ok sit tight this is kinda long so bear with me. i hafta give a little backstory.

ok story starts about 5-6 years ago (dont worry ill jump ahead quickly) when Z and i met (Z being the aforementioned gal) well we became friends quickly and have been so ever scince.

Jump to last year (see?) I realized that somewhere along the way I had fallen in love with her and was just now admitting it to myself. her previous boyfriend, a rather uncouth, unkempt and unpleasant fellow by the name of Derrick, who had also been her friend for several years. they dated and he decided he wanted to date someone else. instead of being a decent person and breaking up withZ first he just started dating whatshername behind Z's back. Z discovered his duplicity and confronted him about it, long story short they havent spoken scince.

present day. I have told her pretty much how i feel, though in letters or peoms rather than speaking the words to her as due to earlier experinces(?) which i wont discuss here, i have an emotional blockage. I can flirt with anyone at all, except people i am really interested in (i can online though, oddly) and i cant make myself express my feeling to them unless i trick myself into it, IE a card with a poem in it.

Well she told me that we were too good as friends to date, that she did not wish to lose what we had already. she fears that the same thing will happen to us that happend to her and derrick, though i am nothing like him. All i can do for now is respect her descision and hope she will change her mind it seems.

problem being I'm not even a little interested in any other women romantically, yes i do lust after some, what hetero male doesnt (dont lie fellas) she is the only person who makes me feel that way, just by being around her, even just stitting together, not touching r even talking i feel like all is right with the world.
She makes me happy, when I'm sad
She makes me warm, when I'm cold
She makes me want her, when I'm gone
She makes me glad, to be alive
She MAKES me.

I can't imagine life without her..its too bleak to contemplate.please help me if you can.

__________________
I may die tomorrow, let today be the best day of my life.
Du darfst mein Bestrafer sein ja.
Fear death? I welcome it like a long gone lover, with open arms and a smile.