Children say the damndest things!!!!

[LixyChick]

You all know I don't have any children of my own. But at work my friends are always relating stories of the latest things their kids come up with. I had to tell you these two stories.......told to me just yesterday.

Lydia has a 4 year old daughter, a 13 year old son, and a 20 year old daughter. She is a single parent and the best mother I have ever known, aside from my mom. Each day is a new story and I listen intently because I know she'll make me laugh eventually.

Lydia always wakes Laura Lyn in the morning with a struggle. She had had enough of this struggle yesterday morning and so she rushed Laura along in a rather harsh manner. On the drive to pre-school she was yelling (rather out of character for Lydia to do) and saying things like, "Shit Laura Lyn, you have to stop making mornings so hard. I don't like to yell at you like this but shit Laura, I can't take much more of this behavior." Lydia never usually uses any curses while talking to her children but she was extremely excited this particular morning.

Upon entering the school to pick Laura up at the end of the day she peeked in the schoolroom and watched Laura interact with the other children. She seemed no worse for the wear of the morning bitching so Lydia walked in the room and sat in a chair next to Laura. Lydia asked her how her day went and she said it was fine. Lydia asked if she told anyone what happened on the way to school this morning and Laura said yes, she had told her teacher and a few friends. Lydia was shocked but asked, "What did you tell them, exactly?" Laura Lyn said, "I told the teacher that you didn't feel good and you must have the runs because you kept saying the "S" word over and over again on the ride to school."

Needless to say...........Lydia was mortified!


And with this story told.........another friend, Jill, related a story of what happened to her once when her daughter Heather was in elementary school.

Jill recieved a letter from Heather's teacher one day that explained the problems of children living with the families of alcoholics. She was shocked and asked Heather why her teacher would send her something such as this along with Heather's homework. Heather replied, "Because I didn't do my homework yesterday and the teacher asked why and I told her that you and daddy were too drunk to help me with it."

Jill nearly fainted and called her own mother for advice. Her mother told her to calm down and just call the teacher and explain what happened. Jill said. "I can't do that mom! The first paragraph in the pamphlet she sent home is "DENIAL!"


OMGGGGGGGGG! ROFLMFAO!!!!! The things you parents have to endure!

Any other stories like this? Post away moms and dads!

[GermanSteve]

Heheee, so always be aware of clever children :D

[2-4-tea]

well I do not know if this qualifys but my son when he was 7 asked me where babys came from I told him to ask his mother he came back said I had to tell him, I told him that what happened was that mommys have eggs and the daddys have 'magic stuff" that fertalizes the egg and 9 months later a baby was born. He was happy. Several nights later we were at a school function a magic show the guy said he had to go into his magic bag and set his magic stuff out. The boy asked if we were going to see him have a baby in front of everyone

[RandyGal]

Great stories...and kids TO manage to find lots of ways to horrify and embarrass us. :eek:


When my daughter was about 8 or so she decided she would try out the new word she had learned at school.

She ALSO KNEW that it was a bad word because the kids had told her so...

so she tried this IN PUBLIC, while we were dining in McDonalds.

Knowing it was a bad word and that she'd likely get a quick swat on the fanny for saying it she decided to temper her word with OTHER words even LOUDER than the naughty word.


Her little public test of our parenting skills went like this.


"Mom! What the FUCK is on this hamburger...AND AIIEEEE DON'T HIT ME!"

The "DON'T HIT ME" reverberated through the booths of McDonalds and the place became very quiet.

At that moment, we really DID want to smack that little child into oblivion! It was soooooooooooo embarrassing but she knew JUST what to say to make us look like evil EVIL parents.

Yeah, it's funny NOW..but at the time all we wanted to do was slink away (AFTER smacking her of course) and never return.

LOL LOL LOL

[LixyChick]

LMAO 2-4-tea...........So then.......you are saying........babies come from magicians?????? ROFL!

OMG RG! What the fuck WAS on that hamburger???? Too funny hun!

TY for sharing guys! I would love to see that show come back with Art Linkletter/Bill Cosby....."Kids Say The Darndest Things". I always loved that show!

[Oldfart]

My niece (maybe four at that stage) was on a bus when a sikh

gentleman got on.

Little Janet said very loudly to her mother. "Poor man, sore head".

Cracked up everybody except the sikh.

[Pussy Willow]

We were passing a large building that had been a warehouse
and the city is going to build condos there, and my 8 yr. old deciced to try out a new word. He said, and I quote, "So, mommy
that's wear the condoms are going, right ? I asked him to repeat
himself at least 3 times to make sure I understood him right.

Yep, he said, "Condoms." I said, "No, honey, there putting condos there, apartments for people to live in."

He said, "Oh, then what does "condom" mean.

Very releived that he had asked that question I told him I'd tell
him when he was older.

[Summer]

We (meaning my family) were driving along at a pretty fast pass. A Highway Patrol man pulled us over for it. When he got to the window and began to talk my 4 year old daughter looked at him and asked "Why did you pull us over? What is your name?" I was mortified. Anyway he replies with "What is your name?" She thought for a minute then replied with my name. I was flustered my child had lied and given my damn name. The Highway Patrol man proceed to ask my husband to please step out of the truck and come to the back of the vehicle. My husband did and was only given a warning.
LOL
-Summer :D

[PantyFanatic]

Not very sensuous, but either is a 5 year old.
While on one of those ½ hour drives (eternity for a little one), and just after that “why is grass green?” and “why is it dark at night?” stage, my daughter asks from the back seat, “Dad, is fiction a story that’s not true?”. I tell her that’s right. “Dad, you said science is the truth!” “Right again.” I tell her. “Then what is science fiction?”:confused:

[BIBI]

Lydia is 5 and comes from a very devout Christian home. Nothing wrong with anyones beliefs, but this family as nice as they are tend to get you in a headlock once in a while preaching.
One day as I was gardening and decided to have an "evil" cigarette break. Lydia walks up to me and says, " If you smoke you will die."

I told her that I knew that and I asked her where do you go when you die.....she smiled and said to heaven!

I then asked her "Lydia who do you see when you die and go to heaven?" She looked puzzling at me and then the biggest brightest smile appeared on her face and she said. "JESUS" I said......RIGHT!!!!! The next day I saw her "smoking a pencil' Needless to say......I hope with all my heart she doesnt take up the evil weed to see Jesus sooner than she should. I felt so bad after that I had to tell her mother so her mom could set her straight and tell her I am a heathen who knows nothing and will probably never see heaven anyway!

[darkbard21]

ROTFLMAO: BIBI, that is one of the funniest stories I've heard in a long time. Congrats on the 1000+ posts to!

Unfortunatly I don't have any kids myself. But one time me and a girlfriend of mine were sitting in the livingroom of my moms house. She's in the kitchen and talking to us. Out of the bedroom comes my then 1 year old sister; and shes carrying a little pink dildo. Our laughter causes her to come investigate, which she promply snaches it out of her had, mumbles something about "Getting into her fathers drawer" and quickly goes into the bedroom.