How do you cope with your fears?
 

Probably you have read already somewhere that I am working on my divorce. I have a problem with myself on all that.
I am scared. Yesterday there were waiting many little jobs to do for me, but I couldn´t. I ran away. I ran away to my little refuge Pixies, just not to be exposed to the tasks of the real life.
Today I woke up and knew, today I HAVE to do it. But I wanted to run away. These intentions to flee are so strong that it happens that I am thinking it is easier to commit suicide than doing my works. I am scared, I am running away.
I know a strategy that helps: Viewing the tasks, and to find out the worst case what can happen. Then face the facts. And from that point do everything to get the best result.
But sometimes it is difficult. Like yesterday and today. I am falling back to my old behaviour.

What are your best strategies for dealing with your fears?

(((((((German Steve))))))))

I know this has been a really hard time for you but there will be a resolution to it all. Fear can become paralyzing if you allow it to. You can fall into the cycle of promising yourself to do something, not doing it, feeling bad about your self for not doing it, trying to feel better so you promise to do it tomorrow and the cycle goes on and on. If it has come to a point where it has you feeling so bad that suicide seems easier then I think you need to speak with a doctor or professional who can help you. They can hellp you develop a plan to combat the anxiety you are feeling. I care about you and want you to feel good about yourself and your life.......

The only other way I know is to break the cycle by facing the fears. Just do it......don't think about it (makes you just dread doing it)... just attack it and put it behind you! (((hugs)))

Fears all have to be faced at one time or another GS, and I wish you luck with yours. However, the key to surviving them is to not let them rule you or to let you become to soft or hard after you have defeated them. Whatever will happen, will happen. Life at some point will go on, I know that may sound harsh, but anyone can take on anything.

Good vibes to ya bud.

i know that this sounds corney but i have faith in something (not sure what) that if i walk through and do my best i can come out the other side. someone once told me the opposite of fear is faith. if fear is paralyzing work on faith. faith in yourself, life, friends, family or even something from the vast beyond lol. as long as you trust enough to take steps you'll get somewhere.

Hey Bud, hang in there. Nobody or nothing is worth ending it all. I caught hell during my divorce as well. In fact at one point our workplace nurse (and dear friend) lined me up for counciling. As it turns out that was the best move made. We worked through a lot of the anguish and fear. Nowadays my biggest abnormality is being a Pixies perv. I can handle that one. LOL If I can help in any way let me know friend. Best wishes and prayers for Ya too.

GermanSteve, I do think Lilith is right ... dive and do what has to be done. We'll be thinking of you and offering up our good thoughts that things will work out okay.

Thank you all :), I am ok for today. And you are right, as soon as I can I will look for professional help. Just for my conditions of work it won´t be possible immediately.
Today I did what was possible, and it was the main part of the jobs.
*deep breathe*
But if anybody has another tip... please post it, everything is appreciated.

GermanSteve;

I feel for you, fella! I'm going through a divorce myself right now, and I know how crappy it makes you feel even if it's friendly-ish, as ours is.

You may know already that I am a Psychiatric Nurse by profession, and I have also suffered very badly from depression in the past - to the extent of being 3 feet from the edge of an 80 metre cliff... so I have a fair idea of where you are.

My best suggestion to you is a combination of what has been said already - yes counselling, and probably some form of medication, is a good first step, as is taking your fears by the balls, and just ripping those fuckers right off! The main thing though, is to re-learn to like yourself again..... it's pretty obvious (to me) that you don't like YOU very much right now ~ I don't know the story of your break-up (I'm sorry) but part of this self-hate seems to be because you come here to "escape" real life.. DON'T! Everybody that comes here, does so for their own reasons, as you know better than I do I'm sure, and I'm sure more than one is taking the opportunity to hide from Something for a little while. I found Pixies just after my own break-up, and stayed.... why'd you think THAT was??

The most encouraging thing from my point of view is ~ you recognise what you're doing and why, and that is a rare thing, believe me! If you can still do that, things aren't going to be quite as tough as they could be (I know you probably don't want to hear that, but it IS a fact)

The only other thing I can think of is, try to get out and do some HARD physical exercise. It might be pretty hard to motivate yourself at first, but it DOES make you feel a bit better (endorphins and other natural chemicals ~ isn't Ma Nature wonderful?!)

Hang in there friend... "may the force be with you".

