Peculiar Personals
 

Just idea - Thought it might be fun to make each other laugh when the most off the wall personals we could think to create. Only rule is that you:

Have to use the last word of the person who wrote the personal before you.

>>> Single Albino male seeks red-eyed companion for stamp licking and scabplay. Familiarity with kitty litter brands and an openness to living in small confined spaces a plus . Must be a Steve Guttenberg fan!

>>> Fan of Mongolian throat music seeks herd animal for light bondage over long distances. Two or more humps a plus. Come and share my yak milk.

Milk ladden momma seeks a good little boy who still likes to breastfeed. Wants someone who's not afraid to get a spanking when he's bad and isn't afraid to go around the house all day in his diaper.

and I think this is a really cute idea for a thread... thanks

*laugh ... awesome Nicole. Made me laugh out loud*

>>> Diaper fetishist looking for a naughty nursemaid who can burb and clean baby. Will keep you up ALL NIGHT LONG (with my crying). Wet naps a must.

Must you spank me so hard? Professional male looking for a woman that knows what I need and is not afraid to give it to me. Scars a plus!

Plus size potential women need only apply. Fatty-loving man looking for a woman to feed until immobile. I've got the food bib, just need the babe. I like to start with a blank canvas, so no fatties please!

Please call me, looking for anything with a penis. Woman seeking man, not picky, no standard, just please come put it in me!!!

>>> Me: A 35-year-old into Dungeons and Dragons, indoor games and asthema medication. You: A Lara Croft geek babe eager to teach me to use my magic wand. Must be willing to sneak into my basement window to avoid Mother. Stop reading over my shoulder Mother ... stop it ...

It would seem I would never write a personal, but here I am a lonely housewife wating for some one who likes classical music, long walks, good books, fine wine, loves laughing, pets, long talks, RV ing, sailing, gardening, cooking, oooooooh and sex

>>> Sex-less love? Recent eunuch seeks platonic marriage with non-sexual sister-type. We can go shopping together, do each other's hair and go antiquing. Must be into body mortification and skin cutting,

:rofl: you people just aren't right! I like that about you tho lol

(I am loving this game :D )


Cutting, biting, spanking, nipple pulling. I want a man that can Dom me like the little slut I am. Come on Baby, what are you waiting for? Your playtoy is waiting for you. :lurv:

You have only had the rest...it's now time for the best!
If you like to walk hand in hand on the beach and share romantic moments curling up in front of a blazing fire. If you are looking for a soul mate and someone to grow old with and share wonderful family times.........DON'T CALL ME!
Just seeking pure unadulerated sexual escapades with a few boytoys!

Boytoys Wanted: Only interested in finding a man who can perform on command, please me at any and all times, and doesn't mind to live in the damp cold basement. Prefer a man who will stay chained to the wall at all times.

TIME to shake what your momma gave ya. $$$ Established part-time photographer looking for sexy girls to model for $$$ Published pics on skanksonfilm.com, thecumming.com and CaptSmut.com. Bring tequila, some condoms and an unsigned check. This year my studio, next year Hustler.

Hustler Needed: profesional working girl looking for man who knows how to make top dollar off of his women, has his own corners, and will put his pimp hand down whenever someone doesn't pay upfront. Hat with oversized feather required.

Required: Steady hand and a steel stomach. Quadriplegic invalid with scabies looking for a live-in caregiver/sensual masseuse who can take care of my medical needs and rub my remaining appendage. Swallowing not required ... need only your shots, astro-glide and rubber gloves.

Glove wearing dominatrix in need of a boot-licking subordinate who doesn't mind a little pain.

Pain is fleeting: Let our hearts be joined in the radiant teachings of The Bob. New religion looking for members to follow Bob as he shows us how to escape the bounds of this realm and follow him in the Mothership to our new kingdom on planet CRZY-8. Please bring a will, a jumpsuit, some gelding shears, and the Kool-Aid of your choice.

Married Family Man seeks public humiliation at the hands of someone other than his own children. Pink tu tu, rickshaw and bullwhip not out of the question.

