SNAPPY ANSWERS to DUMB QUESTIONS

[dicksbro]

Idea of this game is for you to ask a "dumb" question ... and the next person posts a snappy (sarcastic?) answer. Then, after you answer, you ask the next 'dumb question' for the next person. For example:

A guy is walking down the street and sees another coming his way. "Hi, out for a walk?"

The next person posting might answer:

"Nah. Just trying to see how many steps it takes to wear out the soles of my shoes."

Now ... your turn.

A lady comes into the office at 10AM and sees her boss. She asks, "Am I late?".

The boss answers, " ... "

[gekkogecko]

No, we readjusted the time frame of the entire universe so you'd be on time.

"Can I ask you a question?"

[dicksbro]

Thank heavens that's out of your system now. Glad you didn't ask for two.

I see you got out your spreader and fertilizer. Are you getting ready to do some yard work?

[BIBI]

That is a brilliant deduction Einstein!


Those are nice flowers. Did you buy them for you wife?

[dicksbro]

No, I got them to help decorate the garbage can and make it smell better.

Hey, neighbor, taking your dog for a walk?

[BIBI]

Are you always an idiot, or just when I'm around?


Where are you going with that picnic basket?



(this game is making me feel bad)

[gekkogecko]

Hop in, I'll explain why it's getting warmer.

(after seeing someone stub his/her toe):
Did you do that deliberately?

[dicksbro]

Yes, it's such a nice way to get attention.

Is that the sun shining this morning?

[gekkogecko]

No, we surgically implanted LEDs in your eyelids while you were sleeping.

(From a person just barely not falling-down drunk):
Should I have one more for the road?

[dicksbro]

Absolutely. Roads get thirsty this time of day.

Seeing a neighbor at the gas station, he asked, "Going somewhere?"

[PantyFanatic]

No. I'm already here.


Walking in and sitting down at the bar when the barkeep walk over and asks "Do you want a drink?"

[gekkogecko]

No, I'm a priest. I'm waiting for a minister and a rabbi to join me.

And actual question I was asked when I was helping staff a wildlife education display:

"Does that owl, have like, *feathers* ?"

I would loved to have had a snappy answer, but I couldn't, because I had to run behind the display, because you're not allowed to laugh in the public's face.

[dicksbro]

I asked one once but he wouldn't answer. In fact, he seemed to think the whole question was a real "hoot" and said as much.

Is that an ant hill forming in that crack in the sidewalk?

[BIBI]

No, it a new volcano forming...


I see your house is for sale. Are you moving?

[dicksbro]

No, the sign is just there to fool people.

Oh, I see you've intently watching whatever is on TV, do you mind if I interrupt you and tell you about my day at the office?

[gekkogecko]

Oh, I don't mind at all, could you just defenestrate yourself from the 18th floor first?

As you are getting on a hat, scarf & gloves in the middle of winter:
"Are you going out?"

[dicksbro]

No, I just wanted to get overheated.

As you go up to the store cashier with a full shopping cart she asks:

"Did you find everything you wanted?"

You answer:

"No, so I just put a bunch of stuff in the cart I didn't want so I could return it all as soon as I finish purchasing it."

[gekkogecko]

"Did you forget to ask a question ?"

[PantyFanatic]

No, he wrote it with disappearing ink. :wink:



While I was standing on a ladder with a roller in hand she walked across the drop cloth and asked "are you painting today?"

[dicksbro]

No, I needed new carpet but it's so expensive and so I'm using a drop cloth to cover the old floor and the roller to smooth it out.

Seeing a lady walking with her dog on a leash, "Walking your dog, mamm?"

[gekkogecko]

No, I left my dog at home while I kidnapped this one from my neighbor down the street.


Upon smelling & seeing smoke coming out of th toaster:
Hey, did you burn your toast?

[dicksbro]

No, the bread is taking revenge on the toaster and frying it's heating elements.

You see your neighbor walking their dog and ask, "Taking your dog for a walk?"

[scotzoidman]

No, I'm bringing my cat home from his species-change operation.

Someone sees you changing a tire & asks, "Have a flat tire?"

(BTW, I used to love these in Mad Magazine...Al Jaffee was a comic genius)

[BIBI]

no, the tires are dirty and it's time to change them



Even though your feeling fine someone asks....why do you look so unhappy?

[dicksbro]

I'm not unhappy, I'm just smiling upside down.

Carrying your umbrella on a dark and cloudy day someone asks, "Is it suppose to rain?"

[gekkogecko]

No, but I'm carrying my sword umbrella because my sword cane is int he shop.

Asking of several people at a single-route bus stop:
"Has the bus come yet?"

[BIBI]

No, but it's breathing heavy!


Why is there steam coming out of the sewers?

[scotzoidman]

It's trying to get away from the awful smell (sorry, that's all I got...kind of odd question)

You walk in, dripping wet, & someone says, "Is it raining outside?"

[dicksbro]

No, I'm just perspiring a lot.

You've in a restaurant and the waitress/waiter comes to your table and asks, "May I take your order?"

[PantyFanatic]

Yes. 'Paint my house' :D ............... or bring me a hamburger & chocolate shake. ;)



Someone walks into the room while you are sitting in front of the keyboard and looking at the monitor- "Are you on that computer again?"

[gekkogecko]

No, this is just a convenient place to meditate with my eyes open.

Another actual question, asked of someone sitting in a Panera Bread internet lounge with an electric blanket:
"Is it cold in here?"

[BIBI]

It's trying to get away from the awful smell (sorry, that's all I got...kind of odd question)

You walk in, dripping wet, & someone says, "Is it raining outside?"

is it odd or is your imagination lacking for the question lol

[dicksbro]

Going back to our last question, "On the computer again?"

A: Heck no. It's not even real comfortable here on this chair.

Q: Looking at cameras in a case, the clerk asks: Can I get anything for you?

[gekkogecko]

Yes, you can get naked so I can take your picture with one of these cameras.

After falling down, smacking your face ont he pavement and giving yourself a bloody nose:
"Are you all right?"

[dicksbro]

No, I have an itch on my left foot.

Q: Seeing you get out of a shiny new car with dealer plates, your asked, "Thinking of getting a new car?"

[gekkogecko]

Yep, my mind is so powerful, I thought this one right into existence in my driveway!

I had no shoes and I wept. Then I met a man with no feet. So I said, "Hey, man, got any shoes you're not using?"

[dicksbro]

No, my dog always uses my old shoes as chew toys once I tire of them.

Can you believe at 3 in the morning it's still dark outside?

[PantyFanatic]

Yes, unless my bed slid to the south pole during the night. :rolleyes:


While sitting on a bench at dusk and staring out over the lake someone asks "watching the sun set?".

[dicksbro]

Nah, I've seen my son sit many times. Nothing new in that.

Seeing the person staring at the television set he asked, "Whatcha' watching?"

[dicksbro]

Nothing, I was just waiting for a power failure and didn't want to miss it.

Running the vacuum in the living room, your SO/spouse asks: "Doing some cleaning?"

[kleclere]

No I have it on blow instead of suck.



Standing on the corner in DC and someone asks how's tricks?

[dicksbro]

The disappearing elephant one didn't work.

The passenger asked the stewardess, "When will we reach L.A.?"

[gekkogecko]

FIVE MORE MINUTES!

Should I have yoghurt or toxic waste for breakfast?

[kleclere]

I think you should go for both.



As you're stomping through the snow you are asked "did it snow last night"?

[dicksbro]

No, the cottonwood trees were spilling their seed.

Up in the sky, is that a hawk soaring?

[kleclere]

No it is a UFO.



Drinking a steamy cup of coffee " is that hot"?

[dicksbro]

No, it's just forming a lot of gaseous ice. :spin:

Going up to the ticket counter in the airport, "Can I buy my ticket here?"

[gekkogecko]

Sure, but the price is your soul.

Hey, can I ask you a question?

[kleclere]

I don't know, what is it?



At the airport counter " Is this where I catch my plane"?

[dicksbro]

No, we keep all the airplanes outside.

Is there a doctor in the house?

[kleclere]

No he lives down the street.


Can we have some of that?

