New Relationship

[Rifter]

Ok, First off I would like to say Hi to everyone, this is my first post here, i have been lurking for a while but never posted till today. Also this is going to be a long post, sorry. Anyways onto the point.

I Broke up with my ex 1 month and a half ago. I was with her for 3 years and was planning on getting married to her, i had never loved anyone more than i loved her. To make a long story short she cheated on me and i left her. I have never been hurt that bad in my life, it took my 2 best friends days to get me back together and keep me from doing anyhting stupid(like killing or doing great bodily harm to my ex) That said, i met a new girl and things are going very well i just have a few concerns i want to voice and get your peoples opinions on.

First off, Things are moving fast, very fast, I told her at the begining that she will be setting the pace of the relationship because of my recent breakup and i did not trust myself to set the pace because im on the rebound. She is taking things fast, im ok with this it just worries me a bit because part of me is telling me not to get so attached again because it will be that much easyer for her to hurt me the more i get attached. Which really is not fair to her, she is a nice girl and is probably not planning on fucking me over like my ex. However having been badly burned once i am very hesitant and find myself fighting my feelings towards her.

Also i find myself falling for her faster than i have fallen for anyone before, i cant help it, im not trying to, im trying to stop it but i cant. The thing is she told me she loved me first and feels just as strongly about me as i do about her. Im unsure what to do about this, I love her, i think, im pretty darn sure i do but i keep having doubts that perhaps i feel this way because of the recent breakup and this is just me trying to replace what i had for 3 years. Honestly i dont know if that is the case or not, but i do feel something for her and it feel alot like love.

The sex is awesome, the best sex i have ever had(i have had 10 partners before her, i have been around the block). The thing is, she was not a virgin, she has had 3 guys but she has never had a orgasm before. I gave her her first one(and have the ripped up lower back to prove it, i hate long nails) and i am now wondering if perhaps she is telling me she loves me just because of the sex, she used to hate sex from what her friends and she tells me and now she wants is 3,4,5 or more times a day(she has had more sex with me in the last 3 weeks than the rest of her life combined). Im wondering if this is effecting her judgement. What do you guys think?

Our relationship is very open, i am being totaly honest with her, she knows all the details of the breakup and the problems im having because of it. And i have discussed the above topics with her in detail. I want outside opinions. Thanks for listening guys, take care.

Nathan

[Lilith]

1) Welcome to Pixies!

2) You have a wonderful name! I have a Nathan I love to bits!

3) You are thinking too much. Your head is fucking up what may be a really good thing. Move forward. Don't let your ex have power over you by allowing her space in your head! Enjoy what you have.....if it is a rebound relationship it sounds like it is a lovely one. Go with it.

[Rifter]

you know thats exactly what all my friends are telling me. However its one of those things that is easy to say and hard to do. However i have put serious effort into blocking my ex from my mind its just not easy to forget 3 years of your life. Thanks for the advice.

[hitachi]

I think you have answered your own question, just look at your signature.

[Rifter]

hitachi

Good point, its just i have always been one to worry about things and think too much, oh well my GF will be here in 5 min and im sure i will be able to relax then. Thanks guys.

[Steph]

You should spend some time alone walking, IMHO. Be by yourself, see how things progress in your mind as you walk - Stanley Park, maybe? :)

[Rifter]

Steph
We do go on walks, we both love the outdoors, when i am with her its hard to think about anyhting but how much i care about her, its like the rest of the world just melts away and i am as happy and content as i could get. I have never felt this way before. Thanks guys!

[Loulabelle]

I think Steph meant 'ALONE' - y'know. Like just one person - YOU! Hehehehe....

But y'know what I think? I think that the mere fact that you factored her in just then says it all.

If you feel good and she feels good and you've been honest about your situation then just do it.

And you're right, you're ex was a part of your life for 3 years, you CAN'T just deny it ever happened. I was with someone for four years and although we split over a year ago, I still talk to my boyfriend about him. And my boyfriend realises that that's ok because he was a part of my life for a long time. I'm sure you're new lover will be equally as understanding.

As for the sex......good sex is usually born out of good communication, consideration, for each other, mutual attraction, and an emotional 'connection'. Sounds like a perfect recipe for love if you ask me.

If you're having fun and you're not hurting anyone keep doing it. In the future who knows what might happen, she might hurt you, you might hurt her, but then again you both might get run down by a bus tomorrow! You can't live your life worrying about whether someone's going to get hurt, you just need to know when to move on if someone does get hurt (and it seems like you've already learnt to do that) Don't worry. I can tell you're going to be fine.

