affairs

[eyesopen]

Would like to know how many of you are having affairs

[jennaflower]

not me... and I would venture to guess that few here are...

of course.. that is dependant on your definition of an affair...

so please explain what you consider an affair to be...

[Aqua]

Hi eyesopen, welcome to Pixies! Gotta say, that's a pretty personal question for a first post. What is the purpose of your inquiry?

[dadaist]

Don't you have to have someone to be having an affair "against" (if that's the right word to use) before you can have the affair? :P

[Sharni]

Well i can answer that one easily enough *L*

Not Me!!!!!

[Lilith]

If you mean by affair his tab A in my slit..... er I mean slot B then no.


















but one can always hope:p

[eyesopen]

I hope I have not got under anyones skin.
May be I put it the wrong way.
What are your thoughts on affairs.

[dadaist]

What about willing to be the "other man?" Can I take applications? :P

[Scarlett]

I have never had an affair and honestly don't ever see it happening. I am very happily married.

[blkcat]

Lilith but one could always hope




Live in hope,

Die in despair :(

[naughtyeddie]

i did once

it was when i was with my first girlfriend, we were in college, and we were virgins, she did not believe in premaratal sex, she later did after we broke up, i had an affair with another girl who would do anthing for me and to me .
it lasted 6 months then i decided to choose one and chose my virgin girlfriend , the other was a real bitch, we were steady for 3 years and off and on for 2 years after.

after the virgin and io broke up i went back to my other girl, big mistake, without competition she was a real cold bitch.

we lasted 6 months

i would not do it again as i dont think i would play someone like that again.

my second girlfreind/my first mistress cheated on me , but i deserved it for the way i treateed my first girlfriend, time to pay for my sins.

now i know how it feels i would never do that to another person.

since then i have been totally faithful to my girlfriends.

dont fuck up people if you dont want to get fucked up

[naughtyeddie]

talking about it makes me think i should call my first girlfriend and appologise for my in discression even though it happened 13 years ago

[BigBear57]

An affair you're in may seem like fun but an affair your SO is in will open your eyes to the real meaning of pain.

[skipthisone]

eddie, see i dont believe cheating on girlfriends/boyfriends counts ... just my opinion

[Sharni]

Skip~ interesting....can i ask why you feel that way

[skipthisone]

I just do, I am not a big believer in monogomy. Dont get me wrong I want to be honest with whomever I am with, But I am and always have been a complete non-jealous person and personally would love it if my wife was having an affair. The one girlfriend I had who slept around like I did, was one of the best times. Not mainstream in any sense..but my views.

But i know of few people that are completely non-jealous as me.

[jennaflower]

BigBear..

An incredibly awesome truth..

[Sharni]

Thats cool Skip....i wasn't meaning anything by questioning you....was just curious as to your veiw :)

[dicksbro]

Nope. Not me.

But, I don't judge either. Everyone has to make their own decisions. By the way, welcome to Pixies eyesopen!

[skipthisone]

no prob sharn...ask anytime. As sexy as you are you can question me anytime...


Damn i am such a kiss ass...

[celticangel]

not me......................was "cheated" against by the guy I loved last year~~~~~~~~~~~~~found out that a broken heart really is a physical pain

now lucky enough to be with a very special man ~~~wouldn't do anything to cause him pain~ever!
love you Dm!

[Loulabelle]

Skip's answer interested me, as I do not feel that cheating is the act of having sex outside of a monogamous relationship, but that it is sex (or any intimate act - even kissing) behind the other's back. I am really not a particularly jealous woman, although of course I do have my insecurities, but I HATE the idea of a partner lying to me. If a partner of mine ever had an indiscretion I would want him to feel that he could tell me so that between us we could decide what to do about the situation, than for him to lie to me about it.

I know I may not be the sexiest woman on the planet and that there WILL be other women who will be tempting to my man, but I also know that I'm not the most stupid one on the planet, and if an SO were to lie to me, then I'd feel that he was undermining my intelligence. Being lied to makes it impossible to maintain one's dignity and THAT can be harder to deal with than the fact that your SO has been in the arms of another.

To answer the question, no I am not having an affair and I never have, although I was in 'the other woman' role for about half an evening once. Hated it. Will never do it again. I have a strong philosophy that if you aren't happy or fulfilled with the one you're with, then it's not compulsory to stay in the relationship. I don't believe in fucking someone else's life up just because I can't make up my mind between two people or because I don't want to risk losing them both.

I realise how naive this all sounds but I have been tempted by others on plenty of occasions and each time have had the good sense to end one relationship before embarking on another. I try to live by these rules as I can't live with my conscience otherwise but if others can, then who am I to judge? Everybody's different.

[2-4-tea]

does cyber and phone sex count as an affair? if it does nt then I have nt.

[Lilith]

Originally posted by 2-4-tea
does cyber and phone sex count as an affair? if it does nt then I have nt.

If it does then I am fucked:o




and will need to edit my original answer:p

[naughtyeddie]

well since my experience i dnt do anything like that.
nothing remotely close to cheating, not even flirting.
it was an extremely painful experience and it too two years to trust another woman and get in a relationship.

but i do like adult movies and sites.
but i do browse these sites etc with my last two girlfriends,
we enjoyed it together so i did not feel guilty, and we never made personal contact with anyone so it was ok

my last girlfriend was not much into these things but she was allways with me even if reading a book while i surfed.

i dont think i would do any thing behind my future girlfriends back either

[Loulabelle]

As far as cyber and phone sex goes.....I think that depends on what you decide with your SO. If s/he knows you do it and is cool with it then fine, if not then in my book it counts as cheating.

