He ain't heavy.....He's my brother!

[LixyChick]

I've been really reluctant to share this...but I feel it's time I did, if only to get it off my chest (so to speak).

I last heard from my brother in March of 1996. We had quite an argument and I was never going to talk to him again (for as long as I felt like not talking to him). He was living with my dad and he got a check from a lawsuit he had settled and he took off to who knows where. It was a lot of money but it wasn't rightfully his. He owed back child support and it was to go to that. It never did. Dad recieved some bank statements and cancelled checks. Brother bought a truck and was on the move to who knows where. The statements stopped and brother never called or came home. The family assumed he went to Colorado, as he had gone there before. This wasn't the first time he just took off to places unknown. But he always came "home" in time. Dad died in 1997 and we were livid that brother didn't show up for the funeral. Years passed and still no word.

Two years ago, my older sister and I filed a nation-wide missing persons report. There were some hits at first....of John Doe's....but it never turned out to be brother. After a while it went dormant.

Now before you start thinking, Geezzzzzzz...why'd they wait so long to file?........I have to tell you, he was married but seperated at the time and had "his own life" to live. As I said before, he had done this MIA stuff many times, just never this long. We were reluctant to believe that something had happened to him. Brother is 4 years older than me and very stubborn and egotistical (self centered). I say that because I know him best and I can say that without talking behind his back. That's what the argument we had was about.

Now we know why he didn't come to say goodbye to dad. A few weeks ago we got word that he had been identified. A body was found in a schoolyard in May of 1996. No identification was found on the body and only a lighter (from a store exclusive to a town he had lived in prior to moving to dad's) was found in a back pocket. In 96, the authorities in San Mateo, Ca. (where the body was found) placed a notice in a paper in the county which that store was located. It was a small article and very vague. No one we know ever saw it or (if they did) thought to think it was my brother. Recently, the administration changed in San Mateo, and they were trying to clear up unidentified cases. The new administration placed the article in the same paper again. The authorities where we placed the report caught the article and my brother was identified though the missing person's report filed two years ago.

It's a much, much longer story than this.....but this is the basic gist.

Saturday....April 26, 2003......we will hold a memorial for my brother. He was 42 at the time of his death. His children and grandchildren will be attending the service. He never knew he was a grandfather. I've been agonizing over his eulogy....which I insisted that I deliver.

I think, what I'm asking here......is not pity for me or my family.......but strength from my "surrogate" family! Please keep Saturday.....April 26th in your thoughts and send me some strength to be able to deliver the best eulogy I can muster! I just need strength to get through this!

TY for listening.........*hugs you all*

[Lilith]

((((Lixy))))
I am so sad for you. It is horrible to have to morn for what will never be. Please know that I'm sending you thoughts of peace, healing, and strength. You will do a great eulogy because you are an honest, forthright, loving, person. If ya need to talk at all pm.~ Lil

[Sugarsprinkles]

Lixxy Dear...........Lilith said it better than I can. Just know that my thoughts and prayers are and will be with you. I can't possibly know what you're going through since I never had any siblings, but I'm sure you'll get through everything with the support of both your 'real' and your Pixie's families. Love and many, many hugs to you, hun. :heart:

[horseman12]

Lixy, My thoughts and prayers are with you! and i whole heartedly agree with Lilith, you are a very caring honest person, and i know you will put your all into your words, and that they will be from your heart. Peace and Love be with you!

[LixyChick]

TY Lil, SS, and horseman! I knew I could count on you. This is exactly what I needed. I'm just so sorry to hit you with it first thing this morning but...I had to share!

[BlondeCurlGirl]

(((Lixy))) Sending you hugs and my best wishes for the strength that you need to get through this, and I am sure you will give your brother the eulogy that he deserves.

[skipthisone]

(((lix))))

[PantyFanatic]

.....I'm just so sorry to hit you with it first thing this morning.....
The only way we could feel worse for you is to find you hadn’t disclosed that weight with people who care about you. We may only be cyber friends, but if we can’t lift the burden, we can serve to hold you up... if you let us. :)

[Teddy Bear]

Oh Lixy I can think of no words to express how I feel......

I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers now and on the 26th. Take the strength and loving concern of all your Pixie friends with you and you will get through it.

*hugs* Teddy

[BlueSwede]

My heart goes out to you, Lixy, and to your family. Please know that many thoughts and prayers of members here are and will continue to be sent your way in hopes of helping you get through this as best you can.

[T-S]

(((Lixy))) Thoughts are with you

[Steph]

(((Lixy))) - I had to deliver my cousin's eulogy even though I was still "angry" that he had committed suicide. I went back to the times we were close, the times he wasn't drug addicted and selfish . . . think of the good times you shared. You're going to do an awesome job!

[buzby]

(((Lixy))) My Thoughts are with you. I dont post much but know that we will all be thinking of you and yours. And know that the right twords will come to you.

