Creepy...or a turn on?

[BlondeCurlGirl]

This afternoon I received an e-mail from a guy I "knew" at the university where I used to go before I transferred to the one I am at now. Normally this would not be a big deal, but this guy was a borderline stalker, and since I have changed my e-mail address from my previous one and left no info on where I was transferring to, I am a little bit concerned and quite curious as to how this guy found my address to write to me, seeing as it's been about 4 years since I saw him last.

Back at the other school, he learned my name from swiping my ID card through the cafeteria cash register, and started calling me and showing up at my dorm room with flowers, candy, and little gifts. He even made the point of dropping to his knees and taking my hand and kissing it! About a month later, I withdrew from that school for various reasons, and never told him I was leaving, and hadn't heard from him since until now.

But on to my question...while I'm generally bothered by this renewed situation, I can't help feeling a little bit turned on by his persistant attraction to me. I don't feel threatened really, but just very curious as to why he keeps pursuing me. Has anyone been in this situation before, and am I totally strange for liking this attention? :confused:

[dadaist]

No - but I think if you keep a distance and see how it goes on YOUR terms it may not be too dangerous. Just about every woman I've ever emailed or anything quickly loses interest in me, so I wouldn't know :P
If he starts making appearances again in person, without asking first, you may want to make friends with a cop and/or attorney.

[PantyFanatic]

You may want to remember BCG, “Nobody ever raped a .38!”;)


If it’s been four years between interest inspirations, I wouldn’t be too concerned. There’s a good chance that in the collage setting, your address was passed in quite innocently. Four years is the right incurrent for reminiscing and sharing of contacts. It’s also a time of accelerated change in people. You may find a completely different person.

Maybe we should talk about this some more. Just lie back and I’ll drop to MY knees and listen. :p:p

[IAKaraokeGirl]

BCG, that is *definitely* along the creepy lines--and I'm not sure about the "borderline" part of "borderline stalker." Dadaist is right. You can easily talk to your local county or circuit clerk's office or local police force about how to file a complaint and/or restraining order against this psycho. It may be that he *is* simply trying to renew ties, or it may be a reoccurence of his previous behavior. What you do, though, is directly related to your comfort level. When you start to squirm, you will know that things have gone too far.

[Bogart]

Sounds a bit creepy to me. Proceed very, very carefully.

[dadaist]

You know, after thinking about this for a while, with a bit better frame of mind, something else did occur to me, and don't take this as an insult. I don't know about WI, but I DO KNOW, that in IN, if a woman feels she needs to file an 'order of protection' against a guy (and she CAN use e-mail as proof of being harassed, so be sure to save any and all of yours, including and especially the headers, just in case) AND she can also prove ...'low income' (I forget the legal term - and here's where I don't mean to insult you, but I figured it was a fair statement to think that JUST graduating college, you're not going to have much cash flow). Anyway she can get the court to force HIM to pay all her legal expenses for the filing and granting of the order. Just something else to keep in mind.
Above all BE SAFE!
I don't think anyone here wants to read a thread entitled "Death of a Pixie"...unless it's fiction...which, oddly enough gives me a great story idea based on "journal entries" - but if any of the rest of you use it I'll smack ya with a ruler.

[IAKaraokeGirl]

It's "indigent," Dadaist. But I think she knew what you were talking about. :)

[dadaist]

Yes, thanks. It's not meant as an insult, but believe me I really know RIGHT NOW what it's like when money's VERY TIGHT.

[LixyChick]

For what it's worth BCG...........if it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck......it just might be a duck........(in sheeps clothing?).

I've learned a long time ago to listen to the bells and whistles that go off in my head about something strange in someone. You can call it "woman's intuition" if you want, but if it seems strange......in the end, it usually is!

I can TOTALLY understand the "turn on" this might bring to you.......but it would be rather sweet if he just came right out and told you how he tracked you down!

If you do respond.....he'll know for sure it is you he is seeking.......and "if" you do respond, make sure the very first thing you say is...."HOW DID YOU FIND ME AND DON'T GLOSS OVER THIS......I WANT TO KNOW!

As I said hun......for what it's worth.......

Hope this gives you food for thought!

*hugs*

[fzzy]

someone with the confidence to pursue is a turn on .... but someone who pursues through means like stealing your identification, showing up at unwanted times, etc. that's not confidence, that's control issues slamming into place .... just because he was nice enough in the past about it, doesn't mean he'd continue that way ..... things like this tend to escalate .. not diminish .... better to take the safe road on this one I'd think! and just because it took him 4 years to contact you doesn't mean he hasn't been in the background monitoring or gathering info. Not trying to be an alarmist, but stalking has too often been a LONG-TERM thing, if it went for several months, it could easily go to several years. Above all .... don't let him push you from a place where you have established friendships, etc. or isolate you from others!

