Sarcasm 101

[rockintime]

I love rush hour traffic ... because it makes it possible for me to say "FFFFUCK!" with so much emotion.


Washing cars is fun ...

[dicksbro]

Washing cars is fun ... like scraping grease off the grill.

I love it when neighbors dogs poop in our yard ...

[rockintime]

I love it when neighbors dogs poop in our yard ... because they must truly believe it is better to give than receive.


Flying in turbulent weather is soooo much fun...

[lizzardbits]

Flying in turbulent weather is soooo much fun...plus it saves you having to buy a bottle of syrup of ipecac so you can utilize the complementary air motion discomfort bags.


warm schwetty weather can be stimulating...

[divot109]

Of course warm schwetty weather can be stimulating...who doesn't enjoy a good case of raw, chafed armpits and crotch???

There is nothing better than waking up in the middle of the night to an explosive thunderstorm...

[WildIrish]

There is nothing better than waking up in the middle of the night to an explosive thunderstorm...because the bed didn't have enough poop in it.

I'm gonna go home and mow the lawn ...

[dicksbro]

I'm gonna go home and mow the lawn ... as soon as the grass returns to the Sahara Desert.

I love picnics ...

[WildIrish]

I love picnics ...


The sandwiches I eat at home are too cold & fresh to really enjoy. :D





Holiday weekends are great...

[sodaklostsoul]

Ya think? They are way to short and ya have to work the day after the holiday!!! Ya don't get time to recover!!


The county fair is awsome....

[dicksbro]

The county fair is awsome ... especially when the rides break down and the guy making corn dogs is picking his nose. :eek:

I love wearing dark glasses ...

[Glyndwr]

I love wearing dark glasses.... the Ray Charles look is really in when it's raining

The French make such great food

[dicksbro]

The French make such great food, ... just ask them.

Hilly country is wonderful ...

[rockintime]

Hilly country is wonderful ... if you're not riding a bike without gears!


I just love salmon roe sushi ...

[dicksbro]

I just love salmon roe sushi ... since it gives a person baited breath

It's fun to keep driving when the gas gage reads empty ...

[bare4you]

It's fun to keep driving when the gas gauge reads empty ...... as I love a challenge.

When I was young

[Glyndwr]

When I was young ... like I can remember that!!

The best thing about Star Wars...

[osuche]

....is that the trilogy is OVER.

I really enjoy hot days....

[Glyndwr]

I really enjoy hot days, the smell of stale body odour makes me soooooo horny

Driving a car in the city is such fun....

[osuche]

Driving a car in the city is such fun....especially when you have a 5 speed

Eating ice cream is never fun....

[dicksbro]

Eating ice cream is never fun ... just like sex.

I love making house payments ...

[osuche]

....after all, it's not like I need the money for anything else!


The gas in this area is cheap....

[bare4you]

...like I can afford a second mortgage for this month's gas bill!

I just love eating at McDonalds...

[AngelicVampires]

....because all those McCalories are my friends!

I love the high gas prices....

[dicksbro]

I love the high gas prices ... they make buying those bottles of water seem like a good deal.

I love getting cars worked on ...

[bare4you]

I love getting cars worked on ...because I love putting the repairman's kids through dental school.

I love going to the dentist...

[AngelicVampires]

...because they have the best flavors of everything!

If I was a genie.....

[rockintime]

If I was a genie.....like hell I'd ONLY want you to rub my lamp.


Oh my, could it be that Amtrack is late?

[dicksbro]

Oh my, could it be that Amtrack is late or are all the clocks just running fast?

I love facing problems in the early morning ...

[Kaelynn]

I love facing problems in the early morning ... cause I am so happy to be awake!

Don't you love being woke up by the dogs barking every morning at 5am?

[rockintime]

I knew I bought that slingshot for some reason.


Don't you like the way he eats everything on his plate?

[dicksbro]

Don't you like the way he eats everything on his plate ... like the knife, fork and spoon?

Don't you love it when someone farts in an elevator?

[lizzardbits]

i love smelling some else's anal vapor as much as i love drinking from my toilet!

I love it when i laff so hard that i snort

[dicksbro]

I love it when i laff so hard that i snort because it can disguise all those other noises I'm making.

Running out of gas is neat ...

[bare4you]

Running out of gas is neat when you are on a busy street and everyone wants to stop and help you

I always stop to help someone with a broken car because

[dicksbro]

I always stop to help someone with a broken car because ... the thrill of finding a thief is too much to pass up.

Sex is just about the dullest activity of any ...

[lizzardbits]

Sex is just about the dullest activity of any ...so dull, in fact, that just thinking about it makes me want to take a nap.


I so adore bubble baths....

