Withholding sex

[Alice]

Have any of you ever withheld sex from your husband or boyfriend to punish or control him?

Why did you do it. How long did you do withhold it. Was it effective?

[Prophet Reality]

I know this was aimed at the female members, but I felt like responding. My ex used to with hold from me all the time. Whenever she thought I was lying to her. I personally think it is not the best thing to do in a relationship. If you feel you need with hold sex for a reason, it is better to just talk to your partner about it instead. My two cents worth.

[Irish]

I'll stick my two cents in also;because;I think that my wifes outlook makes alot of sense.We have been married for 36yrs.
so;I think;she knows where she is coming from!She always
figured that if she cut me off,she was ;also;cutting herself off!
(Sort of like,cutting off your nose to spite your face.)She also
figured that if I wasn't getting it at home-I might look for release
elsewhere! Irish

[scotzoidman]

Interesting how no women have responded to this, only men? Does this mean the ladies here have never cut off their men, or just that they won't own up to it? :) Reminds me of the most trouble I ever got into with the DW... a guy she worked with told her about his probs with his wife, and she comes home & asks me, "What do you call a woman who uses sex as a weapon?"... my brain screamed at me, "DON'T ANSWER THAT!!!"... but I couldn't stop myself from saying, "Typical"... :rolleyes:

She didn't speak to me the rest of the night....

:(

[Xpose]

If sex was withheld from me it would just get me pissed off, if it went on for any length of time, like months and years, I would look elsewhere, she is just using sex as a weapon.

She would only be cutting off her nose and spite'ing' her face if she really wanted sex. If she didn't care either way about having sex she has the upper hand, that's not a healthy relationship.

But that may not be where you are coming from, I think you might mean as a sort of erotic denial of sex. Making ultimately both of really glad of the sex when you eventually get it.

Reminds me of the old joke, where the masochist says to the sadist, 'go on, hurt me' and the sadist says, 'no'.

[Irish]

Scotzoidman--At the risk of sounding sexist,I will tell you that is
why there are some questions that a man just cannot answer
correctly and give the proper answer to protect himself.
Example:Do these pants make me look fat?
Answer:No!You're fat in anything! Luckily,I have never had that
problem.My wife and both daughters,all have so much pride in
their personal appearance,that they would not let themselves
get out of condition.Some people have a glandular condition.One
of my sister-in laws has an overactive mouth.That one always
starts an argument! Irish

[Kissy]

Ok Ok, I've turned him down, does that count?

Are you talking just saying no? because there are just times when I don't want it, but just to say no...I don't get it. Sure we've been to the point where we're so buisy we just don't think about it, and there are allways certain times when it's better to try to get in my pants, when the hormones are racing...but I couldn't say no if I really wanted it. And that's most of the time..lol

Usually I flash my husband trying to get his attention, he just shakes his head, laughs and goes back to whatever his attention was captured by in the first place...sometimes I have to push a little harder to get it...but it's kinda fun that way.

xoxo
:p

[scotzoidman]

Ok Ok, I've turned him down, does that count?

I don't think so... the Q was have you ever cut him off to punish or control him, which is not nice... holding out to tease, playing hard to get, with the intention of intensifying the sex when it does happen, is just another one of these games we play to liven things up (and very nice when it works)! Saying no cuz you're just not up to it, well, can't help that... I get a little mad when that happens, but I get over it, it's just not as fun if you're both not into it.
Usually I flash my husband trying to get his attention yeh, I get that too, so I flash her back sometimes... or just lay it out on her shoulder while she's online!:D

[Pussy Willow]

If I'm upset or angry with my husband, I may not want to have
sex wtih him, but I would never purposely withold it as a form
of punishment.

I'm assuming we are all in adult relationships here. I don't
think there's room for punishment of any kind in adult
relationships (unless that's what you're into of course).
It's not my job or my responsibiltity to punish other adult.

Punishing by witholding sex isn't making your partner responsible
for why he/she is upsetting you.

I agree with Prophet Reality................

TALK ABOUT IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If nothing else, you both know where you stand afterwards, and
you always have make-up sex to look forward to !!!!!!!!!!!!

You see where my mind is these days : )

[Kissy]

Yeah what she said...:D

[Prophet Reality]

Thanks for the support Pussy Willow and I agree with your and everyone elses too.

Sex is not a weapon, it is something special between two people...

Or more if you are so inclined. But either way be adults and not teenagers.

[Oldfart]

To take a thing of joy and use it as a club or whip because
you're pissed off should be a capital offence.

It's different to not be in the mood, but to coldly deny is not
the act of a loving partner.

"to control him"???????

What kind of mind games are in play here?

Scary!!!!

[JennyD]

I don't believe in with holding affection. Even if my husband and I have a blowout fight, we still love each other, and if one of us wants, or needs to show that love, it's just not right to deny it. There are definitely times I'm just not into it, but I find that unless I really don't feel good, the intimacy feels wonderful and I go with it anyways.

=:-)
Jenny

[nutworld]

I'm gonna just put my 2 cents worth in.

While I don't belive that my wife has "witheld" any sex, I'm sure that when she was mad at me, or upset over something I've done(or more appropriatly NOT done) I'm sure that she'd not wanted to have sex.

This also holds true to any feelings of depression or stress that have effected her moods as well.

I guess what I'm saying is that with the women that I have been romantically involved with use "witholding sex as a punnishment".
( I really faught off the urge to use Pat Benatar's "Sex as a weapon" pun there)