There's nothing like celibacy ...thousands of years of Catholicism have shown it to be fool proof.


I'm going to start balancing my checkbook like the government does.

I'm going to start balancing my checkbook like the government does ... which is, well, it's, OMG ... how do they do that? :D

Supreme pizzas ...

Supreme pizzas ... are my local pizza parlor's way of making sure they get premium prices!


That blonde sure likes to toss her hair.

That blonde sure likes to toss her hair ... which is why a better glue was suggested.

Hardons are wonderful ...

Hardons are wonderful...for diverting other kids attention away from the math problem you're fucking up on the chalkboard!

A fresh cup of coffee...

A fresh cup of coffee... yeah more like the broth of Satan! hee hee

Chinese takeout

Chinese takeout is good as long as you don't stare at the ingredients for long.


Reality T.V. is just the best thing for.....

Reality T.V. is just the best thing for ..... entertaining commercial sponsors.

News shows are wonderful ...

News shows are wonderful ... if you have an affinity for murder, rape, and thievery


Reality TV is pithy and accurate....

only if you life revolves around watching reality TV.

do politicians really believe ......

Do politicians really believe the drivel the try to sell to the public.


Being married is a great way to....

Being married is a great way to.... avoid dating

Sexual frusteration never happens to me....

Sexual frustration never happens to me....just like cars never fail to start.

I can hardly wait for the next chance to go to work ...

I can hardly wait for the next chance to go to work... my boss was so calm when that 500-job order came in this afternoon.

Cleaning the aquarium is such a pleasant task...

Cleaning the aquarium is such a pleasant task...now that the fish have been toilet trained.

To be or not to be ...