problems fucking girlfriend

[mikus]

Here goes...

My girlfriend doesnt seem to have a very sensitive clit. We have sex alot, and she really enjoys it, but it can be quite hard for her to have an orgasm. We are both very open to one another, and always say if theres something we like or dislike. Although she can get a little stimulated with oral sex, she hasnt yet had an orgasm from it, and fingering doesnt seem to excite her at all. Theres really only a couple postitions that she can get off with. She say that she just doesnt feel much. I dont think this has so much to do with what I'm doing, although of course I take some responsibility for it. I've never had these problems (at least not to this extent) with other women. We are both very sexual people, and love doing all sorts of things. Its just frusterating for us both because its hard for us both to be pleased when having sex. We've even tried some sex toys, but none she has liked. She can get off masturbating, but even then its hard..she really has to concentrate.

Does anyone have some advice...or similar experiences?
l'd like to here.)

[Steph]

Patience is a virtue. Sometimes it takes me half an hour to reach orgasm through masturbation - I don't think I've ever timed it when I'm with someone ;)

You could read her erotica while she plays with herself. When you know she's getting hot and bothered, you could then take over with your tongue and fingers.

[mikus]

yeah, I've been slowly introducing her to some of these sites (like pixies place and literotica) and she really likes them. It was hard at first cause she really hates the typical porn stuff (and I do too...lame) but the sex stories really can get her hot.
We also like to talk dirty to each other, which help too.

But I think the problem might be more of a physical thing, like maybe her clitoris just isnt that sensitive. Sometimes she has orgasms when she really concentrates but I'm not sure if its through clitoral stimulation or if its just a mental orgasm (if thers such a think..I think there is though).

Keep the ideas coming!

[Ione]

what is it that they say...
the brain is the largest sex organ?
there have been reports, i personally can't verify them at all, that there are some women, though rare that can have orgasms from stimulation to the nipples.
how does that apply to you and your girlfriend? i don't know.
however
i know that i often have the same problem she does and i know for a fact that it is totally a mental thing for me. um its not that i don't love sex and think about it constantly but its really difficult to let go of rational thought for me.
practice though and relax. sometimes when my boyfriend is going down on me i start to worry that i'm taking too long or hes getting bored. and then forget it that makes it even worse.

i'm working on developing a whole new attitude about it. my new thought is that i deserve the attention and i better damn well get it. that has really helped :p
but like i said. most sex problems are in the head.

[sadora]

I know lots of women like this... is nothing strange. My first girlfriend was like that in fact.

Give her lots of time, maybe lick her while she is reading erotica. Let her know it's okay to take over if she feels she is getting close to orgasm. Also, some women get "numb" with too much clitoral stimulation, or if it is too much pressure. Maybe see if a lighter touch might work.
Hope this is helpful. Tell her lot's of women have this problem. she is lucky she can discuss it with you.

[nikanik]

Mental orgasms do exist and i think thats were most of mine come from. But try something that doesnt even seem sexual and it might work. Try body painting. Take different size paint brushes and some washable paints and write erotic poetry or something on each other. Its surprising how turned on itll get you exspecially if you read as you go.

[anythinggoes69u]

Try inviting a good mate and his "not shy" girlfriend,who are mutual friends to you both, round to your place. Plenty wine, then have your pre-asked mate take his girl to bed in the next room to you,on the pretext they are tired. You follow and , in bed next to your girlfriend,she then hears the sounds of sex with lots of loud moaning,lots of sexual language,now try kissing her, starting at her tits then work your way down, keep on circling her clit with your tongue while she is listening to another female getting the same,try and get her fully aroused in time for her to hear the other girl start shouting things like ohh fucking hell don't stop, faster, faster then she will know the other girl is close to orgasm,now concentrate your tongue running it as fast as you can over and over on her clit, then finally you will both hear the sound of loud screams of female orgasm, keep going, if she hasn't come it may be she NEEDS a cock,and she'll want it in fast and you'll need to give her a good fast hammering, this should take her past the point of no return. Let me know how you get on

[Oldfart]

The joys of sexuality, so I was lead to believe, were about having fun together.

It's not a contest to see who can have the biggest orgasms.

If you are in an honest and sharing relationship, don't try too hard to fix it,

because fixing something which isn't broken is the best way to break it.

If you put the energy you're spending in imposing your preconceptions

into just enjoying yourself with this lovely sharing lady, you'll be amazed.

