Lack of sex
 

Hello everyone.

I'm a married male, ( anniversary is in just over a week). While I consider myself happily married, my wife and I are having sex only once a week, and sometimes not even that.

The stress of work for both of us is very high, and $ is very tight so I am sure that is contirbuting to the problem, but as I am a very horny (by nature) individual, can anyone help me find a way to get my wife back into the sack ??

I'm spending alot of time going to the self-service pump, and would really like to get back to full serve.

Thanks,

OH MAN! Can I relate to what you are saying!!!

I can see this being the thread where we get to bitch a little...

I don't know what to tell you that will help cause I'm trying to figure it out as well.... once a week if I'm lucky and then when we do have sex it is just a WHAM BAM! THANK YOU MAM... lol

There is the odd time, very odd that she gets really horny and we have better sex....

What I guess really pisses me off is the teasing she does and then nothing... she'll come up during the day and tell me how wet she is and horny, sometimes I get a finger in there to see how wet she is... I then make the motion for the bedroom and it's always the same... the kids are in the house... there is a door on the bedroom but it doesn't matter... by the time we get to bed she is either tired or not interested anymore... that is a killer...

Hey nutworld... thanks for the thread to get rid of some stress...

Bogeyman

No problem bud. Anything to help a fellow man out who is in the same situation.

I think I've got it easier than you though..I dont get teased. I am pretty much the instigator of ANY and all action.

I've been with a woman who loved to tease...masterbation( LOUD), phone sex, whatever and then when I came into the room it was hands OFF buddy. That was bad too.

well, what I wonder is, how can you get her back into that sexual mode? When you met I am sure all was great in the sex department right? So how do you get that back? It sounds like she would not be interested in watching a porn with you, but what about her reading a sexual story? Just reading those stories gets me all wet and ready to rip my husbands clothes off. Maybe if you asked her what she fantasized about or even got on the topic of sex.... I dont know the answer, just thought I would throw some ideas out. Good luck guys!

Rollergrl,

I know what you are thinking..and you are correct, we DO need to get back to the sex of before. I just dont know how. we've been married for 4 years now and the sex has just fallen off the table.

We used to watch some porn..and still do on occasion. That helps but like the sex itself, it is too few and far between. Either she is too tired or grumpy or both. As far as reading stories goes, that is a great turn on for me but practically blows out the candle on her end..let alone lite the fire.

She has avoided any topic of fantasies, and won't divulge any of them to me. We are about to the point of being in as big of a rut as I think is possible.

Being married for 4 years has been great, but as far as any exploring of boundries goes, we are done. She doesn't appear to want to explore any further. If we havent done it or tried it by now, I'm pretty sure that we won't try it at all.

Some BJ's and oral on her end is fine...Missionary or Female on top is fine too, throw in the occasional doggy for variation.( though I cant remember the last time we did it that way). She rarely lets me perform oral on her, it USED to be most of the time with, now its most of the time without oral.

I am beginning to think that she noo loger enjoys it when I do. I am also feeling like sex happens just to get me to quit asking WHEN.

Maybe you just answered your question, you feel that you sometimes get laid to stop you from asking "When"? My husband and I have both sides of the problem, when I'm ready he's tired, when he's ready I'm just not in the mood. When we are seperated, even for a few days we're horny when we meet again...maybe if you just left her alone she'd come to you. Don't stop the love, there are comforting things women want that you take for sexual things...just don't jump to the sex...try playing hard to get...

Kissyface,

Thanks for the imput. That might be a plan of action that would help. I think I will give it a try.

thanks

I've been going without for 24+ years now ... and still surviving ...
But I guess when you don't really know what you're missing you ain't really missing it ...

well, I dont want you to get into any trouble nutworld, but when my husband and I are totally pissed at each other the sex is cut off right. The best way for us to settle the spat is when he comes home, slams the door and rips my clothes off. By the time I am ready to say what the hell, his hard one is going at it. And to be honest, I love it that way! When he treats me like a desired woman, and wants me so badly...I am so ready for great sex! Women loved to be desired and recieve attention. That works everytime!

hello all
 

I hear you all ...

Here is my tow cents worth ...

One man says about the kids in the house .. well yes sure the bed room has a door .. but to me being a women There is nothing more Non sexual then knowing your kids could walk in ... what a turn off guys sorry .. then who will be the ones to explain to the kids what was gong on .... Also With kids near you do have to hold back a little ...
Imagine this way .. Getting all hot and ready to go and you both are into it and the kids walk in .... OK if they are fast alseep then you can let go !!


What ever happened to ForePLay ... not just a Jump in the bed and have a quick lick or stroke .... Then sex !!

