Online Personals... Do they work?

[jennaflower]

Alright... here goes...

I am considering placing a personal ad online... As most of you are aware.. I have been solo for sometime.. and I am at the point now where I would like that to change. Unfortunately I live in an area (both Murphy and Sugar can attest to this) that does not have alot to offer when it comes to quality SINGLE prospective mates. Altho I am not at all interested in a LONG distance relationship (been there done that, got fried) I would certainly like to meet someone within 75 mile radius...

So my question is (well there are several):

1: Have any of you had any luck with online personals? If you have, what made the difference? Did you meet quickly in person, or did you take time to get to know one another online first? For those of you (like myself) who have had bad results, do you think it was the online factor that played a factor or was it something else?

2: What online sites would you recommend? Okay.. Okay.. I am a weee bit strapped for cash so I am not tooo keen on spending money on those that cost. Altho I am considering it.

3: Anyone care to offer me some advice on the profile portion? What should I include? What should I NOT include? Should I post a pic?

Thanks in advance :)

[Mellisaaa]

I have done th personals thing in both the newspaper and online. Online did seem to return better results than the paper. The one for the paper seemed to have more ummmmmmm, unsavery people.

I'm not sure if I would send along a picture at first or not. Sometimes an attractive woman can intimidate some men from responding at first. I think I'd talk to them a bit and then send it along.

I didn't meet up with anyone right away. Instead we had a few conversations first. I found that the tension was less that way. We knew enough about each other to keep a flow of conversation running.

Maybe you could describe your personality, some things you like to do, some key things you may desire your 'other' to have. I must admit I was a bit flirty in mine, (blush) not too much though.
You could try the Yahoo personals. They are free and seem to be very busy!!!

Good luck with your 'hunt.' You'll have to keep me posted on how it goes!!! This is sooo much soooooo much fun!!! I'm so excited for you ;)

[Vigil]

Nothing ventured - nothing gained.

But I agree with your sense of caution.

I like the sound of those speed dating set ups. Do you have them?

[celticangel]

Try "makefriendsonline.com" its a fun,free site and I have recommended it to my friends-------have "met" several nice folk through it------------------good luck!xx

[dm383]

1: Have any of you had any luck with online personals? If you have, what made the difference? Did you meet quickly in person, or did you take time to get to know one another online first? For those of you (like myself) who have had bad results, do you think it was the online factor that played a factor or was it something else?

The Angel and I met through a dating site; even though we only live half an hour apart, in the "normal" course of events we probably would never have met!!

The site we actually met through was free to women (like most seem to be) but not for me... have to say though, it was the BEST $4.95 I EVER spent!:D

We chatted online every night for over a week, then set up a date... she took some precautions - usual stuff, like meeting n a public place etc., and we just took it from there!!

2: What online sites would you recommend? Okay.. Okay.. I am a weee bit strapped for cash so I am not tooo keen on spending money on those that cost. Altho I am considering it.

There are a LOT of sites out there... one that worked for us was Dreammates, but the one Celticangel said is good, also Cupid Junction, udate, dating.com are some others to try. (My ex has had particularly good results with udate, but I think that's a pay-site)

Nothing really to recommend re profile... Mellisaaa's suggestions seem good though! :)

Good luck Jenna... the guy for you IS out there, somewhere!!

[jennaflower]

Thanks all.. with the snow around today.. I will look more into it :)

[don73153]

Hi Jenna,

Regarding the picture, if you include just a simple good picture, the man you probably would WANT to meet would not be intimidated, in my opinion.

I have been dating from these sites for some time now, I have met some mighty fine women, made friends of them all, and ALWAYS took plenty of time to chat, e-mail, or whatever, to get to know them, and them me. There ARE creeps out there, and we ALL have to be careful.