Flirting is a different matter entirely. Fussy and I are both outrageous flirts (what do you mean, 'you'd noticed'? :p) but we don't do cyber/ phone sex with anyone but each other. Of course in time, we may decide to review this situation, who knows? but at present it suits us both. I think I speak for us both when I say that at the moment we get all the sexual thrills we need from each other. :D

[skipthisone]

I do agree with you Lou, I am a massive flirt in RL as well as in this imaginary universe. I truly wish I could review my online habits and share them with my SO, but I know that will never be. Do I consider it cheating? Yes I do. Do I consider it to be unfaithful, no. My heart is still in only one place. I am one of those delusional people that think fun and sex have nothing to do with where the soul is contected.

[huntersgirl]

To answer the original question, NO. While my ex was away for six months in the last part of the relationship, there were more than enough opportunities, and even though the relationship was not good, I would not even consider it. I have strong views on commitment, and when I make one, I can't cross that line. I was accused of having an affair. My ex didn't believe that the child we had concieved was his and believe me it is nice to know that there was no way in hell, other than immaculate conception that this was his child. He could accuse all he wanted and there was no guilt or secret questioning. I knew what I knew.

As far as the cybering question I have to agree with loulabelle on this...If it is done secretly than it is an indiscretion and in my book that doesn't sit well or work FOR ME. If it is in the open then I have the right to decide if it is something I can live with or not. I just think that if I found out about a "cyber relationship", or a real life affair, after the fact, I would feel that obviously something was missing from the "real relationship". And all those insecurities we try so hard to get over would come rushing in and ruin all possibility of a healthy relationship. If it was done in the open and it was understood that it was just sexual "fun" I would be okay with it. I have certainly grown a lot in the past few years and have come to realize that just because "we look" or "fantasize" doesn't mean that our partner isn't all we want them to be. The best part is to be able to look and fantasize together or to at least share these experiences on some level with my SO.

This is my opinion on the subject and in no way is meant to reflect my views on what others choose to do in their own lives. We all make our choices and have to be able to at least try to understand what leads others to do what ever it is that they do.

[Loulabelle]

I agree with you entirely Skip. Sex and the 'L' word are totally separate entities but the problem is, that not everyone's SO sees it that way.......

[Lilith]

I see fucking/sex (without expressed written consent) as cheating but an affair occurs when your heart is involved. Just how I compartmentalize.

[Summer]

I believe as Lilith mentioned above that an affair is where your heart is completely involved. I also believe that you can end up cybering with someone and it not be an affair. But that one you keep going back to and discussing in-depth about your feelings for one another that that is.

I have had a situation like that and learned a great deal from it. Although I still care for this person more than I could describe, it was an affair that I am not proud of myself about. I think I would have possible met this person in the RW if it kept going. Would I go back and change things if I could? Not on your life. ;) Would I do it again? No. Have I told my husband? No, I think it would hurt him to much.

Do I judge others for similar activities? ABSOLUTELY NOT!








Ouch I need out of this thread it is to damn serious! :P hehe

[blkcat]

for a lot of people an affair takes two commodities that are in short supply
Time and Money;)

[Cheyanne]

Having an affair/cheating on an S/O or spouse and hiding it/lying about it is a violation of trust... to me that is simple.

Those who view it as being o.k. don't have a factor of trust violation in their understandings between each other... I don't think of it as a jealousy factor... just an understanding between 2 people agreeing that the particular behavior...."affairs/cheating" is o.k.
Although they have different terminology for it.....

I don't judge what other's behaviors are.... it is their choice.... Would I do that.. no. There are many mitigating factors involved individually for a person to decide "cheating/having an affair" is o.k.

If I were in the frame of mind that monogamy wasn't for me.. I certainly wouldn't be with a person whose beliefs were totally opposite....

[skipthisone]

Cant always pick with whom you fall for.....

[LixyChick]

WOW! Your av just changed in my mid-perusing of this thread, skip! I've always wondered about that! Thanks!

And, I agree.......I don't judge as my heart is a big one!

If YOU think it's cheating in that you will hurt the S/O or s/he you......then it's cheating! If you think not......it's not!

Welcum to Pixies eyesopen! This is the most curious of first posts! I am the curious one....so.....how do you do? Could we know something more about you...as we spill our guts here?, (this question has been posed before). I love that you jumped right in but I'm kinda feeling like a specimen on a slide at the moment!

[eyesopen]

Well everyone seems to have there point or view.
Enjoyed reading them. Some one asked why I posted this Q.
Well just wanted to get all your views on the subject.

[darogle]

I've been cheated on. It destroyed our marriage (of 8 years), hurt my daughter, put me deeply in debt, wrecked my faith and self esteem, and even made me give up my dog (damn, I liked that dog!) So, no, can't say that I have anything too positive to say about affairs. It can destroy your life and those around you.
It was the deceit of it all that hurt me. I don't have a problem with "open" relationships, because it is out in the open, with your partner's input and blessing. Not saying I would feel comfortable in a relationship like that myself, but I think it is fine for those who do.

[Lilith]

I think my S/O is discovering that I see a clear difference between being in love and falling in lust. I can truly care about someone I lust after but I am only in love with him. This is making the topic of an "open" marriage one we are discussing alot lately.

eyesopen~ Welcome! I think if you look around especially in the Gen sex forum you will find more threads on faithfullness.

[Kimberly73]

I think as long as everything is out in the open there are no problems. Its when people hide things and are dishonest that problems can occur. My husband and I have recently started experimenting with a more open marriage. (I guess thats what you would call it.) We love each other and anything else that happens with anyone else does not mean there is a anything but a physical involvement on our part. As long as we are honest with each other about everything including our feelings we are both ok with it. We have also promised each other if either of us feels hurt by any of what we are doing we will stop.