[babybunny]

:( *bunnys hugs* That is very sad. Strength for your mind and peace for your heart.

~babybunny~

[Aqua]

(((Lixy))) Our hearts, prayers, and thoughts are with you. Lilith said it spot on, you will do great because you have a great heart. I can only imagine what you and your family must be going through right now. Let the strength of your family here give you solid support for what you are to do the 26th.

[Staar]

Sending positive thoughts to you Lixy!!!! --- there's a quote by John Greenleaf Whittier ... goes something like this ... "of all the words of tongue or pen, the saddest these - it might have been." It's hard to have to say goodbye in any circumstances, but in something like this .... well know that that are many who care about you very much and are here for you when (or if) you need us!!

[Kimberly73]

I am so sorry about your loss and my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. I know this can be a difficult time for you all but I'm sure you can make it and best of luck with your eulogy. I know you haven't been too close in recent years but like Steph said.....think back to when you were younger and remember the good times. I'll be thinking of you and I know you can do it. Heres another HUG for you....I'm sure you need all you can get right now.

[dicksbro]

Lixy, you have our thoughts and prayers. May God bless and strengthen you and your family. You have the love and caring of all of us here at Pixies. Anything we can do, just let us know.

[dm383]

<<<<LIXY>>>>


Please accept a HUGE hug from me and Celticangel... she keeps telling me even cyber-hugs make her feel better, so I hope it works with you, too!

We will keep you in our thoughts on April 26..... and I know, from your thread about your grampa, that the words will come out right!!

{P-O-W-E-R} >>>>>>>>> to Lixy.

Hope this transfusion of "Superhero" power helps you out!

DM

[BigBear57]

Lix Hon, I'll add my heartfelt support, prayers and condolences here as well. I have no doubt you will do a wonderful job with the eulogy. Your eloquence, grace, charm and heart shine through the words I've seen from you here. May strength and serenity find your heart and carry you through. We'll all be here with you in spirit. Many HUGGGGGS

[Scarecrow]

(((Lixy))) Sending you strength and our prayers. Steph had the best advice, remember the good times, it helps in the rough moments

[Boru]

Good luck m'lady, you have my thoughts and wishes....

methinks Steph said it best, find some memory of him that makes you smile, or captures the best of his essence. There is something good in everyone, just express his. Do it for you, and for his survivors left behind.


BORU

[LixyChick]

You guys are just so fantastic! Thank you so much for all the advice, well wishes, and prayers. I am overwhelmed! This is precisely why I finally opened up. I knew I could count on you, one and all!

Typically when a eulogy is read, one speaks of all the achievements and selfless acts of random kindness a lost loved one had performed during his/her lifetime. My brother had very few redeeming qualities. I'm not dissing my own brother, but speaking the truth. And I understand when you say to remember the good times.......as I am clinging to those with everything in me.

Yes, there were wonderful times. My brother could play a mean guitar. He taught me everything I know ( I should have practiced more) and he was the one who told me I had a serious singing voice. He loved my range and versatility and asked me to sing while he played nearly everytime we would hang out together. He had a wonderful sense of humor (when not clouded by drugs and alcohol) and we'd banter and laugh till I nearly pee'd my pants. And without ever having a fomal lesson, he could draw the most beautiful pictures of places he's seen, from memory, and when you looked at these scenes you'd think you were there at sometime in your life.

His very troubled adulthood was the hardest part to bypass or gloss over when writing about him. But I managed to take all the good and bad and (without lying or omission) pen a eulogy that I think is presentable. I'm going to sing Greenday's "Time of Your Life...Good Riddance" at the end of the eulogy. A friend of my brother's will play guitar just as I finish the reading and I hope I am not crying as I break into song. Just after the song, my nephew will stand, and in full Native American dress, perform a dance for the passing spirit.

When we finally get his ashes from San Mateo, we will take a trip to Ohio to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. All his life, Tommy had aspirations of "making it big". My brother would have never wanted to be buried, so I had an idea that I think the family likes. Without permission......as I figure I would meet with tons of resistance......I am going to sprinkle the ashes into potted plants in the museum. Now, the plants will either wither and die for some "unknown" reason or they will grow and exeed all expectation for some "unknown" reason....but I figure, either way it will be the plant caretaker who will be blamed or congratulated. I am hoping it's the latter. Whenever we speak of brother in the future, we can honestly say........"Oh yes! Tommy is in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame"! I just know he is smiling at the notion!

*hugs to all*

[SilverFianna]

Breaking out of my lurking status to say Good luck Lixy. Hope it goes well, and you have my suuport and well wishes as well as those of everyone else on this site...

[Lilith]

Excellent tribute Lixy! It just shows to go that even though we don't always like how some one behaves we can still cherish their spirit and love them for what they are not what we wished they would have been. Acceptance.