Cupid.com, Yahoo Personals, and AdultFriendFinder are ones I have had good success with. Good luck to you. Wish I lived closer! ;)

Don

[Vintage Vixen]

Jenna...i think its a good idea and it can be a great way of meeting someone.I had a yahoo personal ad describing what i was looking for,my likes and dislikes and i included a picture with the ad.I got tons of replys ,then one saturday i got a response from someone who was exactly what i was looking for.We went back and forth that day i sent him my number and we ended up going out that same nite .That person is dzbuster and we've been together almost 2yrs now:):)It definately worked for us ,i'm happy,he makes me smile and he's a great guy.So i'd say go for it!!!GOOD LUCK :)

[jennaflower]

Thanks BiSexyBabeDD.... I needed to hear a success story. :) I posted a SMALL profile at BBWdating tho unfortunately you can't send email until you pay a membership fee and I am not sure when I will do that.

I will go to yahoo now and will check out adultfriendfinder too (I had one there sometime ago).

Don... I sure wish you lived a bit closer too. ;)

[Lilith]

check with Steph........I think she beefs up personals for a living!

[fzzy]

Hi Jenna ... I've listed at a couple of sites online and have met a few really nice guys that way .... none that have turned into long term romantic relationships, but certainaly it has given me a chance to meet a lot more guys then I ever would have done in the normal course of events. I am listed with specialty sites and find that best since I know up front that the guys there are looking for a specific thing that I offer (as BBW sites do). I have found that if you don't put a picture up, you get almost no response ... men are very visual beings and don't always want to take the time to read a profile if they don't always know they like the look first ... interestingly, I'm not so different, I like to see if I'd be attracted before I bother to read the profile. :)

Anyway, I know a few people (in my personal life) who have met and married or developed long-term romantic relationships with a person they met online. One thing I really like about the sites is that they give you some basic information about the person up front.... I have some criteria that I follow and no matter how attracted I may feel to the pic, if they do or they don't on these items, then it is a deal breaker. Well anyway, rambled on enough now ... best of luck to you in your search .... I look at on-line personals as just another tool I can use. :)

[jennaflower]

all right.. I have taken celticangels advice and I have posted one (YIKES) at makefriendsonline.com. I did include a picture and filled out the info and posted a bit about myself. Not sure how long it will take before I will appear on the site.

If you are interested in taking a peek and giving me some suggestions as to how to improve my ad... please feel free :) My name there.. is jennaflower.......... of course :)

Thanks again all :)

[jennaflower]

This is what I wrote :) Hope it works.. any recommended revisions would be greatly appreciated...

Personal description:
5'4" long blonde/brown hair, blue eyes. Hi, I am a divorced 33 year old woman who has the desire to find the "right guy". I don't believe that this will be a quick and painless process, instead I anticipate many challenges along the way. I believe that ultimately the "right man" will appear, not suddenly but as the result of a great friendship. I am in no rush to jump into any serious relationship, rather I would like to begin another part of my journey. My journey began 6 years ago, and every time I "think" I know all there is to know about myself I learn something new which causes me to begin again. I believe I have reached a point in this journey that a male perspective would be a wonderful asset. Currently I am only looking for friendship with a man who would be willing to participate in this wonderful journey. Not only does this journey comprise intellectual stimulation and inner reflection but all going well sexual exploration as well. In the last 6 years I have learned alot about myself, things that have amazed me and things that I hope to explore further. I would very much like to share that with a wonderful understanding man. I pride myself in the areas of honesty and understanding and look for those characteristics in the friends I have. I believe strongly that what is within a person matters far more than what is on the outside. I am overwieght.. 5'4" 42C... and am looking for someone who truly believes that it is what lies within that matters most. If interested in helping me along my journey.. please respond. IF however, you are an individual that is unable to look past the shell then please don't.


Description of your ideal partner:
My ideal partner would be a man between the age of 34 and 45 who understands the importance of communication, loyalty and trust. He must be comfortable with himself and willing to share himself completely, not only physically but mentally as well. He must be able to participate in stimulating conversation both inside and outside of the bedroom. I would like him to be emotionally available and willing to be open about his needs. Communication is a must (altho I don't expect that to be something that comes overnight).

[scorpi42]

:cool:
Now why cant you be in england jennaflower i have been trying dating sites for almost a year now and still no luck whatsoever. I am on love at lycos at the moment under Gorman_James if any ladies would like to have a look and tell me what i am doing wrong please help

:confused:

[jennaflower]

Scorpi... it would seem that I would have better luck anywhere other than where I am at (at any given moment it would seem).. still have had no responses... but oh well.. atleast the line is out there...