[dicksbro]

This that or that that or some other that that I'm not aware of ... that is the question?

Going south for the winter this year?

[gekkogecko]

No, I'm going all the way north, just so I can spit in Santa's face.

Is it raining outside?

[Teddy Bear]

No, theres a giant pissing on you.


Why, are you getting wet?

[kleclere]

Because I am under a lovely Pixie lady.



Have we met before?

[dicksbro]

Before what?

The neighbor as you get into your car asks, "Going somewhere?"

[gekkogecko]

No, I just like to sit here an listen o the radio.

As you're dozing off in the middle of a conversation,
"Are you tired" ?

[dicksbro]

No, just trying to remember what I did with my earplugs.

I see you bought some beer .... getting ready for the football season?

[gekkogecko]

No, I'm preparing a stash of bottles to break for the next riot.

Are you speaking English?

[kleclere]

I don't know is that the language you are hearing?


As you are struggling with a heavy object, " Do you need help with that"?

[gekkogecko]

Yes, it would be exceptionally helpful if you would decapitate yourself with a chainsaw.

Have you lost your mind?

[kleclere]

No I know where it is and it isn't mine anymore.



Are we having fun yet?

[dicksbro]

I'm sorry, I can't speak for you.

Standing under a sign lit in red with the letters " E-X-I-T ", the man asks, "Do you know where the exit is?"

[kleclere]

Couldn't tell you.


Where is the backdoor?

[gekkogecko]

Along the front wall, of course.

Am I being paranoid?

[dicksbro]

Nah! It's natural to want to cower in a dark corner.

To the man getting his mower out .. "Getting ready to mow the yard?"

[kleclere]

No dog needs a hair cut.


What's up doc?

[dicksbro]

You noticed my erection and still don't know what it is? :yikes:

Your neighbor sees you outdoors and asks< "Working in your garden?"

[kleclere]

Wanted to work in yours but can't get over the fence.



On your knees looking at the ground, "What you looking at"?

[dicksbro]

I thought I'd lost one of my blades of grass, so I'm recounting those in my yard to see.

Your spouse/so comes into the kitchen just as you drop some bread in the toaster. "Making some toast?"

[gekkogecko]

No, I'm perfecting my bread-to-orbit launcher.

Have you changed your shirt?

[kleclere]

No it has always been the same shirt.



Can we please have quiet?

[dicksbro]

We can, but only if all the noise stops.

Getting all dressed up for dinner?

[kleclere]

Figure they wouldn't like me nude at the restaurant.



Are you home?

[gekkogecko]

My home is the world. Get off my lawn!

After flipping the light switch several times, and still standing in darkness,
"Did the light burn out?"

[kleclere]

No you forgot to pay your light bill.



After trying your key in the car door 3 times, "Is this even my car"?

[gekkogecko]

No, aliens stole yours and replaced it with an exact duplicate.

After trying a microphone, and getting dead air,
"Is this thing on?"

[kleclere]

Yes it is on it is just the operator.


End user asks" were is the any key"?

[dicksbro]

It's the one just to the left.

Is that rain I hear?

[dicksbro]

No, it's just that really tall guy next door watering his lawn.

Seeing a man choking he was asked, "Something go down the wrong way?"

[dicksbro]

No, it was going up ad made a wrong turn.

Is that a mouse in the trap?

[dicksbro]

No, it's a very small kangaroo.

It is going to rain today?

[gekkogecko]

Nah, there's only a 10% chance of rain. But there's a 90% chance of diarrhea.

Did you dye your hair?

[dicksbro]

You mean red, green and yellow mixed isn't a natural color for hair?

Got a flat tire? I see the tire jack in your hand.

[dicksbro]

No, that's my anti-mugging device.

Are all those gift-wrapped packages for Christmas?

[dicksbro]

No, I just don't like to have people see me store plain old cardboard boxes.

Is it possible that we're within 2 weeks of Christmas?

[gekkogecko]

No, time reversed itself, and it's now two weeks after Christmas.

Are you sure you're a member of [group X]?

[dicksbro]

I'm not sure I'm sure but surely there must be a sure answer to that question.

Do you use vibrators?