[dicksbro]

I so adore bubble baths .... because they help conceal the ring around the tub.

I try to avoid fatty foods ...

[bare4you]

I try to avoid fatty foods .... and they never find my belly

I am so looking forward to my next doctor's appointment ...

[osuche]

....after all, it's the only action I get every year! :D

I especially love the gynecologist...

[wyndhy]

cause nothing says comfort like waiting 40 minutes with only a paper towel on my legs.

i can't wait for the next election...

[bare4you]

... so we can vote in a new group of leaders (don't we just love change?)

I will most likely say no to my S/O the next time they want to snuggle because ...

[rockintime]

I will most likely say no to my S/O the next time they want to snuggle because ... it's a sin to waste time when we can just get right at it.

My S/O just told me not to expect to get lucky tonight ...

[jbh3]

OOOOHHHHHH Yeah....same as it ever was....
"Your not gettin any honey"...like clockwork...9:10pm every freakin night

My s/o really loves it when I wake her at 3 am for sex

[rockintime]

My s/o really loves it when I wake her at 3 am for sex...so I said, "Would you rather I wake you at 3 a.m. to do this year's income taxes?"

My favorite vacation retreat is Siberia...

[jbh3]

Siberia...a veritable winter fuckin wonderland....can't get enough of that Siberia

Cancun blows

[rockintime]

Sure, who would ever want to go to a sunny, warm beach where women are running around in skimpy bikinis. YUCK!!!!!

Two weeks of SuperBowl hype is just sooooooo exciting!

[jbh3]

Absolutely, in fact I wish it were 3 weeks long....the stories are so interesting and unique,I just can't get enough

I really need some more info on the Bus

[rockintime]

What? You'd rather be hearing about Terrell Owens?

I sure like the warnings for medications that are given during TV commercials.

[Pita]

I love those warnings for medications. It really makes me want to dump all my money on something that will give me hair loss and a hump on my back.


Living with a teenager is such a joy.

[jbh3]

Oh yes,especially when they get an attitude...don't ya just wanna grab 'em and give em a big hug....they're so cute in their teens

I wish my mother would ask me a few more questions when she calls me.

[rockintime]

Yeah, you'd think she expected me to talk to her or something!

Exxon only made a profit of $36 billion last year.

[Pita]

Like how she is so sure I will be ok as long as I follow her every word of advice.


I enjoy filling out form after form of legal documents.

[dicksbro]

Especially when you know most of them exist only to keep the clerks busy until their coffee breaks.

I hate nudity.

[Lilith]

especially the kind that arrives in my email box;)


Absence makes the heart grow fonder

[rockintime]

Oh sure, staying away from tax forms for a year sure made me love it this year!

Camping is so erotic.

[Lilith]

especially the fireant bites on my ass from adventure sex


The bigger they are the harder they fall

[dicksbro]

The bigger they are the harder they fall ... and the tighter the fit. :eek:

A rose by any other name ...

[dicksbro]

Bumpity bump bump bump.

http://piercn-amethyst.com/emot/18052251_l.gif

[osuche]

a rose by any other name...is still a freaking shitty smelling rose


A stitch in time....

[dicksbro]

A stitch in time ... is no way to mend a clock.

We the people ...

[jbh3]

We the people ...SUCK!!!

Give us your poor,your tired.......

[osuche]

Give us your poor,your tired ... moderators who don't actually come in and "edit" an entry they meant only to quote from. :(

(I'm sorry, osuche. I wash shocked to see your post change ... and felt bad when I realized I'd accidently done it. :( DB)

I dream of Genie ...

[dicksbro]

I dream of Genie ... with her light, sensitive touch and warm juicy lips ...

Now is the time ...

[loves2laugh]

no its not

are you ever going to fix that

[dicksbro]

Are you ever going to fix that ... before it breaks and needs repair. :rolleyes2

You're as sharp as a tack ...

[osuche]

...that's only slightly bent. ;)


You smell like a bed of roses...

[dicksbro]

You smell like a bed of roses ... recently fertilized. :yikes:

You remind me of a long lost relative ...

[osuche]

...of course, there's a reason why I lost that relative.

Life is like a box of chocolates...

[Pita]

Life is like a box of chocolates...until it shows up on your already too big hips!


Summer storms make for a great.....

[dicksbro]

Summer storms make for a great ... picnic experience.

Shy, but naked, ...

[osuche]

...is the place to be!


I never drink alcohol....

[dicksbro]

... except in big gulps or through straws. :yikes:

Tomorrow is always the best time ...

[osuche]

....for something you've been putting off since last month.


Preventative car maintenance is....

[dicksbro]

Preventative car maintenance is ... is especially helpful if you only knew what to prevent.

