After every Qantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a "Problem Sheet." The Problem Sheet informs the mechanics of problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair, or correction. The pilot completes the top part of the form, listing the problem, to which the mechanics read and then respond, in writing, on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken....

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and responses with P = the problem logged by the pilot, S = the solution and action taken by engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for...
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: After brief search, engine found on right wing .
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

Love all you folks from down under. G'day mates!