What about whille she is doing the dishes .. Rub up against her ... Let her know your horny .. But Drop the " Lets have sex "
Build her up ... as one person said .. Play hard to get ... Turn her on guys .... If a women is Turned on she will want sex ...
Also try building her up Chase her .. Tease her give her somethings to think about and dont mention fucking ...

Think back ... Make it a new leaf ... You be the ones to introjuce her to new things New Games .... Do your Home Work guys come on ...

And when you say she doenst like storys ... how do you know maybe she would .. if you gave her a nice little book and left her to her own self ... she may masturbate with it .. but not with you there to start of with .. get her hooked lmao ... but still drop the sex ...
Tease her with all you have ......

Being together for years ... things do get to be the Same ol Same ol ..... Women love to be wanted needed and most of all Pleased .... We are sexula but you guys sometimes need to WORK HARDER ... then getting your own cocks hard ..... ! lmao


PS .. Buy her a few toys .. not things that are so huge and nasty looking .. but some nice enjoyable playable toys ... but again leave them to her ... for a few days .. then bring up the topic ... or get her horny and bring one out .. and just use it with out her knowing your going to .. if she is horny she may love it or hate it ... !! ... but if you just lighly tease her body with it .. and not put it inside her till she gives you the ok ... then you may be ok there !



see ya !

lack of sex
 

I too can relate to this. When it happens, the sex can be great. I always make sure that my wife reaches the best orgasm she can, but in between all the great sex there is a lot of no sex. She seems to be able to get interested when I start something but she seems to not want to be the instigator. She will start, but quickly loses interest. Don't get me started on "I'm Tired" or "I have a Headache". It just amazes me too, the number of people who have said that when he is always horny, she is not and visa versa. Why can't we get this together. Ayway I'm done bitchin' (for now anyway!!!).

Alot of good advice listed here.

Yes, with children around, it's harder for a woman to "let herself go", well most women anyway. I know how it is in a young marriage, kids, money shortages, bills, all of which are contributing factors in the feelings of lack of sex.

Sex is not, or should not be measured by quantity. It's better to adjust to "quality". A good quality sex session sure the heck beats many "quickies".

It may be possible to ship the kids off to grandma's or another relative for an evening or two. This sometimes helps the two of you re-equaint yourselves to each other. But, remember to take it slow, have a nice meal, help clean-up, candles and soft music and most of all LISTEN to her. Rent and Watch a romantic movie (not necessarily a porno movie) and snuggle together on the couch or even the floor. Buy her something nice, something that she has been wanting or needing. There is always room in the budget to get something if you want it bad enough.

(I got married at 18 and was making a whole $3.00 per hour with a kid on the way, we were renting an apartment but still managed to save a down payment and bought a house in 18 months. We were told by all our friends that the marriage wouldn't last, that was 25 years ago!)

I have resided to making her feel good, I have set my goals to make her cum three or more times to my one, which isn't always easy.

Women like compliments, about their bodies, their house cleaning, their working with the children and anything else that makes them feel good mentally. Compliment her on the great jobs she is doing around the house, yard, work. Tell her you like the new dress, her meals, her hair. Don't push or even mention sex, but give her an extra "non-committing" hug.

Offer her a back or neck massage when she says she's tired. Even if she doesn't have an outside job, running a household can be very exhausting! Again, back away from sex, and when you do get together, work on her pleasures, not yours. You have chosen this woman to be you wife, for life, so treat her as the queen you fell in love with and give her all the pleasures you can.

In the event that none of these "suggestions" work, you may want to pursue the thought that maybe (not saying it's so) she is getting sexual release in another manner.

:) :) :) :) :) :) :)

OK... Here I guess I must confess to relieve some of my male buddies who have posted here or to let them think vice versa. I am a 35 yr old male, happily married for over a year and lived together for about a year b4 signing in. Have a wonderful 9 mts old son. This is my 2nd marriage.

Lately, I lost interest in sex, not my wife. She complains about this and when it was time for her to take her contraceptive shot, she rejected saying she didnt want any hormones in her when we made love so seldom.

I am not impotent, on the contrary I am horny and erect most of the times but when it gets to action, i somewhat feel too lazy to do it. I sometimes even prefer masturbation to having sex. We are going through some bad times regarding money and work, and i figure out this is a result of some kind of depression.

Well not to tire you off about my self problems, why not think about your wife the same way.. Same could happen to you too. I also must state that I still love my wife, find her very sexy and attractive and have had no other sexual relations being with her. Try thinking that way...

Just a random bit of advise/facts, whatever. One thing to remember is that "traditionally" men are most intrested in sex during the hours around 8am, while women are more intrested in it around 9pm. Not that it applies to everyone, but as people get older they tend to conform more and more to this "fact."

