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Quote:

Originally Posted by Cognito

Hi Steph:

Thanks for your response. Yes, I agree...I have done a lot of changing over the past few years and I think that's part of the problem. I just want different things than he wants.

Yes, there's a difference between "thinking" and "knowing" that I am not in love. There are good days - there are just very few of them. We don't fight...there's just no spark. I don't rush home to see him anymore, and I haven't for many months.

I've thought about a counselor. My husband is very private, and he is not interested in going to one. However, I could probably make him go if I insisted...do you think I should? I've always wondered how it works out if one person really doesn't want to be there.

Thanks for the help.
-Ann

JMHO, but I would think that both people would need to want to be there. But that requires both people admitting that there is something that needs to be analyzed and that's not easy to do. Whether it's that he isn't ready to concede that there's a problem, or if he truly believes one doesn't exist...the result is the same. The only way a couple stands the chance to work things out is if both people are engaged in the process.

Because I use sex for a lot of analogies, I'll do it here too.

It's like my asking Mrs. WI to tie me up. She's not interested in doing it, and is very happy having more conservative sex. She did it once just to please me and it was a disaster. She wasn't "in" to it and it was obvious. Then she got defensive about it, and the whole thing just deteriorated. My point is that like sex acts, couple's counselling requires mutual interest and participation or only one person is getting what they want out of it...and not even that. Not a resolution to a desire.

I'm sorry that I'm only able to suggest what probably won't work and not something that possibly will. I hate seeming negative, but my only positive suggestions sound very obvious.