Online romance

[krzykrn]

Ok well...maybe it is the fact that I was alone for the holidays...and perhaps the fact that I haven't had a girlfriend in a year (what's that I hear? yes that is the sound of a tiny violin lol) but I was wondering what people here thought about the possibility and viability or online romance?

Obviously there are many factors which need to be looked at such as discussing the possibilites with the person, setting limits, being realistic due to factor of distance, ect...I was wondering if anyone out there has experienced an online romance that was successful...think it can happen? What was your experience like and would you pursue something again if the opportunity arose?

Forgive the ramblings of a pensive romantic fool :) *sits back down strumming his guitar, humming softly to himself*

[horseman12]

i have had several relationships that have started online, and although i could give details about them,,,,,,,,,,i want only because of the lack of space, but i will sum it up, be very careful, speaking only from my experiences the person you may fall in love, lust, are whatever with may not be the exact same person you meet, because this is cyber world, and alot of fantasy, not saying it can't happen, and not saying i will never do it again, because you can still learn more about a person before you meet them, and you can take as much time as you need, patience has never been one of my qualities, but thru trial and error, it is now! good luck, and i hope you find that one in a million person.

[4youreyesonly]

I think it can work. I have a good friend who is blissfully happy because her online romance became reality.
if two people take their time to really get to know eachother, not just the sexual part, but learn to enjoy the companionship, yes I am very sure it can work. I wouldn't be surprised if it happened for me one day.

[jennaflower]

krzykrn..

I read your initial post TWICE before I finally decided to post my opinion..

I have been there.. done that.. shut the door.. locked it... dead bolted it... sheet rocked over it.. painted it.. BUT that was 2 years ago.. and I have slowly begun to remove those locks, .. and am now in the process of opening the door. Now.. it has yet to be seen whether or not I will find what I am looking for on the other side.. only time will reveal that to me.

I don't think that the possibility of finding love online is unrealistic. As 4YourEyesOnly mentioned above, I too know people who have been blessed to find their mate online. It wasn’t something they were necessarily looking for, but it did happen. The opportunities to meet people are unlimited in life. Many people have the fortune of meeting someone at work, at church, thru friends, at the bar, at the produce section of the grocery store, etc. Every venue offers up its own possibilities, I do think that as with all other avenues in the dating world, finding someone online has its own unique challenges.

Yes, I do have experience in this area. 2 ½ years ago, I met a wonderful guy online. We met after he read one of my stories online and sent me an email. I responded and things went on from there. I live in Missouri, he lives in Northern Virginia. We began to get to know one another in April of 2000. We spoke to eachother daily via email and the phone (it wasn’t unusual to talk ALL night long on the phone) and in Aug 2000 he made the trip to visit me. It was a wonderful week together, we hit it off as well as I could have dreamt possible (if not better). My family met him (and loved him), my friends really liked him, and he and my son hit it off well. He returned home from the trip and things continued as they had before.. endless calls.. emails.. I spent a week in Northern VA in October 2000. I met his family, his little girl, a few of his co-workers and friends. Everything was still going wonderfully. We had begun discussing me moving there the following May. Come December he came out here for Christmas and again it was wonderful (he even paid to have my brother fly out from California to surprise my Mom). Everything was wonderful… then on January 21st, he called me. Suddenly telling me that he had been mistaken that he didn’t love me.. assuring me that it was HIM.. not Me (yeah right!). Click. Nothing more.. no further explanations.. it was over.. turned my world upside down. It was really the worst heartache I have ever had..

Why do I retell that.. Because I think that it touches on what Horseman mentioned above in his post.. That online you take the chance of falling for someone who is making themselves into being someone that they are not.. Whether they do so to impress the other person, or purely because they wish they were something that they are not.. the risk is there. Yes, that risk exists in any form you choose to utilize in your search for a mate.. but online seems to be a heightened level of it.

There is another problem with falling for someone online.. that problem being that some of the communication skills that are used on a daily basis in our lives are weakened or entirely unavailable. There is a lot to be said for reading a face, looking into someone’s eyes and being able to really be able to identify a truth, a lie, or an exaggeration. I like to think that with the online relationship that I had, that if I had seen him every day during those 9 months instead of those all too brief visits, maybe I would have seen it coming, maybe I would have seen him for the man he was. BUT then again, I doubt that. Logically I know that the relationship could have started anywhere.. not just online.

