Dating these days????

[Missy1965]

Hi.....I have to ask this question of you all, me and a friend were talking about different ways to meet people and dating again. Where would an attractive, nice, caring woman in her thirties attempt to find a nice, caring and above all respectable man when the local bars and nightclubs are not what she is into these days and the personals are not what she wants to try either? I have heard the old saying when you aren't looking it just happens to you. I'm not looking to run out and find someone but if I decided I wanted to start dating where would be a good start? Any suggestions or ideas that maybe some of you have found helpful would be great. It's strange for me to be asking this because it's not a situatin I ever thought I would end up in because when I was younger in my twentys etc... I never really had to think about these things. I was just in a very nice realtionship for a couple of years with a wonderful person I cared a lot about but sometimes things don't always work out and we ended up not being together anymore. Lately I have had a lot of time to think about things like not wanting to be alone and how nice it is to have someone to share things and do things with and as much as I like my time to myself the thought of being alone scares me to death. Can anyone relate to this? I'm not looking to jump right into a relationship but if I were where would any of you recommend going or doing to meet a nice person these days? Would love to hear any suggestions or ideas you may have or have tried. Thanks :)

[Steph]

Disclaimer: I work for a company that profits from Internet dating ads.

Having said that, I still say put up a profile on one of the sites - talk about your interests and see if you can hook up with someone with whom you have something.

I'm not a shill for the site, I just think they can work. The reason these sites are so successful are because of people like you.

Demographic: people in their 30s who are busy with their careers and hate the bar scene

[dadaist]

What, Pixie's isn't enough of a reason to go meet people? ;)

[naughtyeddie]

i can understand what missy is saying, i am ion the same position and it is no easier for men. in my 20's i had lots of women after me i only had to pick, i didnt because i was involved with my girlfriend for a few years ( i thought she was the one) and after we broke uo i spent the next few years off and on with her , a real rollercoaster.

now at 35 i am not at college where you can find women by the dozen, nor do i work in a job where i meet women younger than i , they are usually much older( 40's).

i too dont like going to night clubs as i dont like dancing or the environment, and any girl i meet there would most likely be into that so i cant win there.

but how do you meet people?

i live a settled and quiet life


any idead people.

i am sorry tha i am not near missy.

[Vintage Vixen]

Personal's can work out really well.I had an ad on yahoo back when they were still free lol,i knew exactly what i wanted ,the type of guy all that good stuff.My ad was very lighthearted and fun with no expectations of anything really coming of it.I also posted a good pic .I got tons of replys but the one that intersted me the most is the guy i'm still with today:) I think if you keep an ad light with a sense of humor and a pic you'll be suprised how well it can work:):) June 16th will be 2 yrs for us and i never thought i'd find anyone who could show me things i didn't know...boy was i wrong!!! Go for it Missy and GOOD LUCK!:)

[jennaflower]

okay...

Altho Personnels CAN BE a good place to expand your possibilites (or so I have been told), it just so happens not to be a good outlet for me (why, hell I have no clue).

The best way to meet prospective mates are via other close personal friends... not blind dates per se, but parties, gatherings, and other opportunities. Unfortunately, in my situation almost all of my friends are married as are most of their friends..

Another good option (I have been told) is to become active in a local church (or other religious gathering spot), tho because I have not chosen to become active in religious organizations it hasn't worked for me.

Another option... become more active in your hobby, or find one. Whether it be Martial Arts, Museums, Art Galleries, book stores, etc... all good opportunities to meet people :)

NOW.. keep in mind.. I have been alone a long time... LOL.. so my advice might be worth SHIT. LOL (sorry.. had to add that)

[naughtyeddie]

thanks jenna

are there any free personal sites left

the ones i have tried dont have people near me, the caribbean.

[Vintage Vixen]

BTW...I'M 42 HE'S 36 WORKS FOR US

[BlueSwede]

I don't know if the information at this site is up to date or not; it's been a while since I "saved" the address in my Favorite Places on AOL. It's regarding places to place free personals ads.

http://www.free-personals-ads.com/free_personals/


I met my fiance through an ad I placed on AOL almost 3 years ago. Ours has been and still is a long-distance relationship, but hopefully he'll finally be moving here this summer (June?). I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I still am friends with a couple of other men (now just platonic friends) who also answered that ad. As a nurse who works at night with 98% females, who doesn't smoke or drink (so I hate bars), who is an inactive member of my religion, who is introverted, and who is "older," I found that placing a Personals ad worked best for me.

