Quantas ... for our Aussie friends :D
 

After every Qantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a "Problem Sheet." The Problem Sheet informs the mechanics of problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair, or correction. The pilot completes the top part of the form, listing the problem, to which the mechanics read and then respond, in writing, on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken....

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and responses with P = the problem logged by the pilot, S = the solution and action taken by engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for...
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: After brief search, engine found on right wing .
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

Love all you folks from down under. G'day mates! :D

I think they're funny DB! LMAO!

I enjoyed them DB. I even copied then and forwarded them on to some friends. People have to have fun at work, other wise life is too boring.

I liked em db.......but I think it's bad karma to laugh about aero things! LOL!

BTW.....If Quantas is the only major airline to never have an accident.......do they know the rule of odds?

Oh geezzzzzzzz........I hated saying that cause now I'll feel sooooooo guilty if something happens!

Sombody spank the crap outta me!

P: Somebody spank the crap outta me!
S: Me, Lixy, I'll do it. Pick me! Pick me! Then we could do mouth-to-mouth ... er ... okay the mouth will be next. :D :D

well as an Aussie and an ex Aircraft Maintenance Engineer (Mechanic !!! don't you dare call us that Buster) I appreciate the comments though I thought Qantas had no piston engine aircraft only Jet aircraft.
For those wondering about that comment it is due to the "engine missing" part. Piston engines use spark plugs and if a spark plug misfires the engine looses revs and runs roughly. This is called "missing". A Jet aircraft has no spark plugs and burns fuel constantly once it is lit by igniters at start up. If the fire goes out it is called a flame out and is easily rectified by reigniting with the igniters.

Sorry to hit you with all that techo stuff LOL :D

Grumbles tell that to a pilot cause they don't know nothen' :D

I actually understood all that GG! Hmmmmmm? Hubby used to be a diesal mechanic and I guess I got to know some of the jargon from him. Least ways I knew you had to have a spark plug for an engine to be "missing"! LOL!

Now puter talk (dadaist's thread).....there's where I'm a "deer in the headlights"!

*bending over so's db can spank me up!*