How to let go.... [ need advice plz ]

[Master1012]

Hey ya'll .. I haven't posted here in a LOOOONG time... but i figured what the hell might as well come back right?


Ok... I've been with my girlfriend for like... 17 months...

My best friend, myself, and my girlfriend hung out a lot...

After a while... I felt that my girlfriend and this friend were getting too close for my comfort...

I confronted her about this and asked her to tell him that his presence wasn't appreciated anymore [ he wouldnt listen to me ].

She refused to do so... I told her I no longer trusted her with him..

We tried to stay together still.... but it seems we just can't / couldnt work things out..

After that.. I became what you would call controlling.. Fearing I was losing her I tried to hold her to me tighter.... It backfired

She is religious and took what I said as me calling her a whore.. which hurt her very badly... That I should have known better than to not trust her... So she wants the relationship to end.... She said she doesn't love me anymore...

She forgives me for doing it but she says " You can cut someone very deeply with a knife... That person can forgive you for it... But the wound and scar will still remain.... "

However, the call is up to me because we agreed on it at the beginning of the relationship..

How can I let her go? I still love her deeply.. more than life itself... I know I messed up badly despite me thinkin at the time it was the right thing to do.... and want to make things better... but she wont listen to me.. She says she sees no hope for us....

Any advice out there on how to make letting go maybe slightly easier?

[dadaist]

Not really. Sometimes when it's time to move on, it's just time to move on. Everyone copes differently with such changes. Sorry if I can't be more helpful....

[dm383]

It's ALWAYS hard, letting go of someone you love ~ but if she doesn't love you, then there's no point in trying to hold on.... as you've already discovered.

Although.... there is an old saying that goes something like "to keep someone close, let them go" ... if you can stop seeing her as your "girlfriend" and see her just as a friend, well..... who knows what'll happen in the future?!

It'll be hard, I know; but worth a try?? Only you can call that one!

Good Luck!!

DM

[Grumble]

I am hopeless at letting go, myself but if you stay out of her circle perhaps that will help a little. Out of sight out of mind sort of thing.

Sorry that I have no better words of wisdom

[LixyChick]

It's corny.....but in essence it's true.......

If you love someone.......set them free. If they come back to you, then they are yours. If they don't, it wasn't meant to be.

As to how one let's go............they just do.....unselfishly....with NO expectations. The more expectations we have....the more we can get hurt in the end if these expectations never come to fruition.

Final bit of advice..........The more you try to inject yourself into someones life when they don't want you there.......the more they won't want you there! Pressure never made for a stable and loving environment. Just put yourself in her shoes for a moment......or try and remember a time in your life when someone wanted to pull you closer when you didn't want to. Did you get closer despite what you felt? Or did it cause you to back away further?

Sorry I couldn't say what you wanted to hear.......but deep down you probably knew all of this anyway.

I wish you a happier time in a relationship that you both love being in......

Hope this helps in some small way.

[Steph]

I'm with LixyChick on this one.

I hope you learn from what you've done, how you've acted and your next relationship will be more healthy for both parties. I'm being blunt because I know what it's like to date a possessive person and it takes over the whole relationship.

[Irish]

I agree with dm383s first paragraph.I'm not one to give advice on
a relationship,because everyone&every situation is different.I
HAVE been married to the same person for 38yrs.The BIGGEST thing in a relationship is respect for the other!Believe it or not,
sex isn't the ONLY thing.It is important,but as you age,you realise
that it's also important bieng with someone that you love&trust!
The best part of my day,now,is just before sleep,when my wife&I,
HOLD each other and I know that everything is done.Maybe it just comes with age.All of the petty jealousy feelings are mostly
gone.You start to realise that she wouldn't have stayed&put up
with so much crap,if she wanted someone else!Secondly:Don't try
to change the other.If you do,the initial attraction,won't be there
anymore.Maybe I'm a romantic,but I have always believed that
everyone has ONE person that is meant for them.I know it's hard
to do,but just move on. Irish
P.S.I have,probably,ruined my "Bad Ass"image now,but that's the
way that I feel.Hope this helps!

[Irish]

Apology:I don't know what's going on!I have tried to edit the previous post,twice.Where I wrote"Secondly:Don't"A smily face
kept appearing.I even hit"edit"and reversed the face and retyped a capital "D"!Sorry,Irish

[Master1012]

I see....

I appreciate the advice guys and gals..

But I doubt it's going to make things any easier on me...

Oh well... Guess I can try

[IAKaraokeGirl]

Irish~You have to put a space between the : and the D of "don't." Otherwise, : D appears as :D.

[Irish]

IAKaraokeGirl---Thanks!A mechanic never needed to know
about typing.I had to take a night coursein keyboarding,to
learn.I got an "A"but quickly reverted back to ONE finger
because that's what's natural to me. Irish
P.S.That's also why it takes me a 1/2hr to write a thread!I'm
learning!

[seriousfun]

From reading your post, IMO your communications skills and your heart are both working well and true, but this girl's are not.

Unless she is willing to, with all of her heart, say that she understands what you said and why, I would agree it's time to go.

There is no reason why you can't go on loving her, but from what I read, every reason why you can't go on being with her. Say your peace to her, from your heart, and move on.

[KingMinotaur]

Hi there.. I remember chatting with you on the subject a couple of nights ago.. anytime you want to talk , just PM me if you see I'm here,and I'll gladly hop into chat.. 8o) hey, what're friends for? hehe def. one thing I love about pixies.. yes, we're all here to gawk at each other, but we're also all here to help each other and pick each other up when things are getting us down :D