In any relationship.. the 3 most important qualities is Trust, Honesty, and communication and it is really hard to find all of those online… or maybe that is just me.

Just as I have come to realize that there are disadvantages to the online courtship.. I think that there are just as many advantages. I think that it is a wonderful way to really explore someone and allow them deeper access in getting to know you than what they would have gained had you met them elsewhere. I have met some wonderful men online.. and I enjoy being able to expose myself entirely to them. I have the philosophy at this point of my life.. that I would rather them learn EVERYTHING about me via the distance than risk the rejection later. I tend to be brutally honest about myself and try to the best of my ability not to allow them to have any wild misconceptions. I do tho, find it hard to express how I might feel.. or my desire to get to know them better.. instead choosing to allow them to make the move… I refuse to “court” them.. the risk is too great for me.. rejection wise..

Yikes.. didn’t mean to post like crazy..

Krzykrn.. When it is meant to happen for you (and I am certain it will), then it is going to happen. Whether that be online, in the grocery store or at the stop light.. it will happen 

HUGS

[krzykrn]

Horesman, 4youreyes and Jenna, thank you for your input, I do greatly appreciate your thoughs, opinions and experiences.

[scotzoidman]

My best friend met his current wife online, of course time will tell if this is the right one long term...my guess is that the odds of finding true love are stacked against you what ever the forum, be it bars or internet...but you've gotta slog thru a lot of chaff to get to the wheat...

[fzzy]

My question is what do you consider a successful relationship? Personally, if I lived through it, learned something worthwhile from it and enjoyed most of the time spent together .....it's successful! So, I'd say about 1/2 of the ones I've had online (even if it stayed totally online) have been successful...I like people, I enjoy talking with them, just because it doesn't go long-term, doesn't mean it's not been successful ... at least that's my opinion. :)

[Booger]

I've had many online relationships not of the romantic nature but have many friend who I've met from online and chat with all the time.
I've know a few people who have gotten married for online romance including my cousin

[jennaflower]

fzzy..

I completely agree.. altho the online relationship that I had that brought me to my knees hurt me tremendously.. looking back, I don't do so with anger or bitterness.. I have no regrets.. I took from that relationship many life altering lessons (Not all bad) and I don't think that if given a choice, I would have done anything differently.

[Vintage Vixen]

I met my bf online almost 1 1/2 ago...so far,so good.I can't imagine not being with him.When we met we'd only talked on the phone once and later that nite we met.I'm glad i took the chance:)
And i thought personal ads were b.s. but he was just what he said he was :) :)

[Wombat]

I guess WD and I are the living proof that online romances can work although it wasn't as you might think.
We had met and had been chatting for only 3 months or so,you know , the usual emails phone calls online chats etc. and she was telling me how unhappy she was with her lot where she was so I offered her my spare room and the moral support so she could make a new life for herself in a great place to live and have a fresh start. Obviously there was also a spark there as well as I don't make a habit of inviting everyone I meet to move in to my house. Funny thing is ,she's never spent a single night in the spare room :D,as soon as we met face to face we both knew it was meant to be and we've been as one ever since.

[legend]

I'm very happy with my wonderful, beautiful and sexy girlfriend that I met on this very site. We plan on being together for a very long time, so yes, they can be successful. :)

[Steph]

I work for a well-known company that specializes in Web and phone personals. I've only been there two weeks but am amazed at how many people there have met their SOs from the site and phone! We'll also get calls from people complaining that the person they called or sent messages to online weren't who they said they were (too short, lied about weight, etc.) but you can have the same types of problems if you meet someone at a bar. I could tell you I'm a doctor while we have a beer at the local pub, right?

I think online relationships have as good a chance as any to succeed.

[krzykrn]

Thanks again for all the input everyone, just been something that has been on my mind lately. I am happy that some of you have found someone you care about, it gives some hope.

Steph and Scotz, I think you are right, this is just like anyplace else, and you have to just wade around until you find the right one. Ahh Legend, if we could all be as lucky as yourself :)

Well, until then I will just have my fun here on Pixie's, thanks again everyone.

*gets on his steel horse and rides off into the sunset*