"Question Creator" needed for bondage magazine crossword puzzle. Must be able to communicate while bound and gagged.

Gagged is how I want to be when swallowing your big, fat cock. If you have more then the average Joe and like a woman that can give you her all then give me a call. ;)

Call me if you're looking for a good time. 76y/o SF seeking young stud to come and put it on (grand)momma. He's gotta be good with a bedpan, walker, and his tongue.

Tongue Enthusiast here..looking for women with extremely long tongues that will be able to lick my entire body in a few laps and be able to down a bottle of ketchup in 10 seconds(one of my big turnons :D). Also would be interested in a woman doctor friend that is able to write out phony prescriptions to aid my everlasting drug abuse problem. Fantastic lover in bed.....if i'm not wasted out of my Mind!

Mind control scientist seeking Manchurian candidate, must be open to cross-pollenating with herbal roots - you bring the ski poles & WD-40, I'll bring the shaved koala

Koala bear hairy is the way I want my man. I am looking for me a real jungle boy who isn't opposed to swinging from the chandliers to romping in the great outdoors with this hot lady who never met a tree she couldn't climb or man of fur she couldn't tame.

Horny housewife looking for a postman who will deliver orgasms in about 60 seconds while he is dropping off the mail. Please call me to ensure that my 6'11" 300 pound hubby is not home and that the pit bull is tied up.

Hmmmmmmmmm from tame to horny??.........oh well....lol..continuing on with last word....which was UP


Upscale utility man.....experienced in all facets of home and lifestyle repair,seeking additional work in refurbishing items in disrepair.The satisfaction starts when the initial stripping is performed and is completed when the last coat is sprayed on.Call for appointment

Opps...forgot about the last word

Appointment wanted with lesbian that likes to go to bars and make love in washrooms, movie theaters, elevators as well as other places we can dream up together. You are a very sensitive person, who will meet my needs but only for short term relationship. :69:

Relationships are passe. Blind, death and dumb octagenarian man looking for someone for carnel love. No words, no date, no getting to know, just getting inside you. Hurry before I die. If you'd like, we can include in the fun my guide dog.

Dog lover wanted for professional dog walker. Must love long walks in the park, playing fetch and having his belly rubbed. Ideally I am looking for that special breed of man that can lick his own dick and treat me like the bitch in heat that I am.

Am I crazy? Did we share something in that Starbucks last week on 2nd? I was the tall gangly bespeckled boy with a copy of Rimbaud's A Season in Hell and piercings covering my face. You were the gray-haired matron reading The South Beach diet and drinking herbal tea. Eyes meet, winks exchanged. Let's make our own version of Harold and Mode ... emoIsme@passionlesspain.com is my e-mail.

E-mail love is the only way to go in my book. How would like to get a hot, steamy e-mail from a sister. Yes I am a nun but I still have temptations. If you have had visions of a habit wearing lady who spends hours on her knees, has taken a vow of silence and can brew a mean bottle of beer then drop me a line at,onehornysister.com I can't wait to hear from you sexy. ;)

You sexy thing! I saw you staring at me across the lounge. Was it my polyester leisure suit that caught your eye? Or the bulge just below my white patent leather belt? ;) Sound like a match? Let's make terrible music together!

Together..you and me on a plastic sheet. Must be into food fetish!! Bring the pudding and make me scream!!

scream at me, tie me up, and do with me as you please. I am seeking a man who knows what he wants, and also knows how to make me give it to him. Virgin, spinster librarian in need of a dominant man who can bring out the wild side in me. I've read the kama sutra, and can do well over 1/2 the positions. Just need a man who is willing to make a deposit.

Pent up saver who is looking for a woman he can turn upside-down and use as money box

I'll use last word from last two post's....

DEPOSIT BOX...is empty, needs contributing beneficiary for long trem investment of hot steamy sex and play.

Hopeless romantic needs someone to fuck that useless notion out of my head. Used and abused but willing to learn new tricks.

Tricks you say? Well let me take these dentures out and I'll show you a trick that will make your eyes roll back in your head!! Call me now at 1-800-SUK-HARD!