye]

Mae

Great news, sex is always about communication!!

I'd try to do his fantsy, or surprise blow job, or no knickers under a skirt.

Good luck

Wildeye

[Loulabelle]

YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!

It's great to see a success story here in advice for a change!

I have commented on sooooooo many people's threads on this same kind of topic and it's good to see that my theories are at least in some way accurate.

All you other people out there who think your SO has no interest in sex (or the kind of sex you want) PLEASE read this thread and be inspired. It takes a lot of courage to break out of that rut but it can be so rewarding if you do.

Oh and Mae - I hope you two are already starting to plan how you're going to christen every room in your new house. ;)

[kleclere]

Mae keep talking and don't let the move spoil what you have started. Welcome to Pixies. Hope to see you here more.

[Mae]

Thank you to everyone for the warm welcome. We're doing okay and it feels like a road barrier has been removed. There's still a few speed bumps; but nothing says we have to bulldoze 'em yet. Looks like the only detrimental thing regarding the move is the amount we have to do in a short time. We're pretty tired by the end of the day. Again, thank you.:)

[kleclere]

Keep us posted and hope to see you visiting us more.

[Mae]

However, I'm still having that recurring fantasy regarding having sex with my 89-year-old friend. I wake up almost feeling him touching me and...well...other things. I'm trying to figure out what's making that happen. Stress? Any guesses?