A kiss is worth ...

[osuche]

...nothing if the kiss-ee slobbers


A bird in the hand is worth...

[Coaster]

A bird in the hand is worth... nothing....... but a hand in your bush is priceless

Rainy days like Sundays.......

[osuche]

....make you realize why God needed to rest on the 7th day


Sleeping like a baby is over-rated...

[ironhide]

Sleeping like a baby is overrated espcially when you have a diaper full of shit an empty bottle and jammys that cover your hands so you cant grasp anything.





Do yourself and the world a favor

[osuche]

Do yourself and the world a favor....become a lesbian. ;)


Exercise is good for your health...

[dicksbro]

Exercise is good for your health, ... it keeps several chiropractors and doctors gainfully employed.

There's nothing like a paycheck ...

[WildIrish]

There's nothing like a paycheck...It reminds you of how worth it it is to wake up each morning.


Voicemail is great...

[dicksbro]

Voicemail is great ... unless you've lost your voice. :yikes:

I love heavy snowfalls ...

[rockintime]

I love heavy snowfalls ... As long as they are in Illinois!

Christmas parties with the boss are a delight ...

[dicksbro]

Christmas parties with the boss are a delight ... since she'll likey have a new honey-do list ready for me. :)

Visiting friends at Christmas ...

[lusty1]

Visiting friends at Christmas...reminds me why I'm a loner.


I love thong underwear...

[dicksbro]

I love thong underwear...when it starts irritating the anus.

I love to meet new people ...

[lusty1]

I love to meet new people...as long as it's only pictures of them!


She has a beautiful body...

[Vicious Tease]

She has a beautiful body ... and she'll be the first to tell you that.



I am looking forward to work tomorrow ....

[dicksbro]

I am looking forward to work tomorrow ... which, thank heavens, never comes.

I love hot temperatures ...

[lusty1]

I love hot temperatures ...it prepares me for what's to come if I don't behave myself!

I always do the right thing...

[Coaster]

I always do the right thing... at the wrong time!

Well don't you just smell.........

[lusty1]

Well don't you just smell.........like a bouquet of roses-four days AFTER the funeral!

If you don't learn about life now...

[Coaster]

If you don't learn about life now... try, try AGAIN!

If she likes it.............

[lusty1]

If she likes it.............she MUST be doing it with someone besides me!

I enjoy all types of sex...

[Coaster]

I enjoy all types of sex... even sex with you!

OK, open wide and say............

[dicksbro]

OK, open wide and say ... "Keep your mouth shut."

Happiness is for everyone ...

[lusty1]

Happiness is for everyone ...except for that lusty1.:(

I'm always happy...

[Coaster]

I'm always happy, idiot!

Don't worry......

[lusty1]

Don't worry......something bad is bound to happen!


I have all the luck in the world...

[Coaster]

I have all the luck in the world... some of it good.

You smell like.......

[lusty1]

You smell like....teen spirit-right after gym class!


Sex is always the best...

[Coaster]

Sex is always the best...mood stabilizer!

You know she wants it when....

[lusty1]

You know she wants it when...she's breathing!


If it's hard...

[Coaster]

If it's hard... then you need to study more.

When she's wet........

[lusty1]

When she's wet...you can almost bet it's been raining.


If it's Monday....

[Coaster]

If it's Monday.... and rainy, gets me down.......

You know you're a redneck..............

[lusty1]

You know you're a redneck...if you don't see the humor in redneck jokes.


I'd never have a one night stand...

[Coaster]

I'd never have a one night stand... you're kidding, right?

She had skin like..........

[lusty1]

She had skin like..........a baby-----Shar-pei, that is!!!

Do unto others...

[Coaster]

Do unto others........... before they beat you to it!

Light kisses from her lips...........

[lusty1]

Light kisses from her lips....reminded him why he wasn't a smoker.


Coffee, tea or.....

[Coaster]

Coffee, tea or that chick with the mustache?

Her legs soft as..............

[lusty1]

Her legs soft as..............the flab on her belly.

You make me feel...

[Coaster]

You make me feel....... like the crap that you think I am....

Feel me.........

[dicksbro]

Feel me ... then plan to see your doctor for treatment.

Eat lunch ...

[lusty1]

Eat lunch...at the "Y"--you may not get full, but I'LL enjoy it!

If I told you once....

[Coaster]

If I told you once... eat.... eat me somemore!

Fingers, knuckle deep.........

[lusty1]

Fingers, knuckle deep.........you wouldn't think a persons nose was so deep!


Don't do as I do...

[rockintime]

Don't do as I do...because I'd really prefer you use something other than your hand.

Some say a person resembles their dog ...