DM


P.S. If you have questions/concerns about any kind of treatment or therapy you're offered, PM me.... I'll help out all I can.

DM

Dear Steve,

I've known you to be a sensitive person and I know you are in a lot of pain lately. I'm so glad you shared your problem with us. It can be very therapeutic to talk things over. Get them out so you don't feel you are carrying the burden alone. We can give you advice and we can listen and we can be here whenever you need us......but you said so yourself, you are hiding from your fear here and that's not the best thing to do when you have thoughts of suicide. Suicide may seem (at the worst times) to be the only solution to you. It's actually the absolute worst solution! It's no joke when they say, "tomorrow's another day". And if you weren't here you wouldn't know what that day held for you! It could be the best day of your life.....but you wouldn't be here to know that! Yes, of course, it could another day just like the last.....but it is one more day closer to a means to an end.

You are not always going to be in this situation. Life ALWAYS has ups and downs. If it didn't.....how would we ever know what good was if we never had bad to compare it to? Not one single person on this planet has a "perfect" life free of the bad things that get us down. No one does! Some have worse things happening to them than you or I will ever experience. But when we let fear overcome us and shadow our perspective as to the fact that it can't always be like this.....depression sets in....and that's the time when we NEED professional help!

I know money can be a problem situation for you right now......but don't neglect yourself for lack of money! There must be clinics that can provide a therapist for a nominal fee or even free. I don't know how that works for you where you are but I know that a phone book and some cross referencing could help you find the help you need. Maybe even the clergy at a church near you. They might direct you to a place that helps people in your situation. A hospital might help you get in touch with someone who's fees are within your means. Whatever the case DON'T neglect yourself at this time hun! Your fears and anxieties are real and you NEED help coping with all that has come down on you lately! There is NO shame in asking for help. There IS cowardice and shame in suicide. No one has ever looked back at a family member or friend and said, "Yes, he did the right thing in his case. I feel good that _______ did what he did to spare us watching him in pain. I'm glad he didn't go for help because now he would be around and happier than me". *Some things will just never be spoken.*

Sorry for the preaching Steve..........I just care about you and I don't want you to NOT care too! So.......go get that telephone book or call that local hospital and ask for help hun! You deserve it and you need it and we want you around here for a long time!

*hugs n more hugs*

P.S........PM me anytime if you need a shoulder.

All,
I am sitting here crying but smiling again. I just want to tell you that I am very busy now. I will have to contact my lawyer in Spain and send him lots of information. This being busy helps me a bit standing every single day. It is a pity that I am working in another town 200 km away from here and therefore cannot meet my therapist here.
Let me say thank you very much to everybody.

All texts are read and welcome just two remarks:

DM ~ one year ago I bought an axe for physical exercise (to remove my aggressions). It worked. I think I should get it out and visit the nearest woods again.

Lixy ~ the thought about the family´s reaction is a good one. TY!

Grrrrrroup hug!

Stefan

>>>HUG<<<

Exercise is good! :)

Busy is good! :)

Feeling even a "teeny" bit better is excellent!!:D

Gauyerselson, as we say in Scotland!

DM



{Just so you know, I don't usually do the "hug" thing!}

DM

GermanSteve---I know it sounds corny,but suicide is a permanent
solution for a temporary problem.I have found that the only way to face your fears is to confront them,head on! Irish
P.S.Use the motto that I have used."A quitter never wins and a
winner never quits."It sounds simple but it works.Good Luck!

I have been working almost all night on the briefing for my lawyer. I can see that my wife really wants to destroy me. But I am still breathing. Not feeling very good but I cannot do more about it.

A winner never quits. Thank you for this phrase, Irish.

Stefan

guaranteed fear-killers: absinthe, mescaline, and bestiality porno. mix the three and fear'll shit itself, ironically enough, in terror. look into it.

Been there, done that....
 

All great thoughts shared here but just one more to add...

time.

I think TIME often is the only solution..just being patient and waiting for your fears to lessen.

When you get low come back and re-read people's replies to you. When I've hit some low points, I let people know and their kind and personal words to me helped a great deal.

*hugs*

Steve,

All of the above.

Just adding that there is shit that must be shovelled before you can settle

back and relax. Don't let it scare you. It's just another of life's little

fun things like dentists and exams. Seem huge at the time, but time puts

them in their place.

Most of all, don't take it personally. Smile sweetly and forget it.

Silky: LOL

RG: I have a time plan, I cannot wait. But after the case I will calm down.