Didn't realize that lycos had personals, will have to go check it out :)

[dzbuster]

jenna i write these critisisms to hopefully be helpful and hope i express myself clearly and non-offensively. first your ad really doesn't give any idea as to what you enjoy. do you want to take drunken walks along the vegas strip? hoot and holla at wwe? fine dining? opera? would you run if i burp? second you totally call yourself ugly. first you say that you're overweight (hell lady 42c's naturally carry some belly unless they're full of plastic) then to look past your looks. first i might think you're hot (i in this case also refers to someone looking.) what's this tell me about your self-image.

i hope you can understand what i'm clumbsily typing and also that you understand i only wish to be helpful (i think it's called constructive critisism).

[Vigil]

Jen - it may just be a slight cultural difference - but your very open and honest appraisal of yourself would be better in my eyes if you were to say that you are willing to find the right man who would make "my journey our journey".

Bon voyage.

[jennaflower]

dz... I VERY much appreciate your opinion.. and your constructive criticism :) I will continue to re-work it.. and try to give a better understanding of who I am...

Vigil.. Thank you very much... I completely agree and am ashamed that I didn't think of it before now.. :)

[dzbuster]

i wish there was someway to undelete bsbdd's ad (btw it was on yahoo) but she said looking for a longhaired thug for fun times and had a nice pic (made me drool). i was happy she chose to meet me. she showed me some of the responses she got and some seemed more fitting her description than me. also though there were many who fit exactly what she said not to reply.

[bigboy]

There is a special on Online dating tonight on FOX at 9:00 EST. If anyone was interested....

[jennaflower]

darn it.. I missed it :(

[bigboy]

Yea, I missed it too, maybe someone else caught it. good luck with everything, you are wonderfuk.

BigBoy

[BigBear57]

Best of luck Jenna, I know luck won't be necessary though. You're a darlin' and it shines in your words. Be picky...you'll find him....

[skipthisone]

Well Jenna, my hope is that in a few years you will be sitting with some lucky bloke and he will whisper to you how lucky he was to have found you

[horseman12]

Wanted: Gorgeous blond unassuming, openminded, children ok, wity, intelligent, fondness for ridin'............must like horses, rodeos, lookis unimportant, but must also feel the same, and must have a certain degree of fondness for scruffy ole cow hands.

[jennaflower]

Thanks everyone for the kind words... the words of encouragement... and the constructive critisism.. believe me.. when I need the truth.. this is one of the first places I would think of coming. :)

Horseman... You know I have a fondness for riding and have a soft spot for the rugid cow hands :) (Not to mention I have always fantasized about...... oh nevermind *giggle*)

[huntersgirl]

Jenna,

I am new here and it is all thanks to a very successful online dating story:D So I thought I would post and let you know that they can work. Last fall I decided it was time to get my social life going again and being a divorced single mom had no idea how to go about meeting people. Most of the people I know are married and only have married friends, not into the bar scene much myself, was not working outside of the home, and just approaching some random person at the grocery store is not my style;) . So I sat at my puter and put up an ad on Yahoo personals. I didn't even join...hehehe. You just can't respond to ads if you are not a paying member, but you can email back the people that respond to your ad. So anyway second or third response I had sounded very promising indeed. Or at least intrigued me enough to email him back with more than the cursory thanks. A few more emails and boy I was really intrigued. Then came the IM's and about 2 days later phone conversations. I never would have expected to give out my # so readily, but something just felt right. This is where it is okay to follow your intuition. We met in person about 10 days or so into talking everyday. I did take the precautions of meeting in a public place and making sure I let a friend know where I was going and with whom. And 3 months later here I am, so incredibly in love, more than I ever expected. And he found the key that unlocked the door not only to my heart, but to my deepest sexual fantasies. I believe we are just beginning to scratch the surface of what all of that means for me and us, and it is truly the most exciting time of my life. I too like you have been on a personal journey of discovery and am learning new things about myself each and everyday. And having someone open and honest and understanding to share that journey with is wonderful.

btw...he introduced me to pixies and I thank him for it! I think I am going to like it here. I certainly have so far:D

I hope hearing another success story helps. And I wish you luck both on your personal journey and on the potential of having a shared journey of your own.

[Steph]

Shoot! I can't believe I didn't see this thread until now!! I guess it had something to do with my house being without water for five days while this discussion was happening! I'm sure you have your answers already but here goes . . .

Posting pics online is a good idea because most men have been burned on phone systems. As we know from posting here, men are visual creatures :) They want to know what we look like before they e-mail, PM, IM, whatever. You can purchase time through reputable companies like mine for $14.99 and that'll give you loads of credits to use. You won't even need to purchase credits, though. As someone mentioned, the person who initiates the message pays. Women who post are pretty much guaranteed responses.

Honestly, I've had to go on my companies system and post profiles to learn about it and the responses I get are overwhelming! I wish I had enough single friends to hook up with the guys I hear from.

My company deletes negative profiles. Talk about all the positive things you have going for you. Seriously. People call into my system and say, "why'd you delete my profile?"

"Well sir," I'll reply. "You stated you didn't want black women, single mothers, anyone five pounds overweight, etc."

We're doing it for their own good, in a way.

My ex-husband actually uses the system for which I work. He said the worst thing about it was when he met people for coffee, they'd unload EVERY problem onto him. He said he understands that everyone has baggage but shit, he doesn't want to hear it on the first date!

The people who use these systems are usually busy professionals who don't like the bar scene. Feel free to PM me with any questions.

It's my Friday night and I'm talking about work! :) :) :)

[jennaflower]

Hi Steph...

Thanks for your response... I actually posted a pic... and the above bio... and got few or any responses... *sigh*... kinda given up....

[krzykrn]

Sorry you haven't had much luck Jenna, but I think it also depends on the site you use, as a woman you are pretty much in the driver's seat (even if you feel like you are on the passenger's side). E-mail me if you want to hear my long winded reasons lol.

[Missy1965]

I had a personal a couple years ago, why I did it I have no clue. I guess out of boredom. I ended up with hundreds and hundreds of responses to choose from but after two were narrowed down then the talking phase started and I kept that up for a few months for each one was four months, the other almost six months then after a few dates it bored me to tears so I gave up on it. It didn't work for me so I decided to go back to the old fashioned way of meeting people. Maybe you might have better luck I'm just very picky.

[douginfla]

YES...they do work...I know from experience! hehehehe

[jennaflower]

I wish I were so lucky Doug...

good luck to you :)

[Cabrylla]

;) jenna, I have to say I have almost gotten married to someone I met through personals...they can work...and yeah a thousand replies to an ad is a wonderful feeling, but not when out of those thousand there isn't one who truly wants anything that you want....there is one out there...who if he hasn't yet...will soon see you or your ad..and that'll be it...one good reply is worth a million of the nonsense ridden ones that I have received as has any other woman who has placed an ad. just my two cents...with that and a few more dollars I can buy a burger.

[Cabrylla]

and trust me...am starting to understand the lack of "unattatched" men in MO....understanding it too well!

[jennaflower]

Thanks Cabrylla... welcome to my world.. ROFL :)

[Steph]

A lot of guys on the site I work for tend to visit profiles of the women who are online at that moment - they don't want to waste their time/money/energy on someone who hasn't been on the system in a while, you know what I mean?

If I were you jenna, I'd pick a site and visit it at a good time - 8 p.m. - 10 p.m. especially 8 p.m. - 10 p.m.

[seriousfun]

I have also had great luck with the personals. I found one woman with whom I had a 2.5 year relationship on match.com, and my current girlfriend was on both match.com and salon.com (which I accessed through nerve.com).

I recommend a picture - a nice, normal shot of your face, not a glamour shot, and please just you, no dogs kids or exes cut out.

Describe what you do simply, and describe who you want without a list of your ex's bad habits.

Remember - guys lie about their income and height, girls lie about their age and weight, so be honest.

Power-date. Put your ad up on a Friday afternoon and take it off the following Friday morning. Throughout the weekend, answer every response in some fashion, reply to every interesting ad, and change your add in some small way every day.

There's someone out there for you!

[Steph]

I love your advice, seriousfun!

It's soooooooo true! Women lie about their weight but, working in the biz, I have to say men lie about their age an awful lot! And I'm sorry but you're not all eight inches!!! ;)

[dadaist]

They've not really ever worked for me. I met one woman in person after a long time of having such an ad up, but it went no where. I'm NOT pursuing this avenue anymore. Cheers to those of you who've gotten them to work, but my luck has been firmly in the other direction.

[seriousfun]

Originally posted by Steph
I love your advice, seriousfun!

It's soooooooo true! Women lie about their weight but, working in the biz, I have to say men lie about their age an awful lot! And I'm sorry but you're not all eight inches!!! ;)

I've got my girlfriend convinced that all of her rulers are wrong! Using them, I'm 8 feet tall!

[Cabrylla]

LMAO...jenna, get in touch with SS sometime, we can all three get together and the two of us can see what we can find at one of the local waterin holes ;)

[hotrod]

I tried it and had success. I don't get out much to meet people, so I gave it a shot. I figured, what the hell? Starting in December, I started looking at personal ads based on search criteria I had submitted. I did this for about 2 months with no luck. I had contacted a couple women that seemed promising, but nothing ever materialized. I was about to give up, then a new ad popped up that caught my attention. Among other things, she said she was a Mechanical Engineer, like outdoor activities, and liked classic cars, preferably convertibles. So I replied to her ad and told her a little about myself and she wrote back in about a 2-page e-mail telling me about herself. We had a lot in common, from liking the same kind of movies, favorite foods, hobbies, etc. I work at an Engineering firm as a drafter/Mechanical designer, so we have that in common also. We wrote e-mails back and forth a couple times, then talked on the phone, and then finally met for drinks (about a week after my reply to her ad). We've really hit it off and have been out about 4 or 5 times. Now here is the crazy part. Before we had even met in person, I had forwarded her a joke that I also sent to my brother Chris. The next day we were talking on the phone and she asked if Chris was my father. I was like, "No, but his name is Chris too". Then she asked if my mom's name was Rosemary? A little freaked out, I said that it was. She was like, "Well, my parents know your parents!" It turns out that her dad and my dad used to work together and our parents would party together on the weekends! How crazy is that???? What are the odds of that happening??? Small world!! We've been seeing each other for about two months now and it's going great. I'm not one who really believes in fate, but this is a little strange :)

I think my good luck may have been just that.......luck, but who knows. What have you got to lose?

[dadaist]

Well, now I'm curious. Jennaflower, how has this progressed? If you feel like talking about it that is :)

[Loulabelle]

Jenna sweetie -

A few months ago I remember seeing your posts around and about the place and I swear they were pretty much interchangeable with my own! We both had the same problem: we are intelligent, attractive (yeah I've seen your face pic, so I know what I'm talking about!) thoughtful, discerning women. The things is there are lots of single guys out there but not many of them are good enough for a woman like you and you know that - that's why you're single.

The reason I draw your attention to our similiarities as people. is that I have a suspicion that you will find a partner the same way I did: when you least expect it and from the most unlikely source.

Believe it or not, it was I who first PMed Fussy - not because I was in lust with his pictures or I'd been particularly moved by some response he'd had to mine, but because at that precise moment, when I saw him surfing Pixies I felt lonely and wanted to reach out to someone. We became good friends - best friends in a way that probably none of the other people at Pixies were aware for the first few months and eventually it grew into something more - in fact it still is growing.

And that really is the way it happens....because when you are talking to someone because you enjoy their company and have fun with them you are not worrying about how you appear to them all the time.....you are more yourself and when you are yourself, that's when a person is going to fall for you.

Don't think too much about the future. Don't worry that the guy isn't 'Mr Right' as sometimes Mr Right can be different from what you thought you wanted.

And on a lighter note - in the profile - if I were you I'd flirt a little more! I know you're intelligent and want someone to be serious, but you have to make sure people know you're sexy and fun too.

[seriousfun]

Jenna,

My girlfriend made me famous!

http://personals.nerve.com/personals/dirt/03_21_03/

It can work!

[jennaflower]

dadaist, unfortunately my online search was not successful.. no responses actually... *sigh*

Loulabelle... I do hope that you are correct... that it will happen.. and when I least expect it... :)

seriousfun... nice little right up about you :) I think she has done well for herself.