Are you envied? or Envious?

[jennaflower]

As everyone knows, I am single.. and have been for sometime. I have a great group of friends consisting of 6 couples & their kids, myself and my son. Yes, I am the only one that is a single parent. Most of our gatherings include our children, but often I find myself being the only single one in the bunch... not what I call an ideal situation. Now, don't get me wrong, none of them have ever knowingly or purposely done anything that would make me feel uncomfortable.. but naturally that is something that occurs from time to time.

Today, was my best friends birthday, thus I threw her a suprise BBQ at her house and invited everyone in our "group". It was great as always to be around all of them, but I couldn't help but falling into the "envy" thing for a moment or two... thankfully those were fleeting..

So.. my question to all of you is this:

In the friendships that you have, do you ever find yourself envying them for what they have (relationship wise) versus the place you are in your life? If so, how do you deal with it? Do you think that your friends envy you? If so, why, and how do you deal with it?




Sorry... been a long day... and my mind hasn't shut down enough for the sandman to take over... thought that maybe posting this here might get me to relax some...

HUGS

[Lilith]

Interesting question.....


I am blessed more than I could ever deserve and in general do not feel envious of my friends, especially when it comes to families, spouses,$$, etc. I also think envy can get in the way of a friendship so I am grateful I do not have those feelings often. If I feel envious it is usually because someone has had 2 kids and still has a waist:D:D:p

[LixyChick]

I'm married with no children. All my friends have children in various stages of maturity. I think the pendulum swings both ways in my situation. At times I am envious of my friends and their children.....and at times I am happy for my independence. I think my friends might say that they wish for some of my independence as well. Seems it's true that the grass may SEEM greener in other places.........but for the most part I am happy in my situation as there really is nothing I can do about it at this point so, I am resigned to sharing a friends experience with their children and then going home to share my life with my husband. It's a good life!

[skipthisone]

I like to say I am happy in life but I am a big at looking around and thinking about being with this or that person. But the only time I get envious is when I see a really nice looking woman married to just a horrid fat man, I just think....she could do better than that...like me.

I also have a little personal issue with bad dad's. I am not saying I am the best ever, but I abhor dad's that do not participate with their kids or just in general at home.


But now dont get me started on Fussy and Lou.....

[Scarlett]

I am really happy with the way things are in my life. I only have one really close friend and she is happy with hers as well. We both have good husbands (mine is better lol), two children, two cars, own our own homes...everything is going good for all of us right now.

[PantyFanatic]

I have had a complete life with home, wife, two super kids I can be proud of today and all the happiness and agonies that come with it. Today I’m alone and sometimes long for the companionship to share more than just a happy sex life with. Other times I appreciate the independence and limited responsibilities. I guess Lixy said it all for me.


Is that why I love your ass Lixy?
You can do the talking,…… just bend over. ;)

[seriousfun]

I'm a single father half the time (two boys, 11 and 14, and believe me, they need my influence).

I don't know any married couples whom I envy; their relationships pale when compared to the passion in mine. I am far happier single than I was for many years when married.

I am a little envious of the money that a few couples I know have. They are both in the public eye, and their lives are ten times more complicated than mine.

[dicksbro]

Married, seven kids, retired .. really couldn't ask for more ... but there are times when I see friends and family that, by not having so many children, are more materially well off and able to do things my wife and I simply can't. Oh well.

I honestly don't think I feel "envy," more like moments of wishful thinking. I know that in many, many ways we are very lucky.

[Loulabelle]

I was VERY lucky to have grown up with enough money to know that I really couldn't care less about it. I know it doesn't buy happiness so I don't think I'll ever envy people for having money.

However, having said that, the only people I am ever envious of are my two completely spoilt Step-brothers who both work for their father. They have never had to work for anything in their lives. They have the cheek to hate my mother for what her and my step-father 'put them through' (yeah right - 1 weekend a fortnight, while I had it 24/7) if they ever have a problem financially or otherwise their father will always sort it out for them. I on the other hand, work damn hard just to stay on my feet, with none of the support and cushioning that they have, blah blah blah.


