Grumble
06-01-2003, 03:37 AM
I was reading another thread about a guy not being physically attracted to his wife and am putting my life experience down.
I was never really turned on by my wife physically. She was and is a fairly gawky woman. Not someone you would give a second look to if you were a guy 'window shopping' in the mall.
She was however, single, never married, living with an overbearing mother and wanted to have a partner to love her and raise a family with. Above all, I suppose in the light of hindsight, she was available and wanted me.
I found her personable but quite unsure of herself, reasonably intelligent but not well educated.
I had just lost a girlfriend who I was extremely attracted to physically and emotionally. She had been in a previous abusive relationship and was unable to enter into a relationship.
My wife and I both filled a big hole in each others lives and that was such an improvement for us both that we were happy for some time. The sex was terrible really. She was so modest it was several years befor I saw her fully naked. Only missionary no oral, no experimentation and only in the dark of night.
When the kids were born she seemed to lose interest and it became once a month. Later it got less and after 10 years and trying all I could to get her to be responsive I lost interest.
I found that the only thing we really had in common was the children. She had no opinions about things much except for clothes and the kids things. I went on the internet and met other people but never strayed physically or had a real life affair.
My wife and I share the same house but I live downstairs. We only are together for the sake of the kids and because we cannot afford to be apart at the moment.
I see more of her overbearing mother appearing all the time and I have no liking of it at all. She is always critical of me, puts me down but never seems to mind taking my pay cheque.
I could no more have sex with than eat shit and that is never going to happen.
The good news is that a lovely lady who i met in Pixies chat is coming to see me early next year and we hope that what we see in each other by chat, email, phone and letter is reciprocated in face to face meeting. I have learned some hard lessons. Don't marry someone because you are lonely and feel unloveable. learn as much about the person as you can. Have some common interests and have that spark of physical attraction as well as friendship.
Internet affairs. Never fall in love with anyone on the net. Do not trust anything on the net. Meet the person live and view evasivness for whatever reason with the utmost suspicion.
I got very very hurt by falling in love on the net and not seeing the situation for what it really was. I was clouded to reason really, being a caring sensetive person make you exceptionally vunerable to manipulation. I am at last making sense of things and am ready willing and determined to move forwards and stop looking backwards.
I do not intend to love and lose with my next relationship. I will use the failures of the past help me make the right judgments for the right reasons.
I was never really turned on by my wife physically. She was and is a fairly gawky woman. Not someone you would give a second look to if you were a guy 'window shopping' in the mall.
She was however, single, never married, living with an overbearing mother and wanted to have a partner to love her and raise a family with. Above all, I suppose in the light of hindsight, she was available and wanted me.
I found her personable but quite unsure of herself, reasonably intelligent but not well educated.
I had just lost a girlfriend who I was extremely attracted to physically and emotionally. She had been in a previous abusive relationship and was unable to enter into a relationship.
My wife and I both filled a big hole in each others lives and that was such an improvement for us both that we were happy for some time. The sex was terrible really. She was so modest it was several years befor I saw her fully naked. Only missionary no oral, no experimentation and only in the dark of night.
When the kids were born she seemed to lose interest and it became once a month. Later it got less and after 10 years and trying all I could to get her to be responsive I lost interest.
I found that the only thing we really had in common was the children. She had no opinions about things much except for clothes and the kids things. I went on the internet and met other people but never strayed physically or had a real life affair.
My wife and I share the same house but I live downstairs. We only are together for the sake of the kids and because we cannot afford to be apart at the moment.
I see more of her overbearing mother appearing all the time and I have no liking of it at all. She is always critical of me, puts me down but never seems to mind taking my pay cheque.
I could no more have sex with than eat shit and that is never going to happen.
The good news is that a lovely lady who i met in Pixies chat is coming to see me early next year and we hope that what we see in each other by chat, email, phone and letter is reciprocated in face to face meeting. I have learned some hard lessons. Don't marry someone because you are lonely and feel unloveable. learn as much about the person as you can. Have some common interests and have that spark of physical attraction as well as friendship.
Internet affairs. Never fall in love with anyone on the net. Do not trust anything on the net. Meet the person live and view evasivness for whatever reason with the utmost suspicion.
I got very very hurt by falling in love on the net and not seeing the situation for what it really was. I was clouded to reason really, being a caring sensetive person make you exceptionally vunerable to manipulation. I am at last making sense of things and am ready willing and determined to move forwards and stop looking backwards.
I do not intend to love and lose with my next relationship. I will use the failures of the past help me make the right judgments for the right reasons.