Another thing you guys could try is reading some women's mags. You know Cosmo, etc. Just to get some female directed ideas about new things to do and how to impliment them. Also like everyone else said, don't goto her with the idea of the goal being sex. Just have the goal being closeness and "cuddliness."

If you must discuse the issue directly DON'T do it in the bedroom. Bring it up gradually when you will have plenty of time to talk about it, but also be willing and ready to give her some space if it doesn't go very well.

First of all let me tell you I feel your pain. My Wife and I have been married over six years, she is four months pregnant with our first child, and we have not had sex since some time in April due to the worst case of morning sickness ever. I also apologize if this advice has been given to you already, I lack the patience to read all the replies.

The thing I found that worked the most(when we were still able to have sex, I'm not complaining pregnancy is a wonderful thing just a minor...delay) when she began to show interest in me early in the evening(she has this thing about only having sex at night) I would play on it. I would go over and sit with her on the couch hold her close, possibly rub her back or her shoulders. The trick is to keep the flame burning. I have found just by being sweet and loving to her that sex occurs much more often. Understand though most people with children and hectic work schedules have sex only once a week if they are lucky. Remember the love and respect you have for your Wife, and you will continue to have a respectable and regular sex life. Enough preaching though I wish you luck and happiness.:cool:

hoky is right
 

Hoky hit the nail on the head.

Plan a quiet night just for the two of you. Hey, a weekend would be even better, if you can swing the sitter.

Be attentive to her needs. One of the 7 habits of highly effective people is to understand before you can be understood.

When you do finally get your wife alone, DO NOT MAKE SEX THE OBJECTIVE. Of course it is the desired outcome, but it's the intimacy that you really need. It may figuratively kill you, but keep up the foreplay with no end in sight. It's all about the foreplay. In fact, it shouldn't be <b>fore</b>play, it is really just <b>play</b>. She'll get to a point where she won't be able to stand it and she'll have to have it. When the act is finally and ultimately consumated, return to play. Caress her and let her feel the afterglow with you.

Hopefully that will swing the pendulum back in the direction you need it. You simply need a big course correction right now.

I hope this helps my friend. Good luck.

here's an idea
 

i didn't read all the posts -- so hopefully i'm not repeating. but couldn't pass the chance to offer some serious advice. (as someone who recently divorced after 17 years of marriage) i don't presume to speak for all women, but i'll tell you what friends of mine have told me...

women love sex. every bit as much as men do. we would love to feel desired, and sexy. but helping us feel that way has less to do with what you do IN the bedroom, and more to do with what you do OUTSIDE the bedroom. do you leave your socks laying on the floor? never pick up after yourself? never help her with the kids? all of that turns into additional work for her. Easing her workload ... trust me, i know it doesn't sound like the right answer but it is.. will help. it's hard to feel sexy when you're exhausted and resentful.

i'm talking about a change in attitude, not an instant fix. hell, might start this way: hire a maid for a day, take her out somewhere nice for dinner, have an adult (interesting, not sexual) conversation....trust me, it will lead to something further.

if that doesn't help, might also consider a trip to the doctor...hormones have a way of messing with your head.

good luck hun.

and....to hoky
 

hun - you're a smart one. you've figured out the secret.

your wife is lucky to have you. :)

I too have been married about 5 years, seems that i am not alone in my sexual deprevation, its nice to know some other guys can feel my pain, seriously the comments and suggestions may come in useful

Ditchpig, sounds exactly like my problem

Just some thoughts
 

Does your wife know and approve of you being on sites like this one? Alot of people can become ( I'm not sure of the right word) unhappy, defensive, feeling like you are cheating on them when they find out about viewing material like this.

If that isn't an issue try reading romance novels to her. Mrs Diver likes hard core stories sometimes but she is always in the mood for a romance novel. Give J.D. Robb or Nora Roberts a try. To make it even more effective get rid of the kids, draw a nice bubble bath and read to her while she is soaking.

:confused: i have every one of you beat. My wife and I have sex every 2 years or so!!!!!!!!!!! that's right. you heard me. she is a total freak. She will not get help with this problem. You see, she was raped 20 years ago and never dealt with it. She blames me for every thing and is a total controle freak. I'm pissed and I'm confused. I'm taking care of my needs (when i am alone) but I think I'm getting too much proctice. If only she knew how often I desire her (every minute) maybe she would get the help she deserves.
I am rockslab and I have no sex.

Try A Nice Romantic Evening
 

nothing expensive. Just suprise her one night, she comes home to a dimly lit house a home cooked candle light dinner and u in a tux or suit. Flowers are always a plus if u can afford em. And always remember to keep things new in the sack. Variety is the spice of life.

ClassyDJ:cool: