PDA

View Full Version : Hammer, Duct Tape, Or WD-40?


darogle
12-28-2004, 02:04 PM
I have a theory. I believe that every problem in the world can be solved by either a hammer, duct tape or WD40.

For example, terrorism. A pesky problem to be sure. I believe it can be solved by a duct tape. All passengers on airlines should be thoroughly wrapped in duct tape to prevent any hijack attempts.

Problem at work? Hammer. Works on either that troublesome fax machine...or that annoying boss. :D

So, my friends, I ask that you help prove me right. Reply to the problem above by answering if you would solve it with either a hammer, duct tape or WD40 and how you would do so, and then post a problem of your own. You get the idea.

Now to start things off...

A bad hair day.

cherrypie7788
12-28-2004, 02:09 PM
Make a hat out of duct tape (yeeowtch on the taking it off though)

A tail light broke on your car?

darogle
12-28-2004, 02:12 PM
Hammer. Break out the other one to make a matching set.

Telemarketers calling you.

gekkogecko
12-28-2004, 02:28 PM
WD-40. Loosen the connections in their phones, so that when they try and call, everything comes unconnected.

Politicians who make empty promises just to get themselves elected.

darogle
12-28-2004, 02:33 PM
Duct tape. Put it over their mouths so that they have to put everything in writing.

Favorite team not doing well in the play-offs.

Cheyanne
12-28-2004, 04:02 PM
Hammer... so they can claim poor performance was due to injuries rather than lack of talent... :eek:

Those pesky noseeums in the summer time.. akkkkkkkkk!

WildIrish
12-28-2004, 04:39 PM
Hmmm...a hammer would be too painful and wd-40 would feel really gross and probably doesn't have a very good spf, so I'll go with taking strips of duct tape and putting them on your body with the sticky side out so the bugs stick to them like a fly strip! :D


People in the express lane at the grocery store...with 13 items in their cart! :mad:

SuzyQ
12-28-2004, 05:22 PM
Duct tape, stick em to the floor or their cart so they can't get them, out

Horny husband

Aqua
12-28-2004, 05:24 PM
Oh, this calls for all three...

Squirt WD40 on the ground so they slip and fall. Then tape them down to the ground so the can't move. Proceed thereafter to get medieval on their ass with the hammer!

Start with the ankles... :eek:


Now how about dealing with auto mechanics at the dealership that routinely cannot seem to recreate the problem you have with your car... even though it happens EVERY time you are behind the wheel.

SuzyQ
12-28-2004, 05:27 PM
All three again..duct tape them to the car until they find the problem, hit them on the head with the hammer so they smarten up, then give them a can of WD-40 and let them squirt it, cause will probably fix the problem.

Horny woman

cbass1976
12-28-2004, 10:25 PM
duct tape her to the bed

flat tire

dicksbro
12-29-2004, 04:29 AM
Duct tape to seal the hole in the tire; then plenty of WD-40 to re-inflate it.

A broken heart...

texascubfan
12-29-2004, 07:41 AM
well, i've always found that bailing wire comes in handy as well, but in the case of a broken heart you'd definitely need duct tape


but what would you use if your zipper broke and your stuff was hangin' out?

WildIrish
12-29-2004, 09:38 AM
hammer your stuff back into your pants and wd-40 the zipper. If that doesn't work, create a new pair of pants with duct tape.


What do you do when you've run out of tissues?

Aqua
12-29-2004, 12:13 PM
Use the hammer to break your nose... people will be quick to give you tissues to stop the bleeding. :rolleyes2

Thread hijackers?

WildIrish
12-29-2004, 12:49 PM
Thread hijackers should be duct taped to their chairs and a liberal dose of wd-40 should be applied to their penis with a rapid & repetitive up and down motion until climax, then they should be brought a fresh cup of coffee.

Hey, it was worth a try!


Excess body hair :D

SuzyQ
12-29-2004, 12:52 PM
Simple..apply duct tape and rip off..apply liberal doses of WD-40 to prevent growing back.