OF: I strongly hope it is less than it seems


Stefan

Steve, just wanted to say "hang in there". I've been through the divorce thing and I can honestly say it gets better as time goes on. So again "hang in there", my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Today I woke up with new fears. This is the worst. Not even start the day relaxed...
As I read the news from my lawyer I can say now the conditions of the divorce are becoming worse for me.

Can you tell me how a person can want to DESTROY another one that has not done more than defending himself against attacks of the other?
I´m completely fucked :(:(:(:mad: :confused: :whiteghos :eek:

GS---I can tell you from the experiences of my daughters divorce
that lawyers sometimes cause more problems then there are!
My youngest daughter& her ex-husband,figured that they would
get a moderator instead of a lawyer because they agreed on the
same things.WRONG!They say that the closest thing to love is hate!They proved it!Maybe this will help:
Q:A skunk&a lawyer were both run over at different spots.
How can you tell which was which?
A:The skunk has skid(brake)marks,in front of it! Irish
P.S.I had an older riding buddy,who was a lawyer by profession.
He told me that lawyers tell opponents anything.
9times out of 10,the people believe them because they're a lawyer and lawyers always tell the truth.(Bullshit)

Dear Steve,

I don't know exactly to which you speak when you say you are "completely fucked"......but try and remember that "IT IS ALWAYS DARKEST BEFORE THE LIGHT". This means that when it seems it is at the lowest, worst part of any particular time.......better times are coming and really soon because it couldn't possibly get any worse than it is. Makes sense too because if there is up, then there must be down and vice versa! "TO EVERY ACTION, THERE IS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION". It may not seem like it today.........but better times are coming Steve. It's a scientific fact!

*hugs* Hang in there sweetie......I know it's tough, but please hang in there. No one can destroy you completely if you don't let them!

Yes, it will go up again. Oh how much I wished it would be off already...
Perhaps the cause of the fears is the fantasy about the future. Because I do not know the future, the brain starts telling me stories.

She can take everything... but I won´t give her the victory over me. Already this is worth survive it.

Steve I know your a Good individual and have always been very Sincere. I hope that you can see through this and FACE YOUR FEARS HEAD ON. Lifes experiences are cruel and no one said it would be easy. As good a person as YOU are facing it up front is my hope for you. If you continue to torture yourself all that can come of it is HURTING the Ones that truly Love You and I really hope you'll not do that. I'm here for you if you need to talk.....................my one and only divorce almost devastated my health and Life.......................but through it all I maintained and was able to bring myself back from the Depths that are so easily grasped. Chin up my friend................You have friends here. ;)

You've got IT! That's exactly right Stefan! "Everything" she takes.......can be replaced.....eventually! But she can't take you! Or your spirit! Don't let her see you sweat! Be as strong as you can now...........it's almost over!

The fantasy you see.......the stories your brain is telling you.......that is your future! Let it flow! Ride this wave......and all the waves she sends you. When you finally come down from that wave.......and land on the beach............then you can relax and look back and say, "I made it! She couldn't take me down. I am still here......breathing and smiling. Today is the first day of the rest of my life!"

Hang on Steve!.............NO ONE knows the future..........we just know that the future is there for us to get to!

*hugs*

*more hugs*

*and more hugs*

TYVM Qisath and Lixy :):):)

HUGZZZZ! Stefan

P.S.....Steve?

Your sig. ?

Bob Marley?

Great tunage hun!

Lixy: :)
-------------------
Today I have made an experience about suicide. It gives me a new point of view.
I heard about the granddaughter of some neighbours of my parents that she committed suicide some years ago. I didn´t tell it to my parents, but... she was my first secret love at secondary school :(:(:(
My feelings are a BIG sadness about it. From time to time I thought, how she might be, and I had the wish to see her again. And now that.
When I imagine now being in her place... people thinking about me in this way... oh no, I do not want that.
Thinking now about it: How much would I like to help her, how much would I have tried to give her support, how much I would like to take her into my arms. But it is too late. Nothing I can do. Nothing.
I do not want that. No.

Stefan

Oh Stefan,

Such sad news hun! I am so sorry you have to experience this on top of everything.

It is said there is a reason for everthing and to everything a season and a time. I can only assume that the revelation of suddenly finding out that your first love had comitted suicide is a clear message directed to you. It's not a coincidence that you stumbled upon this knowledge at this particular point in you life.

