...is the place to be!


I never drink alcohol....

... except in big gulps or through straws. :yikes:

Tomorrow is always the best time ...

....for something you've been putting off since last month.


Preventative car maintenance is....

Preventative car maintenance is ... is especially helpful if you only knew what to prevent.

A kiss is worth ...

...nothing if the kiss-ee slobbers


A bird in the hand is worth...

A bird in the hand is worth... nothing....... but a hand in your bush is priceless

Rainy days like Sundays.......

....make you realize why God needed to rest on the 7th day


Sleeping like a baby is over-rated...

Sleeping like a baby is overrated espcially when you have a diaper full of shit an empty bottle and jammys that cover your hands so you cant grasp anything.





Do yourself and the world a favor

Do yourself and the world a favor....become a lesbian. ;)


Exercise is good for your health...

Exercise is good for your health, ... it keeps several chiropractors and doctors gainfully employed.

There's nothing like a paycheck ...

There's nothing like a paycheck...It reminds you of how worth it it is to wake up each morning.


Voicemail is great...

Voicemail is great ... unless you've lost your voice. :yikes:

I love heavy snowfalls ...

I love heavy snowfalls ... As long as they are in Illinois!

Christmas parties with the boss are a delight ...

Christmas parties with the boss are a delight ... since she'll likey have a new honey-do list ready for me. :)

Visiting friends at Christmas ...

Visiting friends at Christmas...reminds me why I'm a loner.


I love thong underwear...

I love thong underwear...when it starts irritating the anus.

I love to meet new people ...

I love to meet new people...as long as it's only pictures of them!


She has a beautiful body...

She has a beautiful body ... and she'll be the first to tell you that.



I am looking forward to work tomorrow ....

I am looking forward to work tomorrow ... which, thank heavens, never comes.

I love hot temperatures ...

I love hot temperatures ...it prepares me for what's to come if I don't behave myself!

I always do the right thing...

I always do the right thing... at the wrong time!

Well don't you just smell.........

Well don't you just smell.........like a bouquet of roses-four days AFTER the funeral!

If you don't learn about life now...

If you don't learn about life now... try, try AGAIN!

If she likes it.............

If she likes it.............she MUST be doing it with someone besides me!

I enjoy all types of sex...

I enjoy all types of sex... even sex with you!

OK, open wide and say............

OK, open wide and say ... "Keep your mouth shut."

Happiness is for everyone ...

Happiness is for everyone ...except for that lusty1.:(

I'm always happy...

I'm always happy, idiot!

Don't worry......

Don't worry......something bad is bound to happen!


I have all the luck in the world...

I have all the luck in the world... some of it good.

You smell like.......

You smell like....teen spirit-right after gym class!


Sex is always the best...

Sex is always the best...mood stabilizer!

You know she wants it when....

You know she wants it when...she's breathing!


If it's hard...

If it's hard... then you need to study more.

When she's wet........

When she's wet...you can almost bet it's been raining.


If it's Monday....

If it's Monday.... and rainy, gets me down.......

You know you're a redneck..............

You know you're a redneck...if you don't see the humor in redneck jokes.


I'd never have a one night stand...

I'd never have a one night stand... you're kidding, right?

She had skin like..........

She had skin like..........a baby-----Shar-pei, that is!!!

Do unto others...

Do unto others........... before they beat you to it!

Light kisses from her lips...........