Un-horny s/o

texascubfan
12-29-2004, 01:01 PM
see the above post by WI and apply the ame measures. should do the trick!

in the spirit of christmas...yeah i know its over, but how could i fix light bulb that won't light on one side? (ala the Grinch)

WildIrish
12-29-2004, 01:03 PM
Spray the tree with wd-40 and shove it up the chimney so you can bring it back to your workshop and hammer it!


That pesky mouse that won't visit the trap.

SuzyQ
12-29-2004, 01:04 PM
Mice love WD-40 just spray it on the cheese...

A teen age child who won't do what she's asked

texascubfan
12-29-2004, 01:06 PM
trap him on sticky duct tape the tap him on the head (lightly) with a hammer and "Bad Mouse! Naughty, Naughty Mouse! Now Go Home!"

a fish that won't bite your hook

texascubfan
12-29-2004, 01:06 PM
OK< Suzy and me are going around in circles together today!

duct tape the child to a chair and tap her (lightly) on the head with a hammer and say "Bad child! Naughty, Naughty Child! Now Go Home!"

how about that fish?

WildIrish
12-29-2004, 01:13 PM
:D

Use your hammer to straighten out the hook and use it like a harpoon!


Your frisbee went into the neighbor's yard.

texascubfan
12-29-2004, 01:15 PM
spray the dog with WD-40 so he can squeeze through the hole in the fence, and wrap duct tape around his tail so you can pull him back after he grabs the frisbee!

can you fix an empty checkbook?

WildIrish
12-29-2004, 04:39 PM
absolutely!

Use your duct tape, wd-40 & hammer in the manners previously described, to remedy the aforementioned problems...and charge a fee! :D


Now what's to be done about my cold coffee?

SuzyQ
12-29-2004, 05:19 PM
unrole a whole role of duct tape, and scrunch it all up..pour WD-40 on it start the fire and warm your tea...use hammer to break "in case of fire break glass" in case the whole thing gets out of control

WildIrish
12-29-2004, 05:26 PM
and what would you like me to do to you.




I mean, for you. ;)

SuzyQ
12-29-2004, 05:35 PM
Forget the duct, tape, WD-40, and the hammer, and you can do almost anything..

broken winshield...(I already used the hammer on it)

WildIrish
12-29-2004, 05:43 PM
Forget the duct, tape, WD-40, and the hammer, and you can do almost anything..

broken winshield...(I already used the hammer on it)


Put duct tape on the inside, and fill the cracks with wd40 & let sit overnight until it's frozen solid. Remove tape, and you're fine till spring thaw. :D


I'm late going home.

Aqua
12-29-2004, 05:45 PM
trap him on sticky duct tape the tap him on the head (lightly) with a hammer and "Bad Mouse! Naughty, Naughty Mouse! Now Go Home!"

I think you should keep that as your answer for the child... :p

Now Suzy, this will take some work...

The key is to cut the duct tape into thin stips so you only tape the glass where it's broken allowing you to still see through it.

Taking care of someone who tries to remove your body hair with duct tape

WildIrish
12-29-2004, 05:47 PM
Taking care of someone who tries to remove your body hair with duct tape


I believe a hammer is in order for this one. :D




Helping to heal hammer wounds.

Aqua
12-29-2004, 06:01 PM
Lay out many strips of tape side by side so they overlap with the sticky side up. Then do the same thing over top of them with the sticky side down. Now you have a 'bandage' that you can tape over the hammer wounds after 'cleaning' them with WD40.

Stubborn geese that won't fly south for the winter

SuzyQ
12-29-2004, 06:05 PM
Lay a carpet of duct tape, lube it with WD-40...when they can't land because it is too slippery they will go south..those that still insist hit with hammer and enjoy for dinner.

darogle
12-31-2004, 06:38 PM
I'm late going home.

Think this one got inadvertantly skipped, so here goes...

First take a hammer and bash in the front end of your car. Then make a simulated arm cast and neck brace out of duct tape. Then when you get home, limp inside the house moaning loudly. Inform your wife, who is VERY mad at you staying out too late and not calling that you were in a horrible accident and barely made it out alive. :grin:

Next problem: you're on an airplane and the pilot says over the PA that you're going to crash!

texascubfan
12-31-2004, 06:43 PM
use duct tape to make a long rope that reaches all the way to the ground. then hang it out the door of the plane and let everyone climb down it before the plane crashes. funny how the mind works in a time of crisis!

your lasagna is overdone

darogle
12-31-2004, 06:46 PM
Use a hammer to mash it up. Instant goulash. (Easier to hide the burnt cheese and noodles.)

You're skydiving and your parachute isn't opening.

Lilith
12-31-2004, 08:34 PM
wd40 to coat your windchapped lips so you can kiss your ass goodbye painlessly :p


hangover?

texascubfan
01-01-2005, 02:20 AM
a hammer to each toe indivisually should make you forget your headache. you can spray w/d 40 on a plate then lick it clean. once you throw up your tummy will feel better

more than one person to kiss at midnight?

osuche
01-01-2005, 07:58 AM
Duct tape them all so they won't move an inch...then take all the time you like kissing them properly.


Sick child who has the chicken pox ~~ and is scratching too much?

Pita
01-01-2005, 09:54 AM
Duct tape their hands to together so they can't scratch themselves. Put a piece over their mouth so you don't have to hear them complain about their hands being tied. :D



Your man took to much viagra and now can't get the thing to go back down.

Studmuffin69
01-01-2005, 10:42 AM
Lube that hard boy up with the wd40 and get back on here girl. Don't make me duct tape your ass to me. :D

Lilith
01-01-2005, 12:07 PM
:D



over cooked pasta????

Scarecrow
01-01-2005, 02:01 PM
WD-40 so it will slide down easier.


zipper will not stay up

Studmuffin69
01-01-2005, 03:51 PM
duct tape that sucker up.


Hungry and you don't have any money.

osuche
01-01-2005, 06:07 PM
Duct tape...use to to make your fingers even stickier...then steal someone's wallet


Avoiding a stalker?

SuzyQ
01-01-2005, 06:57 PM
Make a duct tape screen so he/she can't see me, spray ground behind me so he/she slips and breaks his/her ass and then if all else fails break their kneecaps with the hammer...

Reading when the power goes out?

texascubfan
01-01-2005, 07:11 PM
spray WD-40 on the duct tape, then hammer a piece of flint to make sparks over the duct tape for a fire.

putting the book out because you got it too close to the burning duct tape?

Pita
01-01-2005, 09:33 PM
Use a hammer to put out the flames.


Bored now that my book is destroyed.

texascubfan
01-01-2005, 10:08 PM
use the charcoal to write your oswn book on the back of duct tape.

how to clean hands after hadnling charred duct tape?

Pita
01-01-2005, 11:40 PM
Use wd40 to clean your hands.


I need a snack but can't open the jar of green olives, what do I do? :(

darogle
01-02-2005, 01:28 AM
Hammer to break the jar...duct tape to put the jar back together when you've had your fill.

You lost the remote to the TV...again.

sodaklostsoul
01-02-2005, 07:36 AM
Bang hammer on coffee table to get females attenton, when she finds the remote she duct tapes it to your forhead and spays the wd-40 all over you so you slide off the couch and find the dam remote yourself!! :D

Cell phone battery died.

Pita
01-02-2005, 11:19 AM
Beat it with a hammer. Your sick of it dying in the middle of your phone sex chat. :D


I'm out of town and don't have any of my sex toys with me, what shall I do?

Studmuffin69
01-04-2005, 01:33 AM
wd40 up that hammer handle and go to town girl. :D


My car won't start.

darogle
01-14-2005, 12:23 AM
fold duct tape over and braid it into a rope. hook one end to the front bumper and the other end to a tow truck and tow that piece of s**t to the shop. :D

Your computer has a virus.

lizzardbits
03-14-2005, 10:04 PM
Hammer. There are so many days that i want to smash my PC because it is acting up so i'd smash it and get a new faster PC

The water pump seized up in my minivan.

gekkogecko
03-15-2005, 11:53 AM
WD-40. If something stops, and you want it to go, you should always use WD-40. besides I like the idea of pumping massive amounts of WD-40 through a water pump.


Control freaks. Too many control freaks taking over the lives of my friends.

dicksbro
03-15-2005, 01:56 PM
WD-40. Let 'em slide on by. :)

Weather stripping on our car is starting to come loose. :(

darogle
03-15-2005, 03:09 PM
You're thinking duct tape, right? But I'd opt for the hammer. Knock out the windows, beat the roof till it falls off, then you have a new convertable and don't need to worry about weather stripping! :p

Toilet keeps running when you flush it.

dicksbro
03-15-2005, 05:56 PM
Duct tape to make sure the water's turned off and stays that way. May get smelly, but that's what deodorizers and open windows are for anyway. :)

Kitchen range hood is dirty.

Pita
03-15-2005, 06:10 PM
You clean it with WD-40 and reupholster with duct tape.


Cable went out and you have no reception.

Mercury_Maniac
03-15-2005, 11:02 PM
well after you've thrown the hammer through the TV and fixed that with the duct tape. then you WD-40 the cable-end Connectors.



The Webcam wire is loose and it won't stay in one spot on the desk without sliding

BadChicken
03-18-2005, 03:28 AM
Duct tape that pesky cable exactly where you want it.

A spouse/SO who constantly leaves lights on in every room of the house.

Mercury_Maniac
03-25-2005, 12:28 AM
hit them in the head with the hammer until they understand!




its time to fix that rickety step

osuche
04-17-2005, 09:11 AM
Use the hammer to pund the step in, and then spread the step in WD-40 so anyone who complains about the squeaky step....won't be around long. :D


Out of coffee filters in the mornign?

dicksbro
04-17-2005, 12:24 PM
Use the claw end of the hammer to first put small holes in strips of duct tape which can be laid side by side to serve as the filter. Note, the hammer can also be used to quiet any complaints about the odd grounds that sneak through the holes. The WD-40 can be used to lubricate the floor making body disposal easier. :)

The ash tray is full.

Cindy Kim
04-17-2005, 04:12 PM
Duct Tape...just sticky it all out until it's clean


Your boyfriend forgot to call (grrrrrrrrrr.....)

cowgirltease
04-17-2005, 08:59 PM
Tape his mouth shut with duct tape so the neighbors won't hear his screams when I whip his ass with the hammer handle. :D

Your lawnmower deck is broke and keeps falling down.

imaginewithme
04-17-2005, 09:24 PM
hammer to be sure to break it real good to buy a new one

Your head board squeeks

Mercury_Maniac
04-18-2005, 08:00 PM
cover it with 3 layers of duct tape.....it may not stop the squeeking but it will give some padding for other things :D......if it still bothers have sex on the couch :D



that damn cd player isn't working properly....skipping and not always closing.

dicksbro
12-06-2010, 06:41 AM
Hammer ... beat it to death and get a new one.

Flat tire

gekkogecko
12-06-2010, 04:31 PM
WD-40. You need it to loosen the lug nuts so you can swap in the spare.

Pesky ex.

pinkFlames
12-06-2010, 08:40 PM
Duct tape to shut him up and if that doesn't work use the hammer.

Broken Coffee cup?

dicksbro
12-07-2010, 05:26 AM
Duct tape is the obvious answer, although a case could be made for the hammer if your goal was to eliminate the evidence.

Mice?

gekkogecko
12-07-2010, 02:20 PM
Calls for the hammer. No compromise.

Drafty fireplace.

dicksbro
12-08-2010, 03:15 AM
Duct tape should take care of the problem.

Broken window?

gigi
08-25-2012, 02:30 PM
Hammer....nail the thing shut or knock the rest of the broken glass out of it. Either works.

A leaky faucet?

kleclere
08-25-2012, 06:30 PM
Have to go with duct tape.


Stuck bolt on sink.

gekkogecko
08-26-2012, 04:35 PM
Well, WD-40 of course. Duct tape won't do shit for it, and if you hammer it off, you have major replacement problems.

Stubbed toe on bookshelf.

kleclere
08-26-2012, 07:01 PM
Duct tape for toes and hammer for the bookshelf. lol



Leaky radiator

gigi
09-02-2012, 11:19 AM
If you aren't going to smack the shit out of it with a skillet the way my Gram used to, then a hammer will do.

kleclere
09-02-2012, 06:01 PM
Not sure what to use next.


Broken Ironing board

gekkogecko
09-03-2012, 10:51 AM
Hammer the thing into a small enough package to be carted to the dump, and get a new one.

Cracks in the basement foundation.

kleclere
09-03-2012, 02:51 PM
Definately Duct tape.



Broken tv

gigi
09-03-2012, 05:39 PM
Duct tape the exterior and if that doesn't work, hammer the shit out of it.

Wobbly kitchen table

gekkogecko
09-04-2012, 08:51 AM
Duct tape the sucker back into position.

Red-light runners.

kleclere
09-04-2012, 09:57 AM
Duct tape



Couch

gigi
09-23-2012, 08:49 AM
Duct tape whatever could possibly be wrong with it.

Broken DVD player

kleclere
09-23-2012, 10:31 AM
Hammer they are a dime a dozen anymore.


mailbox

PantyFanatic
09-23-2012, 01:58 PM
Duct tape it closed and hope you get less bills. :cool:



Smart phone.
(although I've already selected the caliber.............. I mean, solution)

kleclere
09-23-2012, 05:36 PM
Duct tape to hold it together and WD40 if you don't want it to work.


Basketball backboard

gigi
09-26-2012, 07:48 PM
Hammer...if it's already broken, take it the rest of the way down.

Jammed zipper

kleclere
09-26-2012, 09:15 PM
Definately WD40



Printer

dicksbro
09-27-2012, 03:36 AM
Duct tape ... so the darn cord doesn't keep coming unplugged. :)

Door frozen shut.

kleclere
09-27-2012, 09:04 PM
A combination of hammer and WD40.



Bicycle

dicksbro
09-28-2012, 04:04 AM
WD40 to keep the chain lubricated.

Broken flower pot.

gekkogecko
09-28-2012, 08:31 AM
Duct tape. sometimes, the answer is obvious.

Cracked asphalt in the driveway.

kleclere
09-28-2012, 08:58 PM
I would go with duct tape


Computer

jseal
10-13-2012, 01:45 PM
Hammer is most satisfying.



Vacuum cleaner

kleclere
10-13-2012, 01:58 PM
Duct tape and if still messed up hammer.


Football

jseal
11-06-2012, 06:09 AM
WD-40. Watch the players go crazy! :rofl:



Books

kleclere
11-06-2012, 07:52 PM
Duct tape.


Bumper of car

Pita
11-16-2012, 07:53 PM
Duct tape


Stuck zipper on a torn pair of jeans.

dicksbro
11-17-2012, 02:37 AM
Lot's of WD-40. Not only may it unstick the zipper, it'll give a nice impersonation of a "wet spot."

gekkogecko
11-17-2012, 09:44 PM
DB forgot to post a problem, so I'll offer one:

late-running buses.

kleclere
11-24-2012, 11:22 AM
Duct tape for the driver. lol


Broken cabinet

gekkogecko
11-27-2012, 03:08 PM
If it's the side that's broken, duct tape; if it's the hinges that are broken, WD-40.

lawn grass too high

Pita
11-27-2012, 04:22 PM
Duct tape to smooth that stuff down


Lipstick stained collar

kleclere
11-27-2012, 04:29 PM
WD-40 should do the trick.


CD case

gigi
02-09-2013, 11:11 AM
Hammer, as probably I lost the CD in the first place anyway.

Cracked Mirror

dicksbro
02-10-2013, 05:36 AM
Hammer to make room for a new mirror.

Flat tire.

gekkogecko
02-10-2013, 10:29 AM
Duct tape over the hole until you can get a replacement, of course.

Friends who don't visit when they say they will.