If ya start to feel weakened after the eulogy, right before you begin singing swallow hard, and imagine all our member's hands holding you, keeping you steady, and make a list of the ones who pinch your ass and I'll deal with them accordingly;)

[PantyFanatic]

OK Lil. You might as well go ahead and do it now. :(

[Aqua]

Ditto what PF said. ;)

[Scarecrow]

Thats going to be a long list:)

[denny]

Lixy, you have my heart. I was once estranged from my family due to squabbling between my Mom and my Ex. 13 long years! I finally came to my senses and reconnected but it ultimately led to the separation from my Ex. I am fortunate I have had time to share with them and have come to terms with the importance. Bless you.

[LixyChick]

I promise....I'll do just that, Lilith! I know I'll need to .....and then, I now know, an unexplained smile will come across my face. Only myself, you guys here, and my brother will know why. *giggling at the pinches!*

TY so much everyone............I have more confidence everytime I read all the well wishes!

*Special note to Denny........*hugs* Hubby was estranged from his dad for eight (grueling) years and he finally tired of hearing me say...."Swallow your fuckin pride and just go to him and say, hey dad....where ya been"! Things have never been better for them! So sorry you had a loss......but just think of what you gained!


*still smiling, thinking of those pinches* Oh geezzzz. Now I won't be able to sing cause I'll be laughing! I am such an extremist! LOL!

*GROUP HUG*

[huntersgirl]

After being gone almost a week from this place myself, due to a death in the family. I wanted to let you know that even though I don't know you well yet, my thoughts and prayers will be with you as well. I love your idea about the rock and roll hall of fame. It is a tribute to what you loved best about your brother and it will be a fine memory to hold throughout the rest of your life. Again I am so sorry for your loss and I send you thoughts of peace and strength. ((((hugs))))

[scotzoidman]

Lixy - I've been under the weather here of late, & not able to check in for a while...so sorry to hear about your bro, but it sounds like you have sorted out all your feelings well, & you are well on your way to achieving some closure...I lost my own bro some years ago, at least he & I were finally becoming friends after years of sibling rivalry...and I have also experienced my wife's difficulties with her own "black sheep" brother...so here's a hug for strength & support...Green Day is a great choice for the situation...& I promise I won't pinch your ass while you're trying to sing...well, maybe I'll just cop a feel ;)

[Summer]

((((((((Lixy))))))))))

[Irish]

Lixy---Sorry to get back to you so late.I just saw this thread.Don't
blame yourself for not knowing.My wife & I,found,last year,that a friend had been dead for 2/3yrs.I knew him from a motorcycle bar,
and a job,but we only knew him by his nickname.One day in the
newspaper,we saw an article,that a local motorcycle club,was
having a "Poker"run,with the proceeds being donated to Thomas
Manettes son,for his college fund.It then went on to say that
Thomas Manette(who was known as Boomer)was a long time member of the motorcycling community.My wife&I,had only known him as Boomer,and didn't know that he had died.I had stopped drinking and didn't go in the motorcycle barThere is a cross,on the
esplanade,of the road where he died! Irish

[Slow Ride]

Hi Babydoll *kiss* I 'm very sorry to hear about your Brother,I know your going through a hard time, and I just want you to know that my thoughts and Prayers are with you.

[hellsbells]

Hey Lixy, please accept my heartfelt condolences, it must have been extremely hard for you to decide how to cope with the loss and the bad memories.
I have no siblings, but I feel sure that if I had, no matter the rift, the love would still be there. Just like yours.
I think if you had decided not to do the eulogy, you would regret it years later, and I think the idea of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is a wonderful idea.
And before you sing, like Lilith said, take a deep breath and think of the love and support of all your Pixie friends.
I will be thinking of you, I know you will do your brother proud, sending you big big hugs Lixy, and I will be sending them in my thoughts on April 26th.

((((((((((((Lixy)))))))))))

[lorri]

Hi Lixy, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother - I can't imagine how it must be to lose a sibling, especially in the circumstances you have described.
I know that on the 26th, all the right words will come to you, and just remember, at that very special time, there is so much love showering down on you from your pixie family all around the globe, you will find the strength and support to get you through this.
I think your tribute to your brother is a wonderful idea - and be sure to know, he will be smiling down thinking exactly the same thing. My thoughts and prayers will be with you Lixy, and big hugs hun.

[LixyChick]

For being the bestest family aside from my immediate one......to touch my heart and show that you care!



Just felt like adding a pic of my big brother (he was the oldest) to let everyone know just who it is that I struggle and fret over. This is one of my fave pics of him. He was 28 y/o when it was taken. He was 42 y/o when he died. I think he was kind of a cutie, even if he was my brother. All my girlfriends wanted me to fix them up with him. I said........ewwwwwww! No way! You want to go out with him, you ask him out. LOL! We were young!

I love you and miss you Tommy......say hi to mom and dad for me!

Thanks for listening and caring and sharing everyone!

*hugs*