Females, what really makes you cum?

[whosithis]

First post here, long time lurker tho. Thanks for all the stories and good information. Very "educational"... :D

Anyway, I am wondering what about clitoral stimulation really gets you off? Is it rubbing really hard, really fast, light touch, slow touch? Or do you like to vary? Do you build yourself up to a really hard and fast climax, or slowly saunter your way there?

Can a woman train herself to only climax through a certain pattern of stimulation? Maybe you can guess where this is going. My SO and I are having difficulties with her orgasms. I find that I don't have the right touch to use my fingers on her clit, and my tongue can build up her excitement, but can't go fast and hard enough to bring her over the edge. It has been the source of much angst.

Thanks in advance for any responses.

[Lilith]

Does she use a vibe?

Sometimes if a woman uses a vibe on a regular basis she can become desensitized to less intense stimulation. If this is the case I would suggest she forego the vibe for a bit.

I would say this is a case where you need to explore every inch of her slowly and ask questions while you do it, "there? harder?" I would suggest she may be in need of a good long slow tease (or maybe that is just me;)) and I think if you talk your way through it she will respond so you know just what she needs.

[whosithis]

Originally posted by Lilith
Does she use a vibe?

I would say this is a case where you need to explore every inch of her slowly and ask questions while you do it, "there? harder?" I would suggest she may be in need of a good long slow tease (or maybe that is just me;)) and I think if you talk your way through it she will respond so you know just what she needs.

She doesn't use a vibe, but (without having much experience) I tend to think the vigorous way in which she masturbates by hand can produce the same desensitization.

I have once tried to go slowly... She made me go faster. Maybe next time I should not listen to her and just go at my own pace?

[hitachi]

I have heard so much info on both side of the whole desensitizing thing that I do not know what to believe. I do know that my wife and use a bullet vibe on her clit most of the time during sex. She does not have to have it for her to climax, but it does give her a much stronger more intense longer lasting orgasm.
I think you lady is like the other 80 some odd percent of women in this world that can not climax from vaginal penetration alone. In the case of my wife she usually needs multiple parts of her body stimulated for her to achieve climax. It does not really matter if it’s sucking on her nipples, rimming her anus, anal penetration with a finger or a vibe. Even kissing and sucking on her neck combined with a little sexy/dirty talk will drive her over the edge. A couple of times I have tried light caresses all over her body during a love making session, it works but it really takes a long, long time(great for her but I got kind of bored). Most any form off stimulation when combined with vaginal penetration is enough for her to orgasm. The secret is for you to keep her mind busy with sensory overload. Don’t let her focus on just one thing, the more areas you can make tingle and feel pleasurable the greater the whole experience will be for her and thus for you as well.