Don't you like the way he eats everything on his plate ... like the knife, fork and spoon?

Don't you love it when someone farts in an elevator?

i love smelling some else's anal vapor as much as i love drinking from my toilet!

I love it when i laff so hard that i snort

I love it when i laff so hard that i snort because it can disguise all those other noises I'm making.

Running out of gas is neat ...

Running out of gas is neat when you are on a busy street and everyone wants to stop and help you

I always stop to help someone with a broken car because

I always stop to help someone with a broken car because ... the thrill of finding a thief is too much to pass up.

Sex is just about the dullest activity of any ...

Sex is just about the dullest activity of any ...so dull, in fact, that just thinking about it makes me want to take a nap.


I so adore bubble baths....

I so adore bubble baths .... because they help conceal the ring around the tub.

I try to avoid fatty foods ...

I try to avoid fatty foods .... and they never find my belly

I am so looking forward to my next doctor's appointment ...

....after all, it's the only action I get every year! :D

I especially love the gynecologist...

cause nothing says comfort like waiting 40 minutes with only a paper towel on my legs.

i can't wait for the next election...

... so we can vote in a new group of leaders (don't we just love change?)

I will most likely say no to my S/O the next time they want to snuggle because ...

I will most likely say no to my S/O the next time they want to snuggle because ... it's a sin to waste time when we can just get right at it.

My S/O just told me not to expect to get lucky tonight ...

OOOOHHHHHH Yeah....same as it ever was....
"Your not gettin any honey"...like clockwork...9:10pm every freakin night

My s/o really loves it when I wake her at 3 am for sex

My s/o really loves it when I wake her at 3 am for sex...so I said, "Would you rather I wake you at 3 a.m. to do this year's income taxes?"

My favorite vacation retreat is Siberia...

Siberia...a veritable winter fuckin wonderland....can't get enough of that Siberia

Cancun blows

Sure, who would ever want to go to a sunny, warm beach where women are running around in skimpy bikinis. YUCK!!!!!

Two weeks of SuperBowl hype is just sooooooo exciting!

Absolutely, in fact I wish it were 3 weeks long....the stories are so interesting and unique,I just can't get enough

I really need some more info on the Bus

What? You'd rather be hearing about Terrell Owens?

I sure like the warnings for medications that are given during TV commercials.

I love those warnings for medications. It really makes me want to dump all my money on something that will give me hair loss and a hump on my back.


Living with a teenager is such a joy.

Oh yes,especially when they get an attitude...don't ya just wanna grab 'em and give em a big hug....they're so cute in their teens

I wish my mother would ask me a few more questions when she calls me.

Yeah, you'd think she expected me to talk to her or something!

Exxon only made a profit of $36 billion last year.

Like how she is so sure I will be ok as long as I follow her every word of advice.


I enjoy filling out form after form of legal documents.

Especially when you know most of them exist only to keep the clerks busy until their coffee breaks.

I hate nudity.

especially the kind that arrives in my email box;)


Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Oh sure, staying away from tax forms for a year sure made me love it this year!

Camping is so erotic.

especially the fireant bites on my ass from adventure sex


The bigger they are the harder they fall

The bigger they are the harder they fall ... and the tighter the fit. :eek:

A rose by any other name ...

Bumpity bump bump bump.

a rose by any other name...is still a freaking shitty smelling rose


A stitch in time....

A stitch in time ... is no way to mend a clock.

We the people ...

We the people ...SUCK!!!

Give us your poor,your tired.......

Give us your poor,your tired ... moderators who don't actually come in and "edit" an entry they meant only to quote from. :(

(I'm sorry, osuche. I wash shocked to see your post change ... and felt bad when I realized I'd accidently done it. :( DB)

I dream of Genie ...

I dream of Genie ... with her light, sensitive touch and warm juicy lips ...

Now is the time ...

no its not

are you ever going to fix that

Are you ever going to fix that ... before it breaks and needs repair. :rolleyes2

You're as sharp as a tack ...

...that's only slightly bent. ;)


You smell like a bed of roses...

You smell like a bed of roses ... recently fertilized. :yikes:

You remind me of a long lost relative ...

...of course, there's a reason why I lost that relative.

Life is like a box of chocolates...

Life is like a box of chocolates...until it shows up on your already too big hips!


Summer storms make for a great.....

Summer storms make for a great ... picnic experience.

Shy, but naked, ...