[Missy1965]

Hi everyone, Thanks for all the great responses. Jenna hearing you describe yourself was like me writing it myself...lol I tried the aol personals a few years ago and I also had a ton of responses and after narrowing it down to a couple of guys I decided to go on a date or two but nothing really came of it except a couple nice friendships which is ok too I wasn't really into it. The funny thing that happened to me with aol personnals was that I was cruising through them and I came across one that changed my life forever. I saw a personal that was someone I used to be with years ago and I wrote him and we ended up catching up and having a relationship that lasted almost three years up until recently. This is why I need to start dating again because I was so hurt over our break up, I think the only way to get over it and move on is to put myself out there again and try. I am involved in my church, I have been doing a lot of volunteer work for the needy etc. but I guess it doesn't matter how hard you try ( and I haven't wanted to try yet) if love is going to hapen for me it will be something that just happens, because it isn't something a person can plan. I will never settle and be with somone I do not love just to have someone there, I just could never ever do that. Most of my friends are married for years so that leaves out having a single friend to pal around with and go places. I think maybe the best thing for me is to just take some time to myself and when I am ready to love again I will put myself out there and test the waters. I was glad to see all of your responses and any time any of you need to talk or need advice I will be here :)

[Missy1965]

Got a tenative dinner date set for this weekend just not sure if I am going to go. I don't really know if I want to go I think I am going to feel really uncomfortable. Any advice??????

[dadaist]

Sure, just go and get him to pay for it. ;)

[Missy1965]

I'm really not sure if I am ready ( too soon after a break up) or even interested. Here's my story if anyone is interested...lol
A few weeks ago, I was having an unusally bad day. I was coming back from a Dr. appt in a place pretty far from my house and I was not really familiar with the town I was in either. I was driving home and I had a lot on my mind that day so I guess I wasn't really paying attention and I went over a huge pot hole and got a flat tire in the pouring rain too. I pulled over into a little deli type place and I got out ( with no umbrella...lol) This man coming from the deli walked over to see if he could help and he let me use his cell phone, he told me there was agas station a few blocks away and he asked me if I wanted him to go there and have them send someone to help me. No way could I change a flat tire especially since I have designer rims with a special key etc. I would never have figured it out. So I said yes and he went to the gas station he came back and told me someone was coming to help me. I thanked him and he left. After the tire was changed I drove back to the gas station so I could write them a check. I did then went home a week later I got a phone call from the guy who stopped to help me it turns out he went back to the gas station after work to see how I made out. Which was nice I guess, then he asked them if they had my phone number and they gave it to him off my check that I was annoyed at but after I called the gas station to ask them about it they didn't know we were strangers. Anyway, when he called me and told me who he was he said he asked the gas station for my number and they gave it to him, he told me he was a Dr. a heart surgeon at the hospital nearby and I had just came from there too. He said he wanted to make sure I was ok, so I thanked him again and hung up. Two days later he sent me flowers asking me to dinner. Why he did that I still can't figure out I was soaking wet the day I met him from the rain and not having a great day and it showed. So after I told a few friends about him doing that they all told me I would be crazy not to go out with him at least to see if I liked him or maybe would be interested. Where a lot of women I know would jump at the chance to date a nice looking, kind, successful Doctor or at least be intrigued enough to go out on a date. I know by me turning him down I could be turning down a really nice possibility of maybe eventually having a really nice relationship and who knows what could have happened. All I can say is if this man went to the trouble of going back to the gas station to get my number, call em to see if I was ok, send me flowers and found me attractive and obviously interested in me enough even when I was soaking wet from head to toe and not exactly looking my very best then I would be nuts to turn him down. However, my heart feels like it is still not free and I don't know if it will ever be. I know I'm crazy and nuts huh?...lol trust me I really wish I wasn't but if you knew me you would know I am...:)

[Steph]

OMG, I would definitely go out with him! Think of the wonderful stories for the grandkids!!!

