Yeah, the brisk water really perks me up.

Eating about 5000 calories a day is a wonderful idea...

Yeah, I love seeing my belly grow.

Bills rock! I wish I had more!

That way I could really get more enjoyment out of bounced check fees.

My biological clock is ticking...

So, where's the blasted snooze alarm?

Sure wish the car would act up.

Yeah, the mechanic and I have a frequent visitor program.

Can't wait to go on another business trip...

So I can travel nights and weekends and work extra long days, what fun!

I can't wait until I get divorced

so I can make some other poor bastard as miserable as my current husband.


I like small cars...

because sex is such a free, relaxing experience inside of one.

A grapefruit is best when...

squeezed and diluted with vodka.


I think therefore

..I put my foot in my mouth


I like fast cars...

the speeding tickets keep me from accumulating enough wealth to retire.


If I were any happier...

Mickey Mouse would give me a blowjob.

Any more days like this and...

I'll have to have a picnic in the rain.

I love politicians ...

...just about as much as I love getting a root canal

Time is ticking away

... except, of course, when you have a digital clock. :rolleyes:

:D :D

Fried foods are great ...