····Project Lixy····

[LixyChick]

In reading a thread from FussyPucker I realized life is passing me by. I seem to throw myself into caring for others while a year goes by and I've done nothing to better myself.

I'm putting it out there and hoping for some ideas...

Are there sites to help someone determine what their "calling" is? Are there agencies who can help determine this? I swear...I am 48 and I hate my job and it isn't condusive to my physical well being but I am scared as shit that I'll end up sewing for the rest of my life! I have no idea what to go to school for to move into another line of work. Matter of fact, it's scares me to think of leaving the money I am making to change jobs at this age.

I'd like to say I am a strong, determined type of chick...but in reality I am in a comfort zone that only seems comfortable to everyone around me and I'm terrified of changing it for fear of failure.

THERE! I said it out loud!

Now...what do I do about it? What has all who came before me done about it? Who wants to come over and kick my ass all the way to a psychiatrist? (<---don't answer that...it's rhetorical)

I highly doubt that caring for others is an option for me because I'm really not comfortable around sick strangers (like a roommate in hubby's hospital room for example) but I seem to handle it ok with family. To be honest I have a long list of things I wouldn't want to do but NOTHING I would feel comfortable doing while knowing the money I gave up. It just seems selfish.

OK...one thing I'd love to do is get really good at stained glass works. Nothing like suncatchers...I mean to the point where I am commisioned to do work for the hoity toity. How in the fuck can I achieve that stature at my age and with my lack of education?

Ya see? Life is passing me by and here I sit...typing my heart out...and not really knowing if I'll hit "submit new thread"...cause it all seems so selfish to me!

Any and all suggestions welcome!!!!!!!!!

[musicman]

Lixy

I'm going through the same thing...almost exactly in the way you're feeling...gotta see if maybe we can brainstorm some ideas together...

so, like...ummmm....can I hijack and share your thread?

[LixyChick]

Lixy

I'm going through the same thing...almost exactly in the way you're feeling...gotta see if maybe we can brainstorm some ideas together...

so, like...ummmm....can I hijack and share your thread?
Oh Yes MM! Send it up the flag pole! Do you have a secret passion you might love to do if you could just have the security that you have now?

Let's see what developes!

BTW...I don't feel so alone now! TY (((((musicman)))))!!!!

[Lilith]

Start here. http://www.43things.com/

It helped me to focus on what I want to accomplish and to remember that my accomplishments are important to me no matter how inconsequential they may seem to someone else.

[Lilith]

I have a friend who is commissioned to do large windows of stained glass for new construction. Lixy you could offer a piece to a model home and see what comes of it.

[LixyChick]

Start here. http://www.43things.com/

It helped me to focus on what I want to accomplish and to remember that my accomplishments are important to me no matter how inconsequential they may seem to someone else.
TY soooooooo much for the effort Lilith! When I opened the link I cried...Look at all the things people wonder about and aspire to!?!?

I especially loved your second contribution...but get this...(<---meant to call attention...not anger)...With my love for stained glass (and the inert assumption that I KNOW I can do it) I have NEVER made even a minor suncatcher! Do I suck or what? I have books on the subject...I even have a few tools of the trade...but never made a thing!

/drops to my knees in honor of all the professionals

I'm not asking for mercy or pity! My fear isn't unfounded. My money now is pretty good. How do I counter that with a leap like stained glass?

P.S. I carry the health insurance for the family. Mr. Lixy's health insurance sucked! We cancelled it. We had a $1000.00 per year deductible per person. He's doing great now...but I am thinking of the [near] future. I carry no deductible if within the medical group. We just pay a co-pay...and at the most it's $25.00...even for specialists.

Yikes! This sucks...don't it? The insurance companies keep us in their grips!

[musicman]

Can't let the insurance spoil your aspirations Lixy.....you can always start small as Lil said, try new things, see what you like and what you enjoy, explore some new careers without committing to them...and find out details which may or may not be helpful in your future decisions....

Things have a funny way of working themselves out sometimes...and sometimes (look who's talking here, Mr. I hate change and am scared to do it himself), you have to leap before you look rather than the other way around...

