...that's only slightly bent. ;)


You smell like a bed of roses...

You smell like a bed of roses ... recently fertilized. :yikes:

You remind me of a long lost relative ...

...of course, there's a reason why I lost that relative.

Life is like a box of chocolates...

Life is like a box of chocolates...until it shows up on your already too big hips!


Summer storms make for a great.....

Summer storms make for a great ... picnic experience.

Shy, but naked, ...

...is the place to be!


I never drink alcohol....

... except in big gulps or through straws. :yikes:

Tomorrow is always the best time ...

....for something you've been putting off since last month.


Preventative car maintenance is....

Preventative car maintenance is ... is especially helpful if you only knew what to prevent.

A kiss is worth ...

...nothing if the kiss-ee slobbers


A bird in the hand is worth...

A bird in the hand is worth... nothing....... but a hand in your bush is priceless

Rainy days like Sundays.......

....make you realize why God needed to rest on the 7th day


Sleeping like a baby is over-rated...

Sleeping like a baby is overrated espcially when you have a diaper full of shit an empty bottle and jammys that cover your hands so you cant grasp anything.





Do yourself and the world a favor

Do yourself and the world a favor....become a lesbian. ;)


Exercise is good for your health...

Exercise is good for your health, ... it keeps several chiropractors and doctors gainfully employed.

There's nothing like a paycheck ...