So I can travel nights and weekends and work extra long days, what fun!

I can't wait until I get divorced

so I can make some other poor bastard as miserable as my current husband.


I like small cars...

because sex is such a free, relaxing experience inside of one.

A grapefruit is best when...

squeezed and diluted with vodka.


I think therefore

..I put my foot in my mouth


I like fast cars...

the speeding tickets keep me from accumulating enough wealth to retire.


If I were any happier...

Mickey Mouse would give me a blowjob.

Any more days like this and...

I'll have to have a picnic in the rain.

I love politicians ...

...just about as much as I love getting a root canal

Time is ticking away

... except, of course, when you have a digital clock. :rolleyes:

:D :D

Fried foods are great ...

...if you don't want to live very long.

I always take my vitamins...

they are especially good if you chew them.


I never eat junk food.....

unless I'm awake!


I never drink . . .

without a glass or a bottle in hand. :)

I love stormy weather ...

...especially when I am camping underneath the stars. It's electrifying.

I love it when my mom calls to yell at me...

... especially when I have a headache and upset stomach.

Wish I could mow the lawn ...

Because sneezing, wheezing and itching are three of my very favorite things to do!

Of course I trust you, dear.

...about as far as I can throw your 500 lb lying ass.

I love having sex in the missionary position...

but wish those missionaries had more enthusiasm for it. :)

I like watching birds ...

...particularly when I'm standing right beneath them.


Wasn't that the BEST vacation we ever took?

especially if you find dead grass interesting!!


Is'nt life Grand

Like the Canyon of the same name, a big muddy ditch.

Are we having fun yet?

yeah just like watching paint dry!

you mean you don't like it?

Of course, who wouldn't want to wallow in it and grunt like a pig?

How about a haircut?

Ok from the neck up ok?


You want large fries with that?

Oh, gee , I don't see how anyone could eat more that the 3 french fries that are in the medium order.


Wow, a holiday weekend coming soon.

Sure, like having the kids all out of school yelling and running wild all day is a holiday. :rolleyes:

How about a gourmet lunch?

Yes please I just love the taste of expensive crap.


Can I get you another?

Yeah, like there's nothing I like more than getting more stuff to store somewhere.

Wanna' go fishing?

Why? Have you got worms?

Do you want to dance

Why, is that where the worms went to? :D :D (JK)

Let's go out to the park.

Ok I enjoy being mugged.

Is that your child?

No, silly, it's a dog in diapers that learned to say, "Goo Goo!"

I love picture puzzles.

I suppose somebody has too!

Should we clean the car?

And miss the chance to get our clothes dirty?

How about lunch.

Oh, geez, I've tasted your cooking before...no freaking way!!!!


The Supreme Court makes such EXCELLENT decisions.

The Supreme Court makes such EXCELLENT decisions ... like ... well like ... ah ... er ... like a ... well ... decisions anyway.

What we really need is ...

What we really need is to to stop all this freaking sex, sex, sex, sex, sex....how can YOU people be such perverts!

:D


Wow, did I ever get lucky today!

Yep, totally lucky. I got to have Lean Cuisine for lunch!! Yummmmm


What a special afternoon I've got planned... housework!

What a special afternoon I've got planned... housework! It just doesn't get any better than that!

How about something to eat?