I still have to check out that website myself....

[maddy]

Just a ramble... could you find a rewarding hobby. Let work be work, sometimes doing something to pay the bills and provide a life outside of work can be "enough". I've come to a point in my life where I like my career well enough but it doesn't fulfill me as a person so I'm trying to find a rewarding hobby or community service to add to my life.

[LixyChick]

*hugs and love to you guys*

I can sew anything! I mean ANYTHING...as long as I have a pattern and a little guidance from the designer. I always want to know her/his final idealization behind the finished product. If I have a picture of the product or if I make the proto-type...I can make whatever the designer wants and suggest refining or detail as to it's construction. I work with HEAVY material or leather!

I can work with delicate stuff...but the machinery I work on now is for BULK!

*FADE TO BLACK*

[osuche]

There's a book..."What Should I Do with My Life?" by Po Bronson that is a collection of stories and advice from people who have made MAJOR career changes in mid-life. It may not tell you what you should do, but it might inspire you.

<--- Girl who is paying $100,000 for an MBA so I can take a paycut and start a socially responsible business. ;)

Also...talk to other people. Many others have similar stories. If nothing else, we can provide one another emotional support.

Just don't forget that life is about risk -- without risk we don't know we're living. :)

[LixyChick]

(((((osuche))))) Taking note!

TY (((Everyone)))...for understanding!

[wyndhy]

Start here,
remember that.. accomplishments are important ..no matter how inconsequential they may seem...

i just pirated lil post. :p:D but that's ^^ what you need to remember.
what you've been doing is important, at least to someone else if not you, but it's ALSO life changing for you 'cause it's life experience. the last year must have even helped to better you in some ways too.

that said.
just do it, i say. you are scared to leave your job, yet have the tools and materials and reference books to test out your skills? who said you have to leave your job? just try it on the side. practice it as a hobby when you can. and make some time for it!

you also said you have no formal education, but last i checked, you don't need one to be an artist. ;) my advice, though, is that when you do finally start getting good enough to sell your stuff to the hoity toity...and i have no doubt you someday will...don't call them that to their faces. :p:D

[PantyFanatic]

WOOOoooooooooo Lixy :eek:


I have a special interest in YOU, and think I know you better than this. Nothing wrong with taking stock of where we are once in a while, but considering a sudden short cut across the lake with 200 ft. of chain is not the way to do it. :yikes: lol


FIRST- I think it's fair to say that Fussy had a bit more than his average years activity during the last Sun orbit. :wobbly: Ask him what he did each of the 5 previous cycles. ;) And I think it fair to say you carried out more than your normal load Samaritan duties this year. Life is not linier. It's sinusoidal. That's why they talk about it throwing you a "curve". :cabbagep:

Now ……… if any of that has merit, ratchet this "life is passing me by" shit down to what may really be happening for you. :) Having worked your honest ass off and very consciously ordering of a little security is not letting "life pass you by" and it sure as hell isn't "selfish". Being a responsible person is something most people strive our whole life to become.

So now we have the facts that you have worked hard to acquire some of the security and comfort that is the basic goal of all people. We know that you can't help but to give your support and of yourself for the important people in your life. Sounds like the kind of person we all wish we had in our lives. You've worked hard enough and been on the block long enough to know that "the world is your apple" is a good battle cry for the young to get off their ass and see what they can make out of life (which you've ALREADY done a good job of), but is not the way the world works with all the conventions of reality. Something about "black and white reality being different than techno colored dreams". :rolleyes:

Aren't you really asking "what's my next goal"? You have this "security" because you've developed some valuable skills and experience that has a lot of value to somebody.:nod: Would being able transfer some of these skills to others make you even more valuable to these people and perhaps at the same time start you into a training position with your current organization? Something like that could well lead to a whole new career without having to endanger your present status. You can become an "instructor/trainer" without having to become a "certified teacher" and these people are valuable to not only manufactures, but material and equipment suppliers as well as trade associations who pay good buck$ for these skills. A few course on developing training programs can take you a long way into a specialty field like I know you have.

