The Best Chain Letter Ever:

[Sharni]

Got this in my email this morning LMAO

Hello, my name is Carol and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and
everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000? How stupid are we?

"Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every good looking model in the magazine!" What a bunch of bullshit.

Basically, this message is a big KISS MY ROSEY RED ASS to all the
people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain that was started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower. Fuck them.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something
mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 900 times!!

I don't fucking care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually
contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's your own unpopularity.

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.

If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel
guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years a and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know.

Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals .

[Steph]

LOL Love that last line!

[Lilith]

LMAO excellent Sharni!!!!

[Flynn]

[From a humor forward sent to me years ago:]

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)
Make a wish!!!
Really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
STOP!!!
Wasn't that fun?
Hope you made a great wish.
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do.
First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.
It's true!
Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!
Really!!!

Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Chain Letter Type 2:
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all bull. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder--if
you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.
Thanks again!!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Chain Letter Type 3:
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters.
So this is how it works.
Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
----------------------------------------
Queer Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped on a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
----------------------------------------
Queer Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey,some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable kittens everyday for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!!
----------------------------------------
Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be OK.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.

Friends
-A friend is someone who is always at your side,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like poop,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
-A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
-A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,
-A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,
-A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, no sorry that's the cleaning lady,
-A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.

[Flynn]

[And another:]

Dear Kind Stranger,
I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. Don't cry, Mommy!
Mommy is always sad, but she says it's not my fault. I asked her if it was God's fault, but she didn't answer, and only started crying harder, so I don't ask her that anymore.
The reason she is so sad is that I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I go to sleep. The doctors gave me an artificial body. My body is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance.
I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said employers don't hire crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap body. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap, and it chafes her real bad. I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this e-mail.
Dr. Johansen said if you forward this e-mail then Bill Gates will team up with AOL and do a survey with NASA. Then the astronauts will collect prayers from school children all over America and take them up to space so that the angels can hear them better.
Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Or maybe just use my lungs and heart, when the doctors make them. The doctors said that every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to the angels.
Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10. If you don't forward this e-mail, that's OK. Mommy says you're a mean heartless shithead who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow horrible death so you can burn forever in hell. What kind of goddamned person are you that you can't take five fucking minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame for the rest of their day, and then maybe help a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?
Please help me. This really sucks. I try to be happy but it's hard. I wish I had a puppy. I wish I could hold a puppy.

Thank You.
Billy 'Smiles' Evans,
The boy with just a head. And a burlap sack for a body.

[Flynn]

Finally, the standardized reply that Scott Adams (creator of "Dilbert") suggests using for anyone who sends you a chain:

I recently received your chain letter. Over 1,000 people have sent me chain letters, and every one of them has died within six months, probably from the "Chain Letter Sender's Curse." You will probably die soon if you experience any of the following symptoms: 1) Tiredness at bedtime, 2) Hunger just before lunch, 3) Inability to remember your license plate number, or 4) Stupidity.

[IAKaraokeGirl]

LMAO, Flynn. :D

[dicksbro]

LMAO ... Sharni. Those letters are worse than a nuisamce.

I got one from a person I didn't know and it said return this to the sender. I sent them 23 copies. Hope they enjoyed. Plus, I did get my wish, they haven't sent me any more.

It's no wonder the web slows down under the weight of all thesse chain letters.

[Grumble]

I hate the fucking things, I delete them immediately

[Aqua]

Oh, don't forget that there is an "Official" in Nigeria just waiting to share 30 billlion dollars with you... Just send him a 'small' transaction fee... that's all. What's a few thousand when you're getting half of 30 billion? :rolleyes: