How much in common do you think you should have with your partner?

[Steph]

Hi all. It's my first thread but this has me stumped. I recently split up with a man I dated for a couple of months. He was the sweetest guy, we had lots of fun together but . . . I really don't want to sound like an elitist here but . . . he isn't well read and sometimes I find his humour juvenile.

So, I guess my question is, do you know in your gut if you've got enough in common or should people adapt?

Of course, the reason I'm asking is that I've been thinking of him the past few days and have held off from calling him but have a feeling I'll call tonight.

[souls_cry2000]

People should have common interests or at least be supportive of each other's interests. We are constantly adapting, so adapting to fit well with another person isn't really unheard of. It can be a good thing, as long as you don't lose the core of what it means to be you. Time can tell you if you have enough in common. Do you enjoy each others company? Do you treat each other with mutual respect? Is there honesty? Does the other person love you and have your love in return?

I think you should call him. If he's as sweet and wonderful a person as you believe him to be then go for it. The juvenile humour my mother would say is kinda a guy prerequisite at times. :) Give him another chance then make your decision as to whether he's the one or not.

[legend]

it's also a saying that opposites attract

[scotzoidman]

After 27 years, you'd think I would have a good answer for you, but we have prob less in common than any two people on earth... so I guess the answer is people can adapt... but it takes both willing to bend a little!

[Oldfart]

Firstly, what do you want from him? A few weeks or months of

great sex then "So long Laddie"? If so, so what?

Secondly, If you are looking for Mr Life-partner, you need enough

in common that every phrase isn't knocking sparks, but that there

are just enough points to spark occasionally.

Thirdly, are you lonely for him, or just lonely?

[Steph]

I was initially looking for a friendship with sex but he obviously wanted to get serious.

I'm wondering if I am just lonely. I have no idea how to figure this one out.

[happybobo]

Originally posted by Steph
I was initially looking for a friendship with sex but he obviously wanted to get serious.

If you're thinking about going back to this guy...you need to let him know what you're wanting, and then go from there.

[Oldfart]

Steph

Bobo's point is really valid.

If you get back together again, are you setting him (and yourself)

up for a fall. They're always worse second time around.

[GermanSteve]

Ok, opposites attract. But attraction does not say anything about the fit as a couple.
Me and my wife, we had been opposites, but on us was missing an elementary ingredient for a good relation: the respect.
She found in me a person that prefers to keep peace than to fight. Rather the opposite was she. So far the attraction.
When she started to bend me more and more, and started robbing of me more and more my weak personality, she didn´t realize that she didn´t respect me.
Opposites can live together as far as there is respect. A sado-maso couple can live perfectly together, but it is always necessary to respect each other.

[Reverend Silky]

if it weren't for juvenile humor, i'd be mute... which would make people call me Silent Bob... which would make me taste bile... which is rarely a good thing.

[gryphon]

hmmmmm, been thinking a bit on this one.....

no two people are going to be completely the same, and to be honest, who would want that? nothing new, no spark, all around pretty boring. Although you dont want to totally disagree on the IMPORTANT things with a perspective life partner. Respect for each other is the main key. Respecting your differences as well as the things you have in common.

Hubby and I are meeting in the middle of alot of things, but are also WAY on the other ends of the scope on others. BUT we respect each others individuality.

As wierd as he is......I ADORE his WEIRD sense of humor, and yes there are times i have to remind myself of that when he totally forgets that there is this nice little thing called couth......lol

Oh and about just not sure if you just want that "bed buddy" there is nothing wrong with that as long as everyone is upfront about it....BUT be careful......I married my last bed buddy. and thankful to it everyday........

longest friggen one night stand i have ever heard of.....

:p

[axe31]

if you work together at your relationship
you can celabrate your differences:)

[Steph]

Wow, gryphon, thanks for the perspective.

Ken has been flirting with me again and I've been flirting back so I called him last night but, unfortunately, it was one of those infamous drunken phone calls! I'll keep you posted.

[Steph]

We talked again. There appears to be an enormous amount of miscommunication going on. He claimed that he was trying to reconcile with me last week but I rejected it. Well, that was news to me! I thought it was only flirting! He then said I need to figure out what I want and he has a feeling my career will always come first. He's right about that!

Thanks for all your advice!

[Master1012]

I think you should have enough in common to get along but enough differences to keep all the conversation interesting. I mean if you found a person exactly like you, how much fun would that be?

[pje]

I dont think that having things in common is very important but i do believe that having some of the same feelings is important if that makes any sense to you

[Steph]

My ex called me out of the blue the other night and invited me over for a barbeque and a get together to watch hockey. (Go Sens go!) I spent the night . . . things went well. I think we might have ironed out our differences. Thank you all for the great advice!

[dicksbro]

Been married some 39 years and my wife and I have always found that working at being supportive of each other bridges things that we otherwise don't have in common. Still differences; but we compromise and keep moving on. Guess something's working for us cuz I wouldn't trade her.

[Irish]

My wife and I have been married for 37yrs.I always said that we're just like magnets-likes repell & unlikes attract!We respect;
each others wishes immensely!Yesterday was my nonalcoholic anniversary;9yrs11mo.I am an alchoholic(sp)I know it isn't supposed to be the reason;but I quit mainly because of my wife&
daughters!You have to decide if the other person;has the inner
self;that you want to spend your life with.If the other person is a
good person it makes it all worth while.No two people are exactly
the same.What matters is compromising and having mutual respect.It's easier to quit than to make things work;that's why there are so many divorces! Irish
P.S.My $.02.

[Steph]

Congratulations on the anniversary, Irish! The middle of June will mark 10 years!

It is indeed easier to quit thank keep trying. So far, things have been working out between us. We're both busy and live 100 kms apart but I'm making time to visit him this weekend.

[Irish]

Steph---Thank You!June 15th to be exact;I have it marked on my
calender!I had a lot of good times drinking and met a lot of good
people.It had to be done!I'm not against alcohol.It's just that some people(ME)shouldn't drink it.I never could stand "Drunks";
but I loved to get high.20-30yrs is a long time to be "High!" Irish

[dicksbro]

Also, Irish, my congrats on your non-alcoholic anniversary and your words of wisdom! Well put.

[love_2licku]

I've often ponder the same thing Steph. I made up my mind that it needs to be a happy medium of the 2. Have some things in common, but also accpet the differences and adapt. If you can't adapt, then thats what you decide. Too much in common can be a bad thing, as well as too much difference. A good friend told me that relationships are 50/50 in every way. You both bring something new to the situation but at the same time, bring common interest to make up for the things you can "tolerate" but maybe not like. I took it as good advice and it actually made me change my way of thinking about differences.