I can talk to you about details in these particular areas, but you have a lot of options, are a long way from a dead end and SURE as heck haven't let anything pass you by. I don't see the crisis at the moment. Only opportunities to continue with the proven abilities that you are about, no matter in what direction.

Now I need you to talk to me about 'fitting' some silky material to your high end, instead of sewing high end executive furniture. :p

[Steph]

One of my best pals is a stained-glass dude (PF met him briefly when he dropped me off at PAGAN). He worked on the restoration of the library on Parliament Hill last year & is doing some work for Ryerson University right now. Alas, he's not a netizen so I'll have to talk to him about how he got started.

A friend suggested reading "What Colour is your Parachute?" but it didn't do much for me (but I know it's helped tons o' people).

(((((((((Lixy)))))) Have fun!

[scotzoidman]

Jeez, where do I start? I've been coming back to this thread, & reading it over & over, just trying frame my thoughts...& once again, I'm not sure I can improve on anything that's already been said...but I can feel the fear in your post, Lixy, so...here goes nothin'...

Your situation sounds so much like my own a few years back...except that any security I felt was just from drawing a steady paycheck, since I knew I had mastered a dying craft, & I too felt like there was no way to start over again at my age...& when the axe finally fell, I found all my fears of an uncertain future made real, & as if that wasn't enough, when the locusts came, they devoured EVERYTHING...so I can empathize with you completely how it feels to stare into the abyss, & wonder how I could possibly make it to the other side...

But this isn't about me, is it...especially since I don't recommend my experience to anyone...but it does have some relation to the fact that when I found myself in that rut, I did take stock in myself, & figured I did have some value other than my work, & while my other lifeskills didn't look real promising financially, I did start trying to rebuild myself around the edges, figuring I should at least find some way to soften that hard landing a little...

It seems to me that this could be the start of good things for you, just because you've dared to stop & question the hamster wheel you're on...you've built this life one brick at a time, & that's how you'll have to go about building some different life...I can certainly understand your reluctance to tear down the one you have, & you shouldn't have to...

[Lilith]

http://search.ebay.com/stained-glass-supplies

Time to start looking around.

[dicksbro]

I admire you, Lixy, for doing the looking. I was in the same boat the last several years of my career employment but hated to risk the lost of insurance, regular income and retirement benefits ... and so stuck it out several extra years until I could retire.

I really believe retirement has been a godsend for me. Now, I'm exhausted doing things I love doing (mainly volunteer work) and haven't missed the ol' job for a minute. A little less income, but a lot more satisfaction with my life.

I sure hope that you find what you're looking for. I wish I had a great answer for where to look, but Lilith and others have already helped there. Just know, our hopes will sure be with you.

[1nutworld]

Hey Lixy,
GREAT thread!!!

I too am over 40, and still don't know what I want to be when I "grow up"!.

I don't think I said anything about this before, but I got let go of my position at Lowes back in April, my position was eliminated. I've been getting by on un-ejoyment, but that runs out in 2 months. The "ruse" I've been trying to get on with, of being "on vacation"...is getting old.

The bottom line is, I too don't know what my best "skill set" is to have a job that I can enjoy.

If you don't mind, if you find places that can assist in helping people find what they are "supposed" to be doing in life, please let me know.

By reading this thread, I see that you are exploring working with staind glass, so I hope that you truly can enjoy your work.

[gekkogecko]

Oh, rats, when I saw the title of this thread, I thought it was a project to do Lixy herself.

Don't really have any helpful advice, though.

[osuche]

I keep going back to my response and feeling it's a bit insufficient. A lot of thoughts are going through my mind when I think about career re-engineering and moving away from one career to another. This isn't a simple problem!

Some thoughts/questions:
- Are you sure this isn't a case of "the grass being greener" on the other side?
- Can you lower the risk of making a big career switch by checking it out before you change? Do it as a hobby, go to art fairs, volunteer with a stained glass artist, etc.
- Is this a reaction to feeling your mortality because of some of the medical issues you've had with your sister and Mr Lixy? If yes, will you feel different in 6 months?
- Do you have some time to do informational interviews with people who are in jobs that interest you? Call them, interview them to figure out the good, bad, and ugly of that profession.
- Do you need to do this new thing full-time, or can you do it as a hobby?
- Is a career change the source of your quandry, or is there a bigger question/issue you need to solve?