[ericthered]

CREEPY - no question

[denny]

Beyond creepy, take the advice and take the initiative to keep him away from you. I have had one woman do a similar thing and it is not pleasant. Guys might think that is one of their fantasies come true but the reality is extremely intrusive and unwelcome. I can't imagine being female and coming face to face with that kind of persistence. Please do something!

[PantyFanatic]

I’m not part of this mob. I WILL be paying close attention!:mad: And I would like to know a lot more DETAILS than I have now. (like:confused: the gist or feel of the message? has there been more than one? was there anything suggestive of it being the continuation of a rebuffed suitor? ………..)

It seems that “contingency options” are READILY available in all directions. It is good to keep your head out of your butt, pay VERY close attention if anything doesn’t “feel” right in any way. But as the saying goes, “Leave the drama for your moma.” and get on with what I know is a busy and exciting time for you BCG.;)

My PERSONAL feelings on this kind of thing is that the handful of headache characters that ARE out there get far too much attention and consideration than they deserve. When somebody fucks with somebody else, they should be dealt with FIRMLY:mad: and NOW:mad:! But they sure haven’t earned the right to make me change MY life or divert any of my attention to their sorry ass.:mad:

Perhaps the message on my answering machine will explain my feelings. “Hi! I’m unable to take your call because I’m either a):) out of the house, which I do 3 nights a week, or b):) sitting in a dark corner with a 12 Ga., which I do 4 nights each week. You may guess which night this is or leave a message.:D”

I recognize bad elements in life. I just try not to let them rule me.:rolleyes:

[denny]

I love the phone message pf! She just needs to take control!

[PantyFanatic]

Yep!











(and not IT take control);)

[BIBI]

Block him.......doesnt sound good to me!

[BlueSwede]

I certainly can understand you feeling somewhat flattered by someone that enamored with you. However, it sounds dangerous to me. I would think a "sane" or rational person would have taken the hint 4 years ago that you were not interested in him. I'd be extremely cautious to say the least. :eek:

[Steph]

I, too, am concerned. How did he get your e-mail address? If it was from a mutual friend, cool. If he tracked you down, I'd be creeped out.

[Hurricane330]

Be careful with this one- I can see how it is flattering to know that someone kept you in the back of his mind for so long in the same way as it's flattering to be wolf-whistled walking down the street. It may be just as benign-- or it may be the start of another onslaught of stalking. I have to say, when someone swipes your ID to get your address and then starts showing up all the time it definitely sets of warning bells. Chances are if you thought it creepy enough to have to ask, then it is in your best interests to stay away from this guy.

[babybunny]

BCG~
If you have the right information about someone you can track them down very easily, even right to their phone number and home address. ( I know I recently dug up info on a guy who was contacting me via IM and wanted to know about him)

Just becareful and mainly the thing that really hurts in the end (assuming nothing in Real life gets out of hand) is becoming emotionally attached to their flattery, persistence, etc. When it ends (usually by somehting they do, like lying or whatever) the down feeling is a rough thing to deal with. So just be on your guard but dont rule out that 4 yrs *can* change a person. :)

Then again I am a softie and think the best of people and sometimes naive.

~babybunny~

[Deno]

Have you ever told him to stop contacting you? I know it is hard to do sometimes because you don't want to hurt people's feelings, but some people don't get it unless you do that. Yes, he may be a perfectly well adjusted person after 4 years, but is it worth the risk given the history?

[BlondeCurlGirl]

Ok, first off, you guys are all so awesome and have given some great advice! You are all so very sweet to be so concerned for me as well. (((Hugs to you all!)))

As to the content of that e-mail, he basically just said "Hi beautiful!" and was wondering if I was about done with school yet. He then said he hoped to hear back from me soon and signed it with just his name...that's why I wasn't TOO concerned, no threats or anything...but I will definitely keep a lot of your suggestions in mind and will be ever so careful and mindful of the situation. I have yet to reply back to him and don't know if I will.

BCG

[dadaist]

Well, with that in mind it may just be someone trying to just get a reply from out of the blue, the way I've attempted at times to e-mail high school classmates from out of the blue, or a couple acquaintences in Germany (or how I've been thinking about contacting the girls who were stuck with me in eastern Germany for a month in July/August 1992 for a language course). I think it's just the known events of the pass that made YOU nervous, and set off all of our "spidy senses" as well.