You could have found this out long ago , when your feelings of wanting to see her were beckoning you to her. But you didn't then. And just when you needed a sign.......a realization that life IS worth living and that the pain would be gone for you but those you left behind would suffer, you discover that exact emotion in the loss of your first love. Coincidence? I think not Stefan!

I am so sorry for your loss hun! I wish I could help you through the pain in some way. I think the best I can do is say that she must have known your feelings on some level to have this knowledge fall to you in your time of need of inspiration. Take this as a true sign that you are meant to go on and that there is light at the end of the tunnel for you!

*hugs n hugs again*

Perhaps her death was good for something then :rolleyes: :( :o

TY Lixy :)

Hugs, Stefan

GS... Hugs hun.. I wish I could say or do more that would help in easing your pain.. I know that what you are going thru is proving to be extremely difficult and heart breaking... I assure you.. that when all of this is behind you... you will stand under the blue sky with a deeper appreciation for those who truly love you. HUGS..

Her soul has touched yours Steve and that will live with you forever. And everyone who you touch in this world will be touched because of her. Live a good life for yourself and other and you will honor her.:)

YVW Steve!

Smile at least once today! Keep talking with us.........and sooner than you realize.......this will all be behind you!

*hugs*

This was a stressing week, and I had days I was really feeling sick for the divorce´s stress. Now I have probs with my lawyer, hope I can repair that.
Oh damn divorce! With all that I cannot recommend to anybody getting married. At least not here or in Spain. And I need to say if you have the slightest doubts your partner you want to get married with might not be ideal, better say no and enjoy being friends.

Jenna, Lilith and Lixy, you are very nice :). And I´m happy being around again.

I need the prayers and good vibes of everybody. Wish me luck and power.

HUGS, Stefan

Stefan,

Another day gone by. Another day closer to an end to all this hardship! Please remember this.......I promise.......it does get better!

I never lie!

Try and think this way........At some point in my day I will smile for some reason.......and I will feel good again, if but for only a moment..........and I will remember this feeling until I feel it again......later today.....or, if not, then tomorrow! But I WILL feel the good feeling again!

*double hugs for missing a few days here*

Thank you Lixy :)
I need this way of thinking very much. The day I will see my wife again (and hopefully my daughter) after all that time is on February 3rd, and this imagination means a lot of mental stress for me. Big tension.

Today I had an experience that showed me what the difficulty is on dealing with my fears. That´s because it is more than fears. It is PANIC. And in this moment it is very difficult thinking clearly. But you have shown me the techniques, and I will try to give my very best.

All we can do is try and do our best Stefan! No one, even yourself, can ask for any better than that!

If you find yourself starting to panic......sit back, relax, breathe deep and try and remember....this WILL NOT go on forever! Think of a moment that was good.......the one that made you smile in spite of yourself........and remember that there will be more and more times like this sooner than never.

When you do see your wife again in February......try and remember that this is the day that brings me closer to an end to all of this stress..........instead of thinking that this is the day that I am going to be so much more stressed. Think of that day as another cog in the wheel that is turning towards a better future for you......a future free of your wife and your stress and your panic.

If you can just think of it as another day closer to freedom......instead of thinking of the day of the meeting as a day you are going to dread....it will be more bearable for you. And if your daughter is there.....the less stress you feel, the less she will pick up on and the better the long awaited meeting will go.

I'll keep you close in my thoughts on February 3rd and please just try and remember.......there are always people here that care about you and want to help in anyway we can.

You are going to be ok Stefan........I know it seems hard to believe now.....but you ARE going to be ok! I don't think we ever face challenges that we aren't strong enough to handle. We just have to see them through even when we feel like giving up......and when all is said and done, we learn that we are stronger than we knew.....and the pride from that revelation is worth the struggle!

Thank you very much, Lixy.
Strange - now, because I did not get any news from my lawyer recently, and I have the ticket to go to Spain already, I start feeling rather ok. I cannot say I am well prepared for that case - but I will go and stand it.

It is good knowing that there are people thinking about you :)

Thank you all, keep your fingers crossed!

HUGS Stefan

fingers crossed GS

TY BIBI :)

I have been talking to my bank about my financial future. It´s gonna be more than disastrous. Damn marriage! I wonder what for was all that effort. I am paying a very high price for that lesson.
I think I need a miracle! Does anybody have a miracle left for me?
OMG this can´t seriously be the true life....