I don't know what's come over me! Suddenly I am willing to share one (the biggest one) of my.......

LIFE'S MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENTS!!!!!

I am hoping other's will open up.....as a I think this can be rather cathartic! Read mine and if you feel an urge.....share yours as well!

Hold onto your hat's! Here goes.........


Picture this:

Third date with boyfriend (now ex-husband)!

Virgin skier......That's right! I said skier!

He asks me to go to Killington, Vermont. I'd never been to Vermont. WOW! Yes, I'll go but I can't ski. He'll teach me. He was so patient. Gave me all the rules. I was looking good in all that garb! White ski suit, black boots, Rosignol ski's...the works! Step into your ski's! Toe in.....slam down on the heel! Got it...first try! Ok...now sit down! Why? Cause you'll be down there most of the day anyway and you have to know how to get back up! Oh, ye of little faith....ok....I sat. Now get up! Hmmmmm? I can't. He showed me the maneuver. One lesson down! Damn, I'm a good student! Ok....now snow plow! I looked around....I didn't see a snow plow. No......it's a way of slowing down! Oh.....Hmmmm? I look pigeon-toed! But if you say so.....okie dokie! Ok.....now we get on the lift! As the snow comes up to meet your ski's.....you glide off the lift. I can do that......here comes the snow.......I glide off.......looking towards the drop off at the other side of the mountain. TURN RIGHT...he yells as he is moving away from me! You didn't show me how to turn! Oh shit! SIT DOWN NOW! I sat down......I paid attention to that part in the lessons phase of this trip! He came and got me......we moved to an area where we weren't in the way of the "knowledgeable" skiers, and he gave me a few more NECESSARY lessons! I skied the mountain twice and I was ready for a drink!

*And that's NOT even the embarrassing moment!*

TO THE LODGE!

In the lodge:

I fit right in. I looked like a typical "snow bunny"! I walked around in the boots like a Frankenstein's monster! There is no sexy way to trod around in them! And we had hot toddy's! And we drank a few shots! And low and behold......a piano player for our entertainment! This is wonderful! The first song.....American Pie! OMG! I love that song! I sang along.....as did most everyone in the lodge. The lodge was packed with typical skiers! I even saw some aquaintances from my home town! Arggggg....I was trying to "get away from it all". Oh well....no biggy! Hi guys! Yes, it's my first trip to Vermont! Oh noooooo, I ski all the time.....just my first time to Vermont! Ok......so I lied! I didn't want to seem out of place!

The next song........a ditty I had heard when I was younger......"There's a Skeeter on my Peter"! Our pianist had a fun version for us to sing. Audience participation! I am such a ham.....of course I would join right in! Here's how he explained it......

"I'll sing.....there's a skeeter on my peter....and you (the audience) will yell.....Whack It Off!" "I'll ask a few questions......and if they pertain to you......you reply....Whack it Off!" OK.......Ready?

*This is how it went from that moment on*

(Piano guy) There's a skeeter on my peter....
(Audience) WHACK IT OFF!

There's a skeeter on my peter....
WHACK IT OFF

There's a dozen on my cousin, I can hear them bastards buzzin...
There's a skeeter on my peter.....
WHACK IT OFF

(piano guy) All you guys out there who think you'll get lucky tonight.....gimme a WHACK IT OFF!

There's a skeeter on my peter.....
(Every guy in the audience) WHACK IT OFF

All you ladies out there who think you'll let them get lucky tonight....gimme a WHACK IT OFF!

There's a skeeter on my peter......
(Every lady in the audience, including me) WHACK IT OFF

All you guys who think you'll go muff diving tonight...gimme a WHACK IT OFF!

There's a skeeter on my peter......
(Yep! All the guys!) WHACK IT OFF

All you ladies who will go for a mustache ride tonight.....gimme a WHACK IT OFF!

There's a skeeter on my peter......
(Me....and me alone........with all the fervor of the other responses.....but standing this time to show even more support) WHACK IT OFF!!!!!!!!

I heard myself........just me.........no other women to get my back.......just me.......and it echoed!...... OMG! I was so alone!

And then the laughter started!

I could feel the reddness rising from my toes. I had to do something. I turned to face the audience (as we were at the front table by the stage) and I pointed to some of the women in the audience and said, "Liar", you know you are going to ride tonight!" I took a bow. The audience started to applaud! I looked at my boyfriend, who was grinning like a proud Cheshire cat! The piano player was laughing and saying, "I have no way of doing an encore after that!" He took his (entirely too soon) break and left the stage......still laughing. He walked up to me and whispered, "I know they are all liars but you!", and winked at me and went to the bar. I bowed again......grabbed my boyfriends hand and said out loud, "We are getting this evening started early". We made a hasty retreat.......out of the lodge and to our room! We fell onto the bed laughing and...........

Well........that's all you need to know!

NEXT!!!!!!!

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~