WHAT? You mean you can't get your lazy butt up out of that chair and fix your own meal!!!!


Aren't you happy we're going to ballgame this weekend?

Oh yeah, I always get thrilled watching two young kids I don't know shooting a game of marbles.

How about a nice cold beer?

How about a nice cold beer? Sure, thats on my diet!!!


I can't wait to go work out!

I can't wait to go work out! Like unfolding the chaise lounge is a major challenge.

I'll be happy to work over ...

I'll be happy to work over your dead body!


Did you miss me?

Did you miss me? How can I miss you if you won't leave. :D

Get dressed now.

Get dressed now. It's time for the horror show to end.

Isn't Niagara Falls impressive?

I guess, if you like watching nature's fresh water urinal being flushed.

Life is like a bed of roses.

Life is like a bed of roses, covered in thorns and growing in shit!

What time do you want me to wake you?

Sure life is like a bed of roses...full of pricks. lol


All good things come to those who wait.

Yeah...good things like getting mugged waiting in line for the atm.

Procrastination is so productive.

Procrastination is so productive we need politicians to run on a platform of "more crastination in every legislative session." :rolleyes:

Give me a greasy spoon restaurant every time ...

Only thing better would have been to go alone.


I just love people.

Especially the obnoxious ones ... they add so much color to a get together.

Store clerks are such friendly people ...

Yeah, friendly like a snake.

I'm so glad I'm not rich.

All that money would really cramp my style.


I really love pets.

Especially the slithering and slimey ones. :)

I love getting mail.

Yeah, I really need another bill, I just hate seeing the surface of my desk.

I love playing guitar.

... especially tunes using the key of "Q"

I'm a real do-it-yourselfer.

Yeah because no one else will.


I just got to say you look great.

I just got to say you look great, that blue shirt really brings out the color in that black eye.

Broadband internet is really not all that great...

Broadband internet is really not all that great...although finding bands of broads on the internet would be.

Elections are so much fun ...

Elections are so fun....

Yeah fun like surgery.


I simply love to clean house.

I simply love to clean house ... so I pay the kids to make a mess each morning.

Cars are wonderful things ...

Cats are wonderful things...especially when deep fried with soy sauce.

OMG I SWEAR I DON'T REALLY MEAN IT! LOL

I love dentists.

I love dentists, esecially the ones that ask you all sorts of questions with their fingers entwined in your tonsils.

I think therefore I am.

I think, therefore I am a giant prick.

Feet tickle like

Every hour of every fucking day. I love it so much that I fill my shoes with feathers!

Bush is the worst president the united states has ever had.

Spoken by a true demorcrat.


I think that the next election will be interesting.

I think the next Election will be interesting, if we could vote Try Again


It only takes one--

Very true.......and then 6 million fuckers are experts on telling you where you went wrong



What's wrong with world peace

What's wrong with world peace ... is everyone wants it on their own terms. :(

Dinner's a favorite meal ...

dinner's a favorite meal so go cook it yourself!

Tea or coffee?

Aw, yes, tea or coffee, what a marvelous set of options for someone trying to buy a soda.

Temperance is terrific ...

Temperance is terrific... when you don't want to feel passionate about anything.


Kids are so good ....

Kids are so good .... sources of grandkids. :D

Fireworks are fun ...

Fireworks are fun ... if you like seeing your had fly 200 feet away from your body.


It's on the Internet so it's gotta be true.

it's on the internet so it's gotta be true.... and it said Cher's a natural blonde! :eek:

they use our taxes for such worthwhile projects...

they use our taxes for such worthwhile projects...like researching the earth worm and its mating habits.



Famous people live such wonderful lives.