How do you have your orgasms?

[Casperr]

Hi all!

Just a question about female orgasms.
I have a twenty year old friend of mine who has never had an orgasm from penetration. She can climax clitorally, whether by masturbating or oral stimulation. This worries her a bit, because it means she isn't cumming when she has sex, which upset her (now ex) boyfriend.

So my question is - how unusual is this? I've heard that the majority of women aren't able to cum through penetration alone, is this true?

What suggestions do you have to help her in this situation?

Any and all help will be appreciated! :)

Thanks!
CasperTG

PS, she has now broken up with her boyfriend, but not because of anything to do with this.

[Sharni]

I need extra stimulation during penetration to orgasm....as far as i know its pretty normal

As for suggestions....either I or Bilbo play with my clit while having sex to reach orgasm

[dicksbro]

My wife usually requires manual stimulation of the clitoris and even then doesn't always experience orgasm. I only recall a very few times when penetration caused orgasm, and that was after a lot of foreplay.

Usually oral stimulation is the most effective way to help her achieve climax.

[Lilith]

I have cum by penetration alone on several rare instances. I was really stimullated and the strokes were reaching what I believe to be my A spot. I am not sure, but it felt fucking fantabulous.

Normally I need a little clit tease to help me have an orgasm during intercourse but nothing feels better than spasming against a lovely rock hard cock!

[Loulabelle]

I usually need clitoral stimulation to achieve climax, but I can get that from the sensation of his body pressing against mine during sex. Plus I can have 'vaginal' orgasms which are not as intense or as satisfying if he thrusts very hard and fast into me.

I find direct clitoral stimulation can often be far too intense to be pleasurable so just feeling his body push against mine in a less localised way is really good. I suppose it depends on how the guy moves, and how long he can hold out for as often women take longer to climax than men.

I've also found that having a lot of direct clitoral stimulation during foreplay can sometimes desensitize my clit a little so that the stimulation it recieves during intercourse is no longer enough. Likewise, once I've used a vibe on my clit, it's very unlikely that I'll be able to cum with anything other than the continued vibrating sensations (i.e. if I take the vibe away and try to stimulate myself with hand/tongue/penis/whatever it won't work!)

Hope this helps your friend.......

[Cheyanne]

It depends upon the position for me. I can orgasm by penetration alone, but to have clit stimulation and or anal stimulation along with penetration will send me over much quicker and with more intesity. I have also noticed that with more clitoral foreplay, I am more sensitive during intercourse and will orgasm during penetration alone..........

[BlueSwede]

If you think about the fact that the majority of the nerve endings that are giving men their orgasms are on and around the head of their penises and that the equivalent nerve endings for women are on their clits, is it any wonder that about a third or more of all women do NOT come unless their clits receive some type of stimulation and that just penetration of their vaginas isn't enough? Personally I think female anatomy is really screwed up (no pun intended); females would be better served to have those nerve endings located inside their vaginas. I guess somewhere somebody thought that having massive orgasms during vaginal delivery of a baby was NOT a good idea and chose to place those nerve endings elsewhere. People often think that the pulling of the labia during vaginal intercourse and the bumping of the clit that can occur during intercourse will be enough stimulation to trigger an orgasm. Not so for many of us. How easily could you come from someone tugging on your nuts or just licking them or from an occasional bump or lick of the head of your penis, but no continuous stimulation there?

What is sad is that so many people, such as your friend and her ex-friend, seem to feel that there is something wrong with her, something that needs to be remedied. There are ways to try to make it happen, but what I think is most important is to realize that she really isn't "broken"; she's quite normal. It's just the design that's screwed up.

Now, there are lots of kinds of orgasms. Like Lilith mentioned, there are A-spot orgasms, G-spot orgasms, clitoral orgasms, ones triggered by stimulation of other areas (ass, breasts, etc.) but with no touching of the vulvar area. And then there are blended orgasms--ones that involve stimulation of more than one erogenous zone, such as clit and G-spot. For most of us women, though, the strongest orgasms of all originate in our clits, which means SOME kind of stimulation there. (My personal favorites are blended--clitoral and G-spot or A-spot.)

My biggest hope for your friend is that the next time she has a lover, someone who really does care about her, he or she is knowledgable and understanding and accepting enough of her the way her body is wired to work with her to help her achieve the greatest pleasure in a way that is really best for her and to not make her feel like she is abnormal when she most definitely isn't.

[Steph]

Originally posted by CasperTG
She can climax clitorally, whether by masturbating or oral stimulation. This worries her a bit, because it means she isn't cumming when she has sex, which upset her (now ex) boyfriend.



Wow, that guy has some issues!!!!

I'm 29 and was only recently able to cum through intercourse. It's still a lot easier for me to cum through clitoral stimulation.

[Cheyanne]

*Breaks out the bubbly*

Well said BlueSwede!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[BlueSwede]

Thanks, Cheyanne. It really saddened me to think that her boyfriend got upset with her when really it's just a matter of neither he nor she understanding how most of us are wired. A lot of us women already have a hard enough time with our self-images without something like that thrown in to boot.

[ericthered]

How easily Milady comes depends mostly on how hungry and wide awake she is. If she is tired, sleepy and had a few orgasms yesterday, it's going to take a little work. On the other hand if she's hungry and has woken up slowly on Sunday morning - wow! It doesn't take much of anything to start her off.

Once while suffering a few weeks of separation, she even came by letter without any contact at all - the best thing I ever wrote.

[Casperr]

Wowee! Thanks everyone for all your answers - what an awesome response!
Once again Pixies proves to be an incredible resource and place of support and help! Well done everyone!

Lots of good suggestions, I'll pass them on to her.
And I agree with those who weren't impressed by her ex - the guy was a jerk really, and she's much much much better off without him.

I just wasn't sure how common or uncommon it was..... I think it's so interesting how every sex scene in the movies has not only penetration-only orgasms, but simultaneous as well! In Hollywood, all sex is great sex! LOL :)

Once again thanks for all the reassurance and helpful advice!

CasperTG

[BlueSwede]

Sure, CasperTG. :) Please tell her that we said she deserves much better and that she's ahead of a lot of women if she can come via oral sex and masturbation. Not all of us can even do that! (And you're right...only in the movies and obviously from a male's perspective.) :cool:

[ScottWaz]

there isnt anything wrong with that, my S/O cant cum just from penetration, so its either oral, or some clit play while she is on top...i think it makes it more fun!