too damn fast

[joeblair]

Hi,
first of all id like to say heyyyyyyyy to all pixies as this is my first time on the board. Ive got a friend whose used the advice forum before(u know who u r :P) and said it was great so im here for some help.I just turned 19 last week and recently started goin out with this rly great girl ive liked for ages. The problem is shes kinda well known for bein emm "sexualy active" with her partners. Im worried tho cause whenever i masterbate i seem to cum wayyy to fast.Im rly worried about this cause i wanna b able to please her so any advice on how to last longer would b great!

[sugarfreecandy]

First off, welcome to Pixies'! We'll be happy to help in any way that we can... Questions are always welcome! While you're here, have a look around, and you'll get to know us a little better...

Secondly, I just wanted to say that I hope you get all the appropriate tests done before you and your g/f do anything --- always important, but especially if she's had multiple partners before you... Make sure you use the necessary protection too! (Not trying to lecture here, just keeping an eye out for your safety!)

And third --- your question. I'm not a guy, so I don't know how helpful my advice will be, but there are two things I'd suggest.

Solution 1: If you think a sexual encounter is likely to happen, then masturbate before you go out. I know, I know, sounds like a weird solution --- but I'm sure you've already discovered on your own that after you've cum once, the pressure isn't quite so urgent on the next round. That should help to give you an extra measure of control when you actually climb into bed with her.

Solution 2 (to be used together with #1): Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay! Explore her body, with your hands, eyes, mouth, tongue, breath, and so on. It'll help you get to know what you're dealing with (I take it, since you only mentioned previous experience with masturbation, you're still a virgin?). You can observe her reactions to see what she responds to most, and focus on providing those most pleasurable sensations. Make sure she gets lots of stimulation before you actually have intercourse --- most women get the most intense pleasure from clitoral stimulation, not intercourse per se, anyway. Make sure she's had lots of enjoyment (not necessarily orgasm, just lots of great sensations) and only then should you move on to penetration.

The fact of the matter is that you're going to cum quickly at this point, no matter what you do, so don't worry about it --- she should be flattered that she turns you on so much! After you cum, you can go back to pleasuring her with your mouth and hands. I think the statistic for people our age (I'm 21, so not that much older than you) is that it takes an average of about 20 minutes for the guy to be fully hard again after ejaculation, which means quite simply that you've got 20 minutes to devote to her pleasure before you get to try again! Use that 20 minutes wisely, and she won't care if you cum the instant you touch her --- she'll be enjoying herself regardless!

Hope that helps --- I'm sure the others here will be able to add some further advice. Good luck, and most of all, have fun!!!

--- sweetstuff

[Lady Pleaser]

Welcome to Pixies. I don't know how
sugerfree knows so much about the male but her advice is very good advice to follow and I have nothing more to add expect SFC has it right.

[Aqua]

Welcome to Pixies...

See SFC's post... she's spot on!

[Nubian]

SFC must have been a sex therapist in another life.

[Lilith]

SFC is a genius. She alway has great advice! If you knock one off before you go out it will slow you down a bit! Of course some of us old ladies would be ever so patient as we know you young things can get up and go again in no time;) WEAR A CONDOM it will make you slightly less sensitive and may fix your hair trigger! Most of all enjoy!~~~~~~~~~~~~>Lilith

[Oldfart]

Almost every young man starts with a hair trigger.

Time and experience fix this.

Enjoy it, don't let it be a burden.

[sugarfreecandy]

You guys are way too flattering --- I'm no expert, definitely not a sex therapist (although... hmmm... that's a career I could really enjoy, should my current plans ever fall through!), and I'm certainly not a genius. I just pay attention to things that are... umm... important to me! ;)

A few more thoughts for Joeblair, no particular order:

1) Lilith was right about the condom --- not only is it the best safety measure in terms of preventing both STDs and pregnancy, it also helps the hypersensitivity factor.

2) Talk to her!!!!! Make sure your girlfriend is aware that you're concerned about this. If she knows you're really interested in bringing her pleasure, she'll be more willing to slow down and teach you as you go, and she'll be more patient with your initial excitability.

3) If you two can accept the hair-trigger effect as a given, and if she's willing, then another option is for her to perform oral sex on you first. You'll cum quickly, guaranteed, and it will release that pressure so that you can spend some more time on the foreplay and on learning about her body and responses before you're ready to explode again.

4) I want to reiterate a point I made before, because I don't know how clearly it came out. The site of most pleasure in the female is generally the clitoris, not the vagina. (I heard somewhere that the clit has twice as many nerve endings as the entire penis. It's pretty darned sensitive, let me tell you!) In most positions for intercourse, the clitoris receives little if any stimulation. Therefore, intercourse shouldn't be the be-all and end-all of your sexual repertoire, if you want to be equitable about bringing her pleasure. This is important, because it means that you don't need to focus on penetration as the ultimate goal of the activity --- the oral sex, the various forms of foreplay, even the kissing or the holding hands, they're all as much a part of sex as actual intercourse, so don't skip over them in any hurry. When you get to penetration, it will bring her pleasure too, but don't pressure yourself into thinking it's the only way to satisfy her.

5) Like OldFart says, it's normal to be like this. Don't worry about it too much, and don't make it into a huge problem that's going to stress you out or put a strain on your sex life. It's not that big a deal, so don't freak out over it.

I hope some of this helps...

--- sweetstuff

[ROCKHARD]

She knows what she is talking about. From a mans point of view just go with the flow and make sure you are ready to go a least another round, and you will last longer the second time around. I used to go pretty quick when I was younger but as time goes on you learn to last longer. Now I manage to get my wife off two time before I go. Practice makes perfect...Its not a competion and if she cares about you she wont judge you for it!