Naughty Limericks

[incitatus]

I think we've all heard a dirty limerick or two in our lives.

"There once was a man from Nantucket..."

If you haven't heard any recently, make one up.


Here are a few that I found in a book (plus one I made up -which one is it?)


A homely old lady named Grace
Had plenty of dates at her place
She was classed as first rate
For she'd greet a new date
With her dress pulled up over her face.


A frustrated fellow named Chase
Had nothing to say to wife Grace
For three decades or so-
But his family did grow
For he only was mad at her face.


There once was a lad named Herman
Who treated the ladies like vermin
When asked by his pals
His view of the gals
"To me they're only something to put sperm in"


The fellow that f*cked Lady Smith
Said, "You are great fun to be with;
By the way I am Thor".
She said, "Me too -no more-
I'm tho thore that I can hardly pith.


There was a young sparrow with spark
Who flew to the park in the dark
He came back to the nest
Kissed his mate and confessed
That he only went off on a lark.

[Booger]

at Princeton a lady named lane
had a terribly intricate brain
she could do magic tricks
with balls and with sticks
that drove the whole golf team insane


this one is mavis from yale
she's now doing post-grad in jail
you see as a frosh
her house was quite posh
with a sign reading "this one's for sale"


the lady is helen of brown
her aim is a black cap and gown
to pay for pre-dental
and bills monumental
she made lots of dough going down


this is lolita from penn
who often made deals with men
you see for a buck
she'd strip down and fuck
and between classes she'd do it again


at dartmouth the winters are cold
but letitia van gyde still made gold
she got a room and a booker
she's an after-school hooker
and a good student also we're told

prunella came from bryn mawr
to her that old school was a bore
her major's pre-med
she minors in bed
'cause at harvard they all pay to score


virginia she's realy a lion
the trustees all think she's quite fine
she works morningside hights
and other fine sites
on a scale up to ten she'a a nine

[incitatus]

Those limericks give the term "school spirit" a whole new meaning