Lou
x

[Grumble]

I think that you are doing well.

Remain open and communicate. It is natural to expect the steinways to fall from the sky after a hurtful experience.

Best of luck to you noth

[Grumble]

um try both not noth LOL

[naughtyeddie]

i think you need to be careful

you have not had enough time to recover from your ex and may be on the rebound.

if you are is it fair to your present gf? be fair to her and be careful not to lad her on althow with good intentions but still on the rebound.

this girl cant just fit in and continue from where you and your ex left off.

be responsible, take it easy and dont take her for a ride and hurt her.

when we are recovering from a break up we are not the same as we usually are, we are more sensitive, understanding, compromising etc.

be carefull

ne

[Incubus255]

Now how could i read this and not post, regardless of how little I post

I just broke up with my ex of 3 years about two weeks ago, she had cheated on me as well, she broke alot of promises to me and now I'm feeling quite lost, so I'll be so bold as to say I see where you care coming from

I don't blame you at all for overthinking everything, I'm the same way, Really I'm feeling the same way, how can I really open up again after being betrayed that way, I'm afraid I can't offer you any answers to your problem as If I had the answers I'd certainly be using them myself lol

On the other hand though, I can say that things certainly aren't going to get better without taking a chance, really thats what the majority of life comes down to , how much your willing to gamble, yes you could very well get hurt again, but would you really want to pass up the chance to actually have things work this time?

I don't know about you but I've always been a sucker for love and I just can't sit by and let things pass me over lol, although blindly fighting for love against all odds hasn't really turned out the best for me.

I'd say go for it, I know it won't be easy and I'm sure doubts will always be in the back of your mind, I know mine won't be going away anytime soon at all, 3 years of promises shattered like so much crystal leaves one a bit lacking in the department of trust, mainly because, well I believed her, and sadly enough I know that she meant what she told me WHEN she told me , but what difference does it make, if people can suddenly change there feelings for a person after three years what really is there to trust in a person if they generally don't know what they want?

lol I'm sure my ranting isn't exactly helping but it's semi for my own benefit as well, But go for it, You can't let a good chance pass you by , although it may turn out bad , and there is always a chance that things could go wrong, If you work hard at it and keep a open communication with each other I'm sure things will work out alot better, just don't let any problems go unsettled

lol I wish you guys the best of luck, as for me I'm going to sink back into my little depressed hole now and mope for a bit , ^_- lol hopefully I'll find myself a lovely girl as well soon enough

ya really gotta love that want/fear that comes from things, the want of love and the fear of the pain that comes with love lol

[Rifter]

Thanks Incubus255 for posting, its good to know im not the only one feeling this way And if you want to rant about it in my thread be my guest lol i dont mind as i know where you are comeing from. BTW Incubus kicks ass, i love the songs stellar and drive. Things are going good still with the new GF, we are talking alot and she is very understanding and is trying to help me work through my problems the best she can. Like you said i have to take chances, i just hope im not setting myself up to get screwed again, time will tell. Thanks guys!

[LixyChick]

There ya go Rifter! Time! That's the key. "It" heals all wounds......"it's" on our side...."it" comes and goes in the blink of an eye and we have memories of "it" but no insight of "it's" future. All we know for sure about "it" is...........that "it" goes on..........

The best we can do with it is hold each precious moment that we are given and savour it before it slips away! When it's gone......it's gone. We can only let it go and keep it's memory. With that memory, we learn a lesson............what to repeat and what is not worth repeating.

If we heed life's lessons learned through time........we better ourselves and therefore better our future encounters.

Your life is looking up now! Savour it and don't let each moment slip away while pondering what "was" and what "might" be. Not that you shouldn't plan a future...........but that you shouldn't plan on that future failing. Best of luck and congratulations on your new found love!

[hellsbells]

I am pleased you have met someone new, and that you are open with each other because that is very important. It appears that you and her are extremely good together, for whatever reasons, you on the rebound? her having good sex at last? Does it really matter? Enjoy the moment.
Speaking as a woman, and I hope a compassionate and understanding one, I would be glad that you voiced your fears, and that you felt comfortable enough to share your worries, but I wouldn't want you going on and on and on about your ex. Enough is enough, go forward...love again and be happy.

[Oldfart]

Rifter, you are, it sounds, at a time of your life where you are still

exploring the limits of relationships.

They fall over or flourish for all sorts of reasons, some of which you

have absolutely no control.

Grasp life joyfully, but don't take it to seriously, 'cos if you do it'll

eat you up and spit you out.