No offense meant...but these are some of the questions I ask myself and I thought they might be valuable to you. :x: Good luck!

[Aqua]

you also said you have no formal education, but last i checked, you don't need one to be an artist. ;)
Or many other things!

Ever hear of Steve Jobs? He dropped out of college in his first semester. Started a little company called Apple. Word has it he's doing pretty good these days. (And that's after having been fired from his own company!) :p

I'm all for education, but there are many people that are VERY successful without one. And remember, you get to define what successful is for you. :)

[jennaflower]

(((Lixy)))

My only suggestion... follow your heart... no matter how silly or how hard.... it will not steer you wrong...

HUGS my friend..

[LixyChick]

WOW! I am so impressed and overwhelmed with the caring and detailed thoughts spelled out here! Thank you EVERYONE...for taking the time!


- Are you sure this isn't a case of "the grass being greener" on the other side?

I've never liked to sew...I just can do it. Don't know why I can...but I can. The grass has always been greener elsewhere to me. Just don't know what fence I want to leap over!

- Can you lower the risk of making a big career switch by checking it out before you change? Do it as a hobby, go to art fairs, volunteer with a stained glass artist, etc.

Excellent ideas!


- Is this a reaction to feeling your mortality because of some of the medical issues you've had with your sister and Mr Lixy? If yes, will you feel different in 6 months?

Hadn't thought of it that way...but it could be. I know I've always wanted something other than my current job. It just might be more pressing now after dealing with sis and hubby lately.


- Do you have some time to do informational interviews with people who are in jobs that interest you? Call them, interview them to figure out the good, bad, and ugly of that profession.

Again...excellent idea!

- Do you need to do this new thing full-time, or can you do it as a hobby?

I'd like to eventually get out of sewing forever...but I can take baby steps.

- Is a career change the source of your quandry, or is there a bigger question/issue you need to solve?

It's not the career I am fearful of changing. I'd gladly drop sewing from my life like a hot potato if I had another opportunity. I'm responsible for the only source of health coverage for me and Mr. Lixy. I'd need to make a comparable amount of money at anything I do in order to afford the cost of our health coverage. He has no way of taking this burden, even temporarily. I don't see a way out.

I've read and noted everything that's been said here. You guys always make me smile (and cry)! I'm gonna get those books and check out those sites and I'll get back here with more thoughts!

(((((Everyone)))))

[jay-t]

Lixy if the stained glass is what you want to do look and ask around about some craftsmens guilds, the contacts you make are worth the dues!If you are lucky enough to find one with other stained glass artist you cut your learning time in half. As you get started you will find that it is very satisfying yet flustrating at times but keep plugging at it .I tell my students to keep the first piece then compare it to the 10th you will see lots of improvement and confidence starting to show in your work.

[scotzoidman]

I just wanted to add that you shouldn't be so hard on yourself for taking the time away from your own needs to care for those close to you...it just shows what a caring person you are, & remember that these are just the unscheduled emergency stops that one has to make on the road of life from time to time...I can understand how Fussy's post seems to have brought this feeling on, but if you spent the last year taking care of the ones you love, that's hardly a waste of time... :rose:

[Lilith]

Lixy, I too went through several years after my son was born with cerebral palsy to be a care taker putting myself on the back burner. Actually many women put their own personal lives on hold to raise and care for children or aging parents. While I loved my family, I personally needed more. It took me a long time to get everyone in a place, and get my family financially stable, to the point where I could start venturing out to test what I wanted.

[LixyChick]

Thank You for the suggestions, caring and relating! I know I'm not alone in this boat and for the most part the boat isn't all that leaky.

I've always envied people, especially children, who have direction and goals for their futures and go for it and achieve it with total satisfaction. I've never had that and that's where the grass is greener for me. I've got a lot of research and inner reflection to contend with. I'm looking forward to realizing my calling...whatever that may be!

(((((EVERYONE)))))