[mikus]

I think thats one of the problems with my girl Ione,

She admits herself, that she gets too hung up on little things. Thinking too rationally. I think its just hard for her to 'let go' sometimes. Like, if I'm going down on her, she is more concentrated on looking at me (and then laughig at me.) instead on focusing on her own pleasure.
And no, she doesn't at all get excited if I suck/play with her nipples....They do get hard, but she doesn't feel much. Fucking hell, I could have my nipples sucked for days! Its the best!

Old Fart,
Thanks for the advice, but I don't think that I'm imposig my preconceptions here, and we do enjoy ourselves plenty. Things could be better though...for her. I'm just trying to make her happy, and I think I do for the most part, but theres always room for improvement.

[badlydrawnboy]

Depression can lead to a lessened orgasm or non at all. depression effects ur nervous system and whatever stimulates ur body. she might know it, but maybe she has a chemical imbalance which true depression is. does she seem down a lot?? it might run in her family, or maybe shes just not digging the sex.

could be many things. i'd say if she doesnt show much feeling, but knows that she used to and knows she is a sensitive person, to go to a doctor and see if its depression. anti-depressents make a world of difference in sexual pleasure.

just my 2cents...

[Nubian]

Originally posted by Oldfart
The joys of sexuality, so I was lead to believe, were about having fun together....

Couldn't have said it better myself. It's good to see that you're still around dispensing sage advice, as always, Oldfart.

[Belial]

Nubian, my man, you're on a posting frenzy! :eek:

[andrew]

Your right sex is as much as in the head as in the groin, fuck with your brain. Women and men can come through physical but they make love with all senses. She probably needs to feel protected, sensitive and valued befire she feel able to be open and vulnerable. We all need love and comfort, sex is just one part of that feeling, good luck and enjoy, as Ozymandias's tells us its all ver yquick stuff.

Panther

[Nubian]

Originally posted by Belial
Nubian, my man, you're on a posting frenzy! :eek:

'tis me nature. I've been away waaay too long and have all this pent up energy that needs release:D :D

[Lilith]

Can I help you with that release Nubian:D?

[Nubian]

Funny thing...you were the very person I had in mind Lilith:p :p . Just name the place...:D

[icecreamthighs]

all this is sooooooo familiar and must therefore be quite common,

its all about being satisfied by what satisfies us and then doing it somehow together.

How about a glass of something bubbly to relax with, a sensual massage, with lots of teasing then let her stimulate herself. If you get behind her like two spoons or in any positon where you can penetrate when she is ready and simply talk, kiss her caress her or let her see you play with yourself and finally penetrate her as she is reaching orgasm (hopefully this wont put her off her stride and with a bit of luck you could come together)

failing that - if you love her and she loves you and you both come together by some means then you are luckier than most - good luck :D :D

[Nubian]

Now, that's what I call a recipe for pleasure. ICT, Thou are a Godess!

[lixnlix69]

Just adding my two cents to the topic....For what it's worth I think badlydrawnboy has touched on an idea that might be of some help here.

And to elaborate further......not only can depression be a culprit but diagnosed depression and the medication used to treat it can cause sexual side effects as well. For that matter any prescribed medication may have sexual side effects! A chemical imbalance......whether it be non-diagnosed, diagnosed and treated with meds (maybe under or over the proper strength), or the taking of a drug to get high (too often or too much at once), whichever the case....can cause a problem sexually.

Now I am not saying that this is the case as I am not a medical professional. And I am not judging or accusing or assuming.........but these are all things that are common knowledge and should be investigated if the thought hasn't occurred to you and you have tried everything else to no avail! A doctor may be a great resort!

As I said...for what it's worth!

Mrs. Lix

[Mr. 3G]

There are a number of very good sites on the PCG muscle and things like Keigel exercises. Just a thought that maybe her muscle tone is poor and the clenching of the PCG muscles are what trigger an orgagsm.

Another thing you might try... I've been on the LIT board for a few months now and I posted a technique that I think has helped a lot of people achieve a GSpot orgasm even when clitoral orgasms are next to impossible. Lilith has copied some of my posts into THE TECHNIQUE here on the General Sex Talk board so maybe try that and see if you can stimulate her Gspot to orgasm.

I agree with the other posts ...orgasms are NOT the only thing when it comes to maing love but thay sure are the iciing on the cake. It becomes a REAL problem when one or both of you WANTS to orgasm and there is a problem achieving that. The GSpot orgasm just may be your answer. Let us know if it works. Good luck.