[Cheyanne]

Go.......................

Drive yourself, meet him there, and talk, talk, talk............ get to know the man and then go from there. Things happen for a reason.... don't let serindipity (sp) slip away......

Missy - don't allow the fool who broke up with you to direct your life...... this is a chance for you to explore... take the chance. What do you have to loose?

Keep us posted....................

[Loulabelle]

Try taking up some new activities which are not overtly related to dating. If you widen your circle of friends, you'll then have more chances of meeting someone or being introduced to someone you might like.

Things like amateur drama, ballroom dancing, evening classes, model aeroplanes whatever floats your boat.

You'll be meeting new people without the pressure of each of you thinking 'Hm....do I want to date this person' in a safe environment. If nothing else you'll make good friends and if you do meet someone you like, you'll both have at least one common interest.

Just a thought.

[Oldfart]

Loulabelle, expanding your circle is a big ask for an introvert.

See your doctor, let him know that it's a bit soon, but that you're

interested and see how it goes.

[seriousfun]

Sometimes, nothing turns the switch off in a woman, about a man, than when he acts the part of the nice guy. This guy played that part, and you lost interest in him.

What have you got to lose? Go out with him, and give him a chance to be the guy that you want, with no preconcieved notions on your part; just don't give him too many chances to step up to the plate.

I have had huge luck on sites like match.com, because it is a numbers game. I get to eliminate women who just wouldn't fit, and contact a wide variety of women. The trouble with bars is that I met my ex-wife at one! The trouble with friends is that they all have zero common sense when it comes to my needs - trust your own instincts.

Let's goose up the personals section here! We all share some common (or uncommon) interests ;)

[Stillwater]

WOW! I know dinner can be an intimidating prospect. It has been for me as I haven't had the chance to "date" much... usually internet relationships, I live in a small town, everyone seems to be seeing someone, etc. Not that that stops everyone from still dating but I digress... It can be fearful to sit down and give someone the chance to get to know you, what will they think, what if .. how about that... what should I... other little questions like that might come to mind.

BUT, having said that. Why not? You do only live once and it's better to live without regrets. You wouldn't be "leading him on." If you feel the need to and you have an empty space in the conversation, tell him you're just off this relationship and how you feel.

That being said you've either said yes and gone or turned him down.. Which is it? How did it go?! *chews his fingernails in rapt curiousity.*

[Missy1965]

Hi Stillwater, Well, it's Sunday afternoon and Dinner was supposed to be last night and guess what? I turned him down and instead ended up spending the day with my son and the person I just got out of a relationship with called (yes we are still friends, but only friends) and we took our dogs to the park. No big deal, but I just don't think I was ready for the whole "getting to know each other thing" Who knows maybe I am crazy and I might even be turning down a chance of a lifetime but if it doesn't feel right to me then it isn't meant to be as of yet. I don't think it would have been fair for me to go have dinenr with a new person and lead him on with him thinking I am interested because I'm not. Maybe in a few weeks or months I might feel ready but not now and the last thing I want to do is make anyone feel bad by leading them on.

[Incubus255]

lol I've never been a fan of putting out ads, sure I'm sure it is a good idea to get your name out and about and let people know your tastes but it seems like such a hassle lmao, of coures who am I to speak, I have such bizzare tastes that finding a lady with matching interests might as well be next to impossible but oh well, ^__^

for anyone besides me I would suggest it lol naturally in my oh so illogical way I will just completely ignore my own advice, ya never know when you'll run into mr right so just keep on truckin and find yourself the perfect guy and don't stop till you do, and if someone trys to stop you beat them with a wiffle bat! lmao it's ok ,you have my permission to beat them, if anyone tries to question you just drop my name and they better run lol

ok that was my strange little arrogant post of the night, enjoy!

[Missy1965]

Incubus255...That was very uplifting and it made me giggle. Thanks for the advice. Actually, i am no longer in need of it me and my guy of three years have worked things out. Best of luck to you though and thanks for watching my back, I will toss your name around in the future if I am being messed with....lol

[Incubus255]

lol Why thank you missy ^__^ I"m glad I could be of help, now I feel all warm and fuzzy inside hehe it's so good to be appreciated , I hope everything works out great for your and your guy!