Writing this has just made me realise how bitter I am about it.....we went through some serious shit last summer and I haven't really forgiven anyone for it. I think I should probably shut up.


Oh and SKip: Fussy told me the other day that someone had started a 'Should Lou and Fussy get a room?' thread. I thought he was joking but now I'm not so sure.........We will try to restrain ourselves in future. x

[skipthisone]

As long as I am in the closet of that room peaking out....go right ahead

[Loulabelle]

Hehehehe - well if you insist.....but I warn you: what comes with the steaming hot filthy passion is a whole lot of vomit inducing billing and cooing. So if you're in that closet DO NOT throw up over my fave strappy sandals, or else!!!!!!!!!!

[skipthisone]

What if I try them on?

[Loulabelle]

Now don't start that with me! I've just read how big your feet are!

*Spanks Skip's behind* Now STOP hijacking Jenna's thread or she'll hate us both.

Sorry Jenna. x

[skipthisone]

Sorry Jenna

*hangs head low and walks away with these nice strappy sandals on his feet*

[krzykrn]

I think we all go through some phase or time where we wish we had something someone else had...hell everytime I go to the park and see these happy couples hand in hand, giggling, kissing, hugging, it makes me wish I had someone...but it passes (although I still do want that, meant the envy hehe). I think it is all about realizing where you are in your life, being happy with it, but also knowing that things can change (and for the better), and if there are steps you can take to help, to do them and see what happens.

On a side note, I was the object of envy two weekends ago and a good friend's wedding. Many of the women (old and young) kept commenting how beautiful my hair was, and stroking it, combing through it lol, when I told them I don't use any special conditioner that I just wash it, some got upset haha.

[BigBear57]

I sometimes feel I see some envy when I'm out and around with my kids. I think some people wish they had a relationship with theirs like we have. Yet, when I'm dining alone and see a happy couple across the way. I watch as she touches him tenderly on the neck as they talk. He rubs her arm or holds her hand. Yeah, envy isn't half what I feel at that moment.

[jennaflower]

BigBear...

the scenerio that you just described... are the moments when envy bites me... material things.. I dont' get envious about... but it is the unspoken moments that I witness... those get me everytime.

[MilkToast]

Of the people that I consider true friends all but one is married. That makes me one of the two single guys in the group. Luckly I don't think the other guy is ever going to move out of his parent's house (we're all in our late 20's or early 30's) so there is still hope for me :p. At times I am envious that my buds all have found what seem to be great women for them to marry (no marriages gone awry yet, and hopefully never will) and that I have not yet come across the right person.

Then I realize that I better not think about that too much and get depressed. So I hang out with them and their friends (some of them have to be single too :)) and get on with my life... I am lucky to have good friends, a good job, a healthy body... so there really is no need for envy :) (how's that for denial?)

[quisath]

I have no Envy..............and if someone envies me then it has never been discussed. I think my freedom may stir abit of talk but only momentary.

[Vigil]

Aother great thread Jenna, addressing challengimg issues.

From the Brit perspective, I think we have a very interesting situation. My parents were from the WW11 generation and were a tough stoical lot. We were brought up to be happy and grateful for what we had. I think that this has lead me not to be envious - some wishful thinking perhaps.

On the other hand, like so many cultural changes here through the 60's and 70's, attitudes have changed. People will envy you now for your fancy car, house, job etc. and they will behave differently to you.

These tend to be material things and in my view they are issues for the enviers to deal with, though we now have too many who want to push their success in your face.

As for other's relationships - do you have the expression rose tinted spectacles? - the reality is always different to the perception, and besides you can't be someone else so the relationship would never be the same.

[Devillishgirl]

My SO and I have a very close group of friends, almost all of us are married with at least one kid and financially, we're all at the same point in our lives. I don't think I've ever envied them where they are at now though I know one of our girlfriends, the only non-married one, sometimes finds herself envious of our "wedded bliss" and kids. LOL I tell her she should enjoy the freedom while she can. :D