[Hollywood]

Hey BCG,

All I can say is just be very carefull. You'll do what you think is right no matter what anyone says but listen to what these good folks are telling you. I see this in my profession quite abit and though some are harmless most are predators and stalkers and will hurt you if they do not get what they want. It might sound scary but thats reality.

Just be carefull

[69SuperSport]

Ya know, personally i think it's a crying shame to take a simple IM such as "Hey Beautiful, was wondering if ya was done with school yet, hope to hear back from ya soon".. and run with it so far as to make him a "physco,Stalker".. After all, it REALLY is hard to read a persons true feelings, without being able to read the body language their using also. Don't get me Wrong ~BCG~, if ya feel the least bit alarmed about the situation, by all means , please take some sort of action in the matter. Guess i'm just saying , until he crosses that fine line, that only YOU know he shouldn't cross, he deserves the same as the rest of us, which is the benefit of the doubt. Hell, i'm sure he'd prolly wonder about some of "US" if he perved Pixies..hehe

[White Noise]

Sounds like a movie...a creepy movie!!

[White Noise]

I disagree with 69SS, only because I lived through a similar situation. A girl I went out with was 'tracked' down by an ex (this girl had even moved states - which is a lot of kms in Australia - yet this dude found her, got in contact and asked her to go out (while I was interstate). She hadn't seen or heard from this guy in years yet thought nothing of going out with him after all that time. I'm not the jealous type but something didn't sit too well about the situation and when she told me she planned on going out with him again I had to put my foot down. It was just too strange for my liking. I mean, the past is the past and this guy put way too much thought and energy into tracking his ex down.

I'll stick with creepy!!

[69SuperSport]

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, Noise. But before quickly judging a situation, put yourself in the other sides shoes for a min, as if they were the shoes of someone wrongfully accused. Been there, done that, or should i say had it done to me.. lol

[south]

You know BCG I am so suspicious in general and am the last person to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. However that said, I think that some really super sweet guys are totally not use to meeting women the conventional ways. Direct face-to-face meetings and the overriding fears of rejection can sometimes cause normally rational minds to act irrationally causing him to view his own actions as flattery instead of intimidating and scary. Why don't you tell him that you how you feel? Tell him that the things he did to meet you, while taking a certain amount of creative thinking and effort on his behalf, make you feel uneasy. And that you were wondering why he didn't simply introduce himself face to face when he had the chance?
Of course if you know the guy better and you get a bad feeling from being around tell him that you have zero interest in him as politely as you can and that you don’t want him to continue to make unwelcome advances.

[Steph]

Any updates? Did you write him back?

[GaultierJR]

How did he get your ID card in that previous college of yours? did he steal it or did he jsut pick it up ?

I mean, I can imagine myself coming across a girl's email address, I haven't seen in 4 years and email her if I had any interest in her.

But then here in Europe, stalking is not such a big issue...and I have never heard of a case here...so I might not have the right experience with the topic.

I was just surprised about all the paranoia...but once again, I have only seen it on tv...

[rabbit]

C-R-E-E-P-Y!

Be careful


rabbit

[south]

SO????

[BlondeCurlGirl]

Well, South was looking for an update, so...

I wrote J back with a quick note saying that although it was nice hearing from him, I didn't really feel that I had the time or the interest in future long distance correspondance with him. I tried to be as polite as possible and I hope that did the trick. So far, haven't heard back.

And yes, I will be careful. Thanks again for the concern...I didn't mean to scare some of you!

[darogle]

If you felt like you were being stalked four years ago, then you probably were. I know people can change alot in that amount of time, but what makes people "stalkers" is a psychological element that they don't just grow out of. I have to err on the side of cautiousness and advise you you should be careful of this guy. And I would be very conscerned as to how he was able to find you. Some tips...save all of his emails and letters, keep a log of any phone calls and the subject of each, tell your friends and family about the guy so that they know not to give him your address, ect., and be firm with the guy. Let him know in no uncertain tems that his creeping you out and that you have no feelings for him. Tell him that you want to know how he found you and that you want no further contact. If he doesn't take the hint...call the police.

So sayeth a jaded ex-cop...

[Superfreak]

DUDE! Read the writing on the wall: This guy is a fucking stalker. Stay the hell away from him - and start packing some mace while you're at it.

[cowgirltease]

BCG,
Watch over you shoulder! This guy has never told you HIS INTENTIONS. He's been the one asking the questions. 4 years and he's never said? come on! damn sure ain't a man if he can't come out and tell you what's on his mind. It's Probably too evil to talk about. Sounds like Fatal Attraction to me.

[lakritze]

You must realize what lengths he went to to obtain your recent e=mail address and other info.Defenatly sounds creepy to me.Be careful.