....after all, it's not like I need the money for anything else!


The gas in this area is cheap....

...like I can afford a second mortgage for this month's gas bill!

I just love eating at McDonalds...

....because all those McCalories are my friends!

I love the high gas prices....

I love the high gas prices ... they make buying those bottles of water seem like a good deal.

I love getting cars worked on ...

I love getting cars worked on ...because I love putting the repairman's kids through dental school.

I love going to the dentist...

...because they have the best flavors of everything!

If I was a genie.....

If I was a genie.....like hell I'd ONLY want you to rub my lamp.


Oh my, could it be that Amtrack is late?

Oh my, could it be that Amtrack is late or are all the clocks just running fast?

I love facing problems in the early morning ...

I love facing problems in the early morning ... cause I am so happy to be awake!

Don't you love being woke up by the dogs barking every morning at 5am?

I knew I bought that slingshot for some reason.


Don't you like the way he eats everything on his plate?

Don't you like the way he eats everything on his plate ... like the knife, fork and spoon?

Don't you love it when someone farts in an elevator?

i love smelling some else's anal vapor as much as i love drinking from my toilet!

I love it when i laff so hard that i snort

I love it when i laff so hard that i snort because it can disguise all those other noises I'm making.

Running out of gas is neat ...

Running out of gas is neat when you are on a busy street and everyone wants to stop and help you

I always stop to help someone with a broken car because

I always stop to help someone with a broken car because ... the thrill of finding a thief is too much to pass